Joe: "Ok I slept with her."
Brian, after a short pause: "Liar."
Joe: "Ok I didn't sleep with her."
Brian, after a short pause, "Liar."
[deleted]
HELEN: "You can always tell when there's a game on TV because a guy will be sitting there with his hand tucked in the front of his pants."
She then assumes that position as Antonio walks into the house.
ANTONIO (seeing her): "Hey - is there a game on??"
I don't know what episode this is from but Lowell is trying to come up with a nickname and is talking to Joe and says something like "A nickname is supposed to emphasize one of your best qualities, at least that's what Scab O'Neill told me. "
Then Roy walks by and says "How about just plain idiot?"
And Lowell says "Big help. Half the guys I know are "idiot"
Then later in the episode I think Lowell is talking to Fay and Roy walks by and says "Hop to it slack-ass." And Lowell stops and goes "Slack-ass! I like it!"
Lowell: "Joe Hackett at a Pearl Jam concert?
More like Pearl Baily!"
another episode-
Helen:"500 dollars!, 500 dollars!, (pause, curious) 500 dollars?"
Lowell: Read the book! Read the book! Read the book!
"When I was your age, television was called books!" --Grandpa, The Princess Bride
I don't remember the name of the episode but Helen is moonlighting in some sort of fishing job (and she smells terrible) and everyone is trying to convince her that she is spreading herself too thin. She finally argues back that now "I wake up each morning with a purpose." Joe turns to everyone and says, "Did she say purpose or porpoise?" Gets funnier every time I see it.
shareSandy Cooper: DO IT BETTER!
That cracks me up everytime when they are dancing in the basement.
Lowell: I'll fight any man who says differently.
Joe: There was a little turtle and his name was Tom
He loved his dad and he loved his mom
He had a little shell and his shell was round
Wherever he would go he would make this sound
A Wakka Wakka wakka wakka wakka do
A wakka wakka wakka wakka I love you
Brian: I love you too
antonio when he think joe and helen are going to be beach people.
"always with the volleyball volleyball volleyball" great delivery
Brian: Oh, and Joe? There's no Santa Claus.
Joe: You know, four years ago, that would've hurt.
Joe (after succesffully beating Helen in court): I didn't beat her up. I just...pushed her down and poked her with a crutch a little.
"A crate expectation"
Faye: Did you hear what Joe just said?
Lowell: Yeah he doesn't want a party
Faye: Yes but did you everything he said?
Lowell: He doesn't want a party...for his birthday
Faye: What I really think is that he actually wants a party
Lowell: Uh no Faye he didn't I was sitting right there
Faye: What I'm trying to say is that I think Joe would really like us to throw him a party
Lowell: You didn't hear the words hearing aid from me
Lowell: I give blood all the time. Just between you and me, Roy, I'll do anything for a sugar cookie
Brian: "Merry Christmas, Brian! Merry Christmas, Brian!" Why does everyone keep saying that? It's only one day! God was born- move on!
Helen: Yeah, i got a gun that does the same thing
Joe: I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die
Carlton: Well, I said all I had to say to that sob!
Brian: Carlton, you paid $10,000 and came all this way so you could beat your brother senseless?
Carlton: Hell, no! I got my daddy's watch back, too...wait a minute! This isn't my daddy's watch! And come to think of it Milford doesn't have red hair...maybe it *was* Las Cruces
[deleted]
Joe: I have to do that exercise that Dr.Grayson told me to do whenever I get confused. *SLAP* She's not really here! *SLAP* She's not really here! *slap* She's not really he-
Sandy: *yelling* I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!!!!
===============================================================================
Joe: You remember to act just that nutty when the doctor gets here; which should be any minute.
Sandy: What are you talking about; the doctor's already here! *turns chair around and picks up teddy bear* This is Dr.Rosenbear.
Joe: Really? Is he uh.. Froydeen or Paddington?
Sandy: *to bear* Do you see what I have to put up with?
Dr.Rosenbear: Vell clearly you both push eachotherz buttons. Joe? What to you think?
