MovieChat Forums > Commando (1985) Discussion > 100 things I´ve learned from Commando

100 things I´ve learned from Commando

posted 15 years ago by Benjamin401
108 replies | jump to latest

I know it`s been on this board before, but I`ll try to give it another direction:

1. It`s better to let off your steam before messing with Matrix!
2. Rule number 1: John Matrix is always right and you are always wrong!
3. It is better to pretend that you are deadly tired than Matrix "singing" you to sleep!
4. When you recrut John Matrix for a mission do not expect to get anything more than `bodies´!
5. When your name is Bennett and you are wearing light chain mail and have lately kidnapped Matrix´ daughter, you are in for some trouble!!
6. You can easily jump off a plane if your name is John Matrix!
7. John Matrix lies sometimes!

So what did Commando teach you?

`How do you know I'm mad?´
`You must be or you wouldn't have come here.´

[–] panemique 12 years ago

It's funny because "Rule number 1" is #2 on your list.

[–] TheEarman 10 years ago

Shopping malls in California have hundreds of police officers on site.

Security guards at airport employee parking lots don't ask why there is a 250 lb man sitting on the floor of your convertible where a seat used to be.

If you jump off the landing gear of a plane going 200 mph into a swamp you'll land on your feet and only your suitcoat will get wet.

I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy!

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] fugleholm 10 years ago

I learned that people would find many lessons in commando.

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] crockett_john 10 years ago

270. The dictator's boat is pretty fast - he seems to get to the island pretty fast when it would take more than two hours to get there in a plane that goes 200 mph.

271. Matrix can re-enter the airport faster than Sully can leave.

272. If a man strong enough to rip out your car seat kidnaps you, joke with him about how you want him dead.

273. Cindy thinks telling the police about Matrix "helping" him.

274. When Sully says "Get *beep* quietly, it sounds like he says, "Kiss my ass!"

275. Matrix is such a badass that when he drops his wallet at the mall, it will follow him and get back in his pocket on its own.

276. If someone punches you in the back of the head in a hotel room, draw your weapon like you're trying to throw a Frisbee.

277. When you go on a supply run, be sure to test the detonator and only the detonator. Everything else will work as planned.

278. When the police show up on a crime scene, they don't bother checking anything around the store. As long as they have a suspect, that's good enough for them.

279. You don't need a passport to enter Tom Bradley International Airport.

280. The signal for when to radio the authorities is when "all *beep* hell breaks loose."

281. Stewardesses strongly resemble hookers: 1) Sully calls Cindy a wh*re; and 2) when she pulls up next to the police, they think she's a hooker.

282. Los Angeles County is swarming with foreign military personnel who dress in military attire, drive military vehicles, and have military equipment. No one notices or cares.

283. "Going commando" doesn't necessarily mean what everyone thinks it means.

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My bio isn't blank.

[–] davidjason 10 years ago

284. I don't know Boy George was a man. I thought he was a she. I'm being dead serious. I was only seven when I watched this movie. Matrix was right just call Boy George, Girl George. It will cut down all the confusion.

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] hernanmachopaul 10 years ago

291. When you are run over by a speeding 911 going at 60 mph, you will miraculously bounce off the hood and windshield and you will be back on your feet faster than a Matrix one-liner.

292. Cardboard dummies and built-in ramps are very useful when filming a blow 'em up sequence.

293. Airports in Valverde have telephone boots directly on the runway.

[–] hernanmachopaul 10 years ago

Matrix bump

[–] Stygian6 9 years ago

294. Yellow Porsches are self-repairing cars.

[–] Stygian6 9 years ago

295. When you want to assassinate just one ex-soldier living in the suburbs, a fool-proof plan is to a) steal a garbage truck, b) show up outside his house early on the day his garbage is NOT collected, c) hope he is home, hears you and d) bothers to get out of bed, and e) somehow none of his other neighbours make the same mistake so you have to shoot them too. FOOL-PROOF.

[–] chime1985 9 years ago

If you find yourself in a knife fight, pull the silliest face, it's the only way to win.

Potting sheds make excellent cover for gunfire.

A shopping mall will hire one guard for every guest and rota them all for the same shift.

Pipes are surprisingly aerodynamic and will fly straight as a die.

1 foot of swamp water is sufficient cushioning for jumping out of planes.

