Favourite quote

I did not catch this one until I watched it the second time:

When the police show up and have a look around the house, the police are hypnotized, so they do not notice the dead vampire hunter, but they point out that they have no smoke alarms, and that they have an open can of flammable material right under the electrical box in the basement...

Deacon says "I want to kill them and eat them". Vladislav replies "Wait until we get more safety tips".

i'm not great with the exact quotes, but there were a couple of very subtle things that i laughed at.

at the house meeting after the scene in the basement when we are first introduced to peter

vlad "should we maybe wait for peter"
viago "peter is 8,000 years old, he's not coming to the meeting"

there is a voicemail later on in the film

"hi this is nick... the vampire"

murray the werewolf "i'm the alpha male, they have to laugh at my jokes"


Where did you get those clothes, the toilet store?

[deleted]

My favorite part of the movie wasn't so much of a quote as to what was going on. It was the scene when Viago was explaining to Peter that Stu is not to be killed because everyone upstairs likes him. What made me bust out laughing is the fact that Peter was shaking his head up and down like "I feel ya, no problem". He didn't say anything...just nodded during the discussion. Up until then Peter was portrayed as an ancient creature without any real interactions whatsoever. Man, that was funny.

He was an 18th century dandy, so he can be very fussy

I'm just saying, if I had a penis I'd have been bitten years ago.

".. and now I can fly!"
*proceeds to take 40 seconds to clamber in to a window upside down and backwards*



Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived. -Isaac Asimov

I love all the quotes people have mentioned already, but another one that cracked me up was this little monologue:

"One day I was selling my wears, and I walked passed this old creepy castle. And I look at it and think, 'very old and creepy.' And then this creature... flies at me! It dragged me back to this dark dungeon. And bit into my neck. And just at the point of death; this creature forced me to suck its foul blood. And then it opened its wings, like this. And hovered above me. Screeching. 'Now you are vampire.' And it was Petyr. And we're still friends today."

Deacon's delivery and the look on Petyr's face are priceless!

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"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."
- Yoda, "The Empire Strikes Back"