MovieChat Forums > Commando (1985) Discussion > 100 things I´ve learned from Commando

100 things I´ve learned from Commando

posted 15 years ago by Benjamin401
108 replies | jump to latest

I know it`s been on this board before, but I`ll try to give it another direction:

1. It`s better to let off your steam before messing with Matrix!
2. Rule number 1: John Matrix is always right and you are always wrong!
3. It is better to pretend that you are deadly tired than Matrix "singing" you to sleep!
4. When you recrut John Matrix for a mission do not expect to get anything more than `bodies´!
5. When your name is Bennett and you are wearing light chain mail and have lately kidnapped Matrix´ daughter, you are in for some trouble!!
6. You can easily jump off a plane if your name is John Matrix!
7. John Matrix lies sometimes!

So what did Commando teach you?

`How do you know I'm mad?´
`You must be or you wouldn't have come here.´

[–] Serbius 13 years ago

- John Matrix doesn't cut trees down, he rips them apart with his bare hands.

- If your plane doesn't start, call Matrix Repairs Shop.

- Special forces soldiers can jump from a plane at high altitude and still survive.

"Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man."

[–] dklv-598-231167 13 years ago

make sure you always signal Touchdown while your neck is being broken.

Jackson and Harris did a lousy job of securing the perimeter.

If General Kirby considers Jackson and Harris to be good, I'd hate to see who he considers to be bad.

[–] craigjohnson20 13 years ago

- An impenetrable security system for your cache of weapons requires only a two digit code.

- Grenades will always fall next to springboards.

- Digital watches make loud beeping sounds only if you look directly at them.

- If you wanna kill a guy, steal a garbage truck; wait outside his house on day that is not garbage day; hope your target comes outside; and then shoot him.

- The US military is primarily made up of three types of people: Austrian bodybuilders; overweight Australians; and Americans who weigh about eighty pounds. One of these three types of people will have an advantage over the other two.
- Saxophone + Steel drums = the ingredients for a kick-ass action movie soundtrack.
- If your truck is sliding down a hill without an engine, and you are hoping the truck collides with the bad guy`s truck, but it misses; don`t worry, the bad guy`s will wind their way down the hill path until you eventually collide.
- When on a pier at night firing at an oncoming jeep, keep your arm straight and keep shooting without altering your aim whatsoever; eventually, the jeep will eventually be close enough that the people in it will die.
- If you are a bad guy in a watchtower, and you are being shot at by an Austrian with an M-60, the sensible thing to do is to put down the gun, walk to the edge of the observation platform and throw yourself to your death.
- When breaking into a weapons store, use stealth. One inconspicuous way to break in is to drive a bulldozer through the front entrance.
- Evil ex-dictators from Val Verde look like Gargamel from the Smurfs.
- A great way to fake your death is to pretend you have retired as a fisherman; then have your army buddy blow up the fishing boat – LEAVING NO LIVING WITNESSES!!!
- If you see a woman at a shopping mall restaurant, who has previously said, "I am not interested", "Would you please leave me alone." and "you are really bugging me!", chances are she wants you.
13.) If you want to rescue someone from the back of a police van, but don`t want to harm anybody, shoot it with a rocket launcher.

"I saw that movie on a plane and people still walked out." - Bill Hader (Sam Raimi birthday video)

[–] 13 years ago

[deleted]

[–] flashesbeforeyoureyes 13 years ago

65. If you want to land a hot stewardess, don't chat her up, just abduct her and go on a rampage with her in tow. She'll fall for you in 12 hours or less.

Can't believe I missed this bad boy on other viewings. Worth a bump!

You make me laugh, if Matrix were here, he'd laugh too

[–] 13 years ago

[deleted]

[–] btara_ktahn 13 years ago

201. Draping a flannel shirt across your shoulder will allow you to easily carry a 600 lb tree.

202. Retired special forces survivalists living in the mountains always keep their weapons out in the shed.

203. If your car won't run, simply push it over a cliff and get in. Do not waste time with seat belts; they are not required. You can safely ride it downhill inflicting no damage to yourself or your vehicle, no matter how many times the front slams into the ground or you plow through brush and trees, until the end of the scene when it will roll, crash and bursts into flames.

