Please, please, can we do favorite lines???

Umm...any time Albert screams! Hysterical!

Also, when Agador repeatedly falls down because he's wearing shoes!

Starina, wearing leopard muff: "Don't look at me like that! I didn't kill him! He died and left my everything."

Celsius: Chewing gum helps me think.
Albert: Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!

Senator Kevin Keeley: Oh, I got to fire this woman. Uh, Miss Porter, page two, second paragraph, it's porno, not pronto.

Senator Kevin Keeley: [in drag] Meet me in 20 minutes at the corner of El Dorado and Palm.
Keeley's Chauffeur: Lady, not for a million dollars.

Senator Kevin Keeley: [in drag] No one will dance with me. I think it's this dress. I told them white would make me look fat.

Senator Kevin Keeley: Louise, I'm the Vice President of the Coalition for Moral Order! My co-founder has just died in the bed of an underage black whore!"

Albert: You're obviously not a cultural whatever-it-is. You've never been to a museum, and you eat like a pig.
Armand: Albert, these people are right-wing conservatives. They don't care if you're a pig, they just care if you're a fag!

Albert: He blew a BUBBLE with his GUM while I was singing. He can't do that while I'm SINGING!

Katie Archer: I'm sorry I haven't done much for him the past 20 years. I'm not exactly maternal.
Armand: Don't worry about that. I'm very maternal. And Albert's practically a breast.


Armand: What is that crap you served us?
Agador: It's Guatemalan Peasant Soup.
Armand: What's Guatemalan Peasant Soup?
Agador: I don't know, I made it up. I made it up!

Armand: Now take that wig off or I'll tell Albert you're wearing it.
Agador: You do that, I'm gonna tell him you're seeing somebody else while he's on the stage.
Armand: I have two words for you: green card.

Senator Kevin Keeley: Hello, Ben. Ready for what? WHAT?
Louise Keeley: What's the matter, Kevin?
Senator Kevin Keeley: Jackson's dead.
Louise Keeley: Oh my God!
Senator Kevin Keeley: He died in bed? Whose bed? A prostitute?
Louise Keeley: No!
Senator Kevin Keeley: A minor? And black?
Louise Keeley: What?
Senator Kevin Keeley: I don't believe this! I don't ****ING believe this!

Agador: My father was the shaman of his tribe and my mother was the high priestess.
Armand: So why the hell did they move to New Jersey?
Agador: I don't know, they're so stupid.

Albert: Oh, Armand...our son is leaving us. And we won't have more.
Armand: Not without a miracle.

I love this movie!!!

Celsius - I don't think I get it
Albert - Try more gum!
Armand - Albert!

You know what they say, where there's sand

When Albert tries to walk like John Wayne, and asks Armand, "No good?" and Armand replies in perfect deadpan, "No, it's perfect, I just never realized John Wayne walked like that."

One of the more heartbreaking lines: When Albert appears in his dark pin striped suit and Armand and Val eye him pitifully, Albert sadly asks, "You're thinking I'm even more obvious (as a gay) in this suit, aren't you? I just wanted so much to help you. And you hate me. You both hate me." You can't help loving Albert in this vulnerable moment. He's just a human being here, and who can't relate to how he feels?

On a funny note: Just before dinner, Dianne Weist's character walks through the house and croons, "Look at all these old books!" She picks one out and reads the title, "Nancy Drew and the case of the burning candle"--a title that doesn't even exist in the original series! It cracks me up.

"What, do I just stand here like a dummy?"

"No! You do an eclectic celebration of a dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse, Fosse, Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Twyla, Twyla, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Madonna, Madonna, Madonna, Madonna. But you keep it all inside!"

"What, do I just stand here like a dummy?"

"No! You do an eclectic celebration of a dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse, Fosse, Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Twyla, Twyla, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Madonna, Madonna, Madonna, Madonna. But you keep it all inside!"

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