Joe: Oh no, Sandy, I am NOT talking to a be-
Sandy *yelling* TALK TO THE DOCTOR! I'M PAYING FOR THESE SESSIONS AND THIER COMMIN OUTTA MY SALLARY, CLEARLY YOU DON'T MAKE ENOUGH! *to bear* Oh doctor, did that sound castrating?
Dr.Rosenbear: I don't know, let's ask Joe.
Joe: No, I don't think she's castrating, I think she's a FREAKIN' PHSYCO!!!!
Dr.Rosenbear: Now, we're all here for the same reason, to save zis marriage!
Joe: Yeah, we should waite here until the REAL doctor get's here.... so he can lock you in his padded van.
===============================================================================
I loved Sandy, just from those three episodes. I think they should have had her in there more.
so many.... so fun reading these! just a few:
"What's the Matter..horn"
"I'm not makin' bacon naked"
"I'ts a 7"
"The big-faced girl?"
"Mounds O'Plenty"
"Pa-ta-ta-ta"
"I want to pay you $500 to dress up like little bo peep and spank me like the bad boy I am." "That is disgust-five hundred?"
[deleted]
Helen (insisting Joe will take her to opening day at Fenway rather than another woman): There is NO WAY you are going to that game with some chick who doesn't know the difference between first base and third base.
Joe (after Helen leaves): Trust me, she knows the difference.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helen (to Joe, who's dating a girl Helen use to babysit 12 years earlier): For crying out loud, Joe, I've bathed that girl and put her to bed.
Joe: What a coincidence.
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Brian (to the brunette he's dancing with): OK, I'll see "The Crying Game". But why is it so important to you?
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Roy: If it's green, its trouble, if it's fried, get doubled.
[deleted]
Love the quotes. Great writing. I rented the second season of Wings and watched some episodes last night. So funny!
An episode in which Antonio plays guitar. Something like this, I think,
"My goat rowed the boat ashore. Haaalleelluuuuuya." Sang it over and over. He was corrected in the words, but still sang it.
It was the episode where the guys go on the golf outing/timeshare thing.
Blake(Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross): "Coffee is for closers."
I have some great quotes!!
(From the episode, Here It Is: The Big Wedding; Helen and Joe are getting married and Brian and Casey slept together. Helen's eyes are swollen and she sent Casey to get eye drops, but Casey was distracted by Brian.)
*Helen: "Oh my God, my eyes are stinging. What kind of drops are these?"
*Faye: "Binacca....if it's any consolation, your eyes *are* minty fresh."
(Casey has scuffed up her shoes after a quickie with Brian in the broom closet. She is filling in the scuffs with a black permanent marker)
*Faye: "Those are brand new shoes! How did you gets them scuffed so quickly?"
*Casey: (Yelling)"What are you a COP!!"
(Casey accidentally got a black permanant marker on Helen's face)
*Helen: "I'm getting married in a half hour and I look like Hitler!"
I love this line from "Burnin' Down the House (2)"
(Roy is trying convince Brian to stay at his house one more night)
Roy:But I opened myself up to you!
Brian:I know, and I'm glad it was me. Anyone else would've called the authorities.
Sorry, I'm working from memory so that may not be exact.
- Kristen
http://mtmshow.vze.com
I love the comedic segment that starts the show. I think they started doing it the second season or something. Well, there is one in the fifth season that just kills me. It's a foggy day and all flights are grounded. The boys are sitting in Joe's office. Lowell comes in to sand the door frame. Pretty soon, they develop a cool little music number, with Antonio playing percussion on the coffee cup, Brian singing a nice, seemingly Brazilian jazz kind of number. Very cool, nevertheless.
Funny lines from Lowell, looking on the floor of the stadium seating:
Oh look, a wallet!
There's money in it.
There's credit cards.
There's pictures of my kids.
wait.
Blake(Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross): "Coffee is for closers."
Alex: "Fine. I know when I've been licked."
Joe: "Oh, so last night IS coming back to you, eh?"
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Wait a minute... who am I here?
Woah man. You're quoting 'Wings'? Credibility... gone.
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