204. Dropping 500 feet from the landing gear of an airliner doing 180 miles an hour onto your butt (balls first) will not damage your clothing, nor harm you in anyway.

205. If you've fired at someone at point blank range through a phone booth and missed, do not attempt to fire a second time until after you've exited the phone booth and are running for your life. This is especially true if the person you've fired at is standing directly in front of you, less than a foot away, with his arms wrapped around the phone booth shaking it.

206. A red paint job makes any car fast. A 1964 Sunbeam Alpine Series IV with 82 brake horsepower, when painted red, can easily keep up with yellow, 1968 Porsche 911 Targa.

207. Police vans are more heavily armored than an Abrams tank. Hitting one with a LAW rocket will only flip it. It will not damage the tires, axles or structural integrity of the vehicle.

208. No matter how fast you drive or for how long, you will never get any closer to a stationary target sitting in the water that's tied to a pier if you're driving a Willys M170 jeep.

209. Wearing a gray macramé tank top over a black t-shirt will negate the slimming effects of black and emphasize your beer gut.

210. Flowers will deflect all attacks directed towards you short of a hand grenade. Fortunately, flowers provide you with a Saving Throw for half damage with hand grenades, so you have that going for you.

211. When diving half-naked through French doors, use the broken glass to cushion the fall. Broken glass will not harm you.

212. Furnace doors are not hot when ripped off of a blazing furnace and can be safely picked up bare-handed and wielded as either weapons or shields.

Don't ask me what I think of you,
I might not give the answer that you want me to.
- Fleetwood Mac, "Oh Well"

[–] almandareo 13 years ago

213. You should store your arsenal of weps in a wooden shed, but most importantly, remember to seal it with a giant steel door. Because that is the only way someone would try to break into the shed, thru the steel door, not the wooden walls.

214. Before you question anyone, sucker punch them, be sarcastic, grab their balls and impale them on a flipped-over table leg, THEN question them. "Cooke?!"

"One major clue he's 100% blind. He never stops to plow Mila Kunis into the next century." Poppab66

[–] HugsFromLV426 13 years ago

215. When jumping out of a jet at 180 MPH you will land gently in the water instead of skipping across the surface like flat rock.

216. Bennett could have gotten away with either the fashion mistake of the mustache OR the chain-mail shirt, but not both.

217. Apparently it is standard procedure for the Army to fly their helicopters along the path of public roads and at no more than the speed of traffic so they can be easily followed by mercinaries.

218. Rogue ex-military types stay in crappy motels.

219. Always take time to casually search a car before leaving a crime scene involving gunfire, death by impalement, and amature porn.

220. Two anti-personnel mines will level an entire military complex.

221. John Matrix is so stealthy he can plant explosives in the top of the guard tower without being noticed.

222. The Wham O company should patent the circular-saw-blade frisbee.

223. Sully's tie made me ashamed to have lived in the 80's.

224. Wooden door baracades are pre-cut for easier smashing.

225. Before the assault weapons ban you could get ANYTHING at an Army surplus store.

[–] you_savvy 13 years ago

226. Car dealerships keep the keys for all cars in the ignition.

227. The best thing about Cadillacs is the price.

228. Cheney's sandwiches are so nutrient-rich that a single bite will fuel a 250 pound man for a full day's worth of nonstop murder and mayhem.

229. There's nothing like old war buddies.

230. Sleazy bad guys always meet their contacts at their crummy motel rooms, so it's safe to throw them off cliffs after finding their motel key. There's no way they could meet somebody at somewhere like, say, a strip-mall restaurant.

231. Strip-mall restaurants are great places for hunting slash.

232. Included in standard military training are the intricacies of hacking into cash registers and learning how to pull a quarter out of a woman's purse in under .3 seconds.

233. Flight attendants can't believe this macho *beep*

234. Excessive intake of red meat is the primary cause of world violence.

235. Them table legs is pointy!

236. Deposed dictators are given complimentary islands off the coast of California.

237. Michael Des Barres is a mountain.

[–] shandiegoca 13 years ago

238. All shopping malls have a team of over 50 security guards working at one time.

[–] LocoHero 13 years ago

239. When making a film, place half a dozen showroom dummies dressed as soldiers next to exploding buildings - nobody will notice.