To successfully operate a missile launcher, simply read the instructions.

If we wanted to insult you, we would have called you "Tubby Mushroomhead Man".

[–] joeken3 9 years ago

297: Always keep a fully stocked and updated toolshed with loaded assault rifles.

298: If lacking any firearms in your toolshed, gardening tools and hardware are an excellent substitute for scalping, impaling, and amputating your victims in a manner of your choosing.

[–] polarispill 9 years ago

299.Retired stormtroopers become solders for Dan Hedaya.

[–] geordiebowles 9 years ago

Christ this thread is funny! I learnt the same valuable lessons that you guys did from watching the deep, multi-layered action thriller that is Commando, but the ones that stick in my mind mostly are:

Deposed dictators will only hire as their personal guard mustachioed utter incompetents who can't shoot straight but are experienced in cutting little girl's throats. Being loyal is all that matters and to hell with skill and moral codes.

Matrix doesn't understand a country like Val Verde.

If you screw up while on a mission for a deposed dictator he will mail your kids to you in pieces.

Badly lit bars in shopping malls are a great place 'for hunting slash' and for handing over brief cases stuffed with cash.

Police who are driving vans won't notice if you blow up a shop with a rocket launcher.

Being an ex-service man means you completely abandon all sense of right and wrong if given a fat pay cheque, and you will happily joke about raping little girls.

A cotton vest designed to look like chainmail, leather chaps and a dodgy 'tache are appropriate attire if one is setting out on a path of vengeance.

You can eat Green Beret's for breakfast but you will still be very hungry.

If you are ex-special forces the dustbin men collecting your rubbish may well gun you down in the street.

You can safely murder the person sitting next to you on a long distance flight if you remember to bring along with you a hat and blanket.

The thing you must like the most about a car about to be used in a deadly hit and run is 'the price'.

[–] hernanmachopaul 9 years ago

313. Nothin' like good ol' war buddies.

[–] 9 years ago

[deleted]

[–] dave_starsky77 8 years ago

327: Commando's male cast blew so much money on 'slash hunts' organised by David Patrick Kelly while off set that they could only afford cardboard cut out soldiers when Matrix remote detonated his claymores.

328: The stunt drivers for Sully and Matrix look even less like their respective characters than the wide shouldered, hairy legged dude who doubled for Linda Carter in the old Wonder Woman TV show.

329: During Matrix' interrogation and instruction scene after being tranquilised ("I wanted to use the real thing!!") Dan Hedaya sneaked in a pretty decent Punjabi accent. Watch him say this line if you don't believe me:

"Because you're going to return to Val Verde and you are going to kill the president that you helped to overthrow me."

330: Pulling a funny face (Arius) while shooting a Steyr Aug will not end well.

331: During the Reagan administration you could buy Bazookas from Surplus stores.

332: In California if a chick driving a Cadillac smiles at you at a stop light it means she's obviously a hooker.

333: Bennett has an edge.

[–] ericn2274 9 years ago

I apologize if you did mention this one, but I learned - "You should always hide under a bed if terrorists are searching for you. Especially, the bed in your room. They will never think to look under a bed."

[–] HockeyFan91 8 years ago

314 - Matrix did not need Bennet's help to kill every one of them... in the blink of an eye.

315 - Every time John Matrix shoots, no matter what it is, is an instant kill shot.

316 - Escaping from your imminent death just pisses Bennett off worse.

317 - Even if someone wipes out your entire army by himself, dont run away - hey.. screw it. You can still kill him.

318 - The only thing between Matrix and Dan Hedaya, is a chubby Freddie Mercury who is working for nothing.

319 - President Valasquez trusts John Matrix.

320 - Its never a good idea for a mall cop to brag to chicks about kicking ass before he sees whos ass it is he has to kick.

321 - Once a cop threatens to shoot the guy who just kidnapped you and ripped the seat out of your car, then you immediately switch to his side and save his life.

322 - Sully had plenty of time to steal a quarter from The stewardess instead of leaving the mall to tell his boss.

323 - No one ever told Arnold he has a lot of hostility.

324 - Saying Fly or Die works every time.

325 - Chain Mail tank tops are not meant for certain people.

326 - Getting shocked on an electric fence makes you feel good!

OHHH GOOOD FOR YOU!!