[–] mardypeking 13 years ago

240. cutting a little girls throat is like cutting through warm butter

[–] 13 years ago

[deleted]

[–] GreenGoblinsOckVenom86 13 years ago

Sorry if this has been said but...
It is rather stupid to sexually harass a woman because then a big huge Austrian guy will kill you.

"Time to die! Like a man!" Venom Spider-Man Web of Shadows

[–] TheBad2012 12 years ago

You can kill the guy sitting next to you on a plane, and no one else will noticed it.

[–] leos_ted 12 years ago

When you spear a guy with a pipe pinning him to a pressure tank, the pipe will totally let out steam despite the chunk of flesh now lodged into it.

[–] AlphaMale87 12 years ago

244. Don't ask your daughter what she puts in her sandwiches...you don't wanna know.

245. When you and the hostess you kidnap tail a guy to a galleria, it'll be daytime early on. Moments later it will magically be dark outside when you leave.

246. When you're a car salesman, your life is not as important as a stolen vehicle.

[–] Mr_Harold_Shand 12 years ago

247. Bennett moonlighted as a magician along side his special forces career. The main trick that he'll be remembered for is the old 'Vanishing from a moving boat in the middle of the water, 1 second before it explodes' trick. (unfortunately Bennett took the trick's secret to the grave).

[–] lerhshenchang 12 years ago

Reading more than 100 things all fans have learned from Commando, I can't stop laughing. If John Matrix were here, he'd laugh too!

[–] HugsFromLV426 12 years ago

If John Matrix were here he would kill his favorite poster last.

[–] Spoffdarko 12 years ago

249. It is perfectly normal to go to all the trouble of dressing up as bin-men, including obtaining a bin wagon and going to the house at the exact time of the collection, just to kill one guy in broad daylight, on his own driveway, with uzis.

I'm leaving. I've assessed the situation, and I'm going.

[–] flashesbeforeyoureyes 12 years ago

It is perfectly normal to go to all the trouble of dressing up as bin-men, including obtaining a bin wagon and going to the house at the exact time of the collection, just to kill one guy in broad daylight, on his own driveway, with uzis.

you make me laugh, if Matrix were here - he'd laugh too

[–] Diagoro 12 years ago

250: Matrix can sense rabbits running in the forest.

251: Matrix only surrenders to tickling.

[–] Diagoro 12 years ago

252: If someone dies on a plane, the crew will disembark the corpse along with the other passengers, who are all busy smiling waving and not at all bothered by the murder on their flight.

[–] hernanmachopaul 12 years ago

252. Extensive use of cheesy one-liners will eventually protect you against massive gunfire.
253. Use the words "Put the knife away, and shut your mouth!" when you want to intimidate a piss-ant soldier.
254. The simple use of the phrase "Put away that *beep* gun." directed towards an armed man will cause him to throw his gun away and go berserk.

[–] Diagoro 12 years ago

255. You can take Scuba lessons at gun stores. I saw the poster.

[–] mardypeking 12 years ago

256. it is a documentary, not a movie

[–] Sandcooler 12 years ago

257. You can shoot someone off a rooftop without even pointing your gun upwards.
258. If you spend an hour with a guy and you almost get killed around twenty times, keep following him anyway for no goddamn reason.

[–] matt_garside75 12 years ago

259. Porsche 911's will magically repair themselves after a crash

[–] Brain_Loop 11 years ago

260. Flight crew will not notice anything amiss with the plane even though the pressure seals have been compromised and continue on an 11 hour journey.

261. Large Austrians are afraid of dogs.

[–] Diagoro 11 years ago

262. Always use open-ended questions when talking to Matrix.

[–] dantedanger 11 years ago

263. You can use light rubber hangings in malls to swing several hundred foot across a mall without them breaking, bearing in mind you're a massive bodybuilder.

264. The easiest way to get a man out of a phone box is to rip the phonebox off the wall and then lift it into the air, before shaking it around.

[–] necron99 10 years ago

262: Bennett never liked the "Girl George" joke that Matrix tells.

263: Feeding a deer immediately establishes the sentimental side of a tough character.

264: A wild deer will allow a person to feed it.

265: One cannot be shot as long as a somersault is being performed.