MovieChat Forums > General Discussion > Lets be friends!

Lets be friends!

posted 2 years ago by Kj1oceanlust (1485)
73 replies | jump to latest

I've noticed this often with women notably over 40, on dating sites. But I'm sure younger women have said it too. I wonder if any men ever try using this line. They proposition it on whomever they may be conversing with, or they may even include it in their profiles. The line I'm talking about is "want to start as friends", or straight up state "starting as friends". When I read that, it's an instant turn off. Because since when should a healthy friendship start by one person dictating the course they feel it should or needs to take? Like seriously ladies, do you have a tumor or something? It seems the over 40 women where I live are all ridiculously out of touch with reality. And they wonder why they're lives seem to be in a perpetual state of being chronically single. Does anyone else here feel this way? What's your take on this ideology?

[–] AndyKing1967 (39050) 2 years ago

A lot of women over 40 like Aerosmith, so there's that.

[–] ShogunofYonkers (77984) 2 years ago

I’m a huge fan of Aerosmith and Frankenmonkey is one of rock’s greatest frontmen imho.

[–] Kj1oceanlust (1485) 2 years ago

The best thing that could happen to the Frankenmonkey would be for him to be shot on their fuck off tour. And the rest of his troop as well.

[–] Kowalski (76781) 2 years ago

THAT IS PRETTY FUCKED UP.

[–] Otter (24464) 2 years ago

Well, I was going to say that dying young is a great career move for a rock star, but then I realized that we aren't talking young here.

[–] ShogunofYonkers (77984) 2 years ago

That’s harsh.

[–] Wint3rFir3 (7247) 2 years ago

Women am I right? And those 40 year old women, how dare they try to befriend anyone before becoming intimate with them? The nerve.

Jokes aside, if women wanting to be friends with you at the start is a turn-off, they're not the problem. They're being clear about what they want, so if anyone is not interested in that, they know immediately. You can't tell me you'd prefer to be lied to and have someone string you along, all for them to say, no thanks to intimacy, I just wanted a friend actually - you'd be on here complaining about that instead in that case.

Also, women don't wonder why they're in a perpetual state of being chronically single, they're making the choice to be single because they have little to no options and wondering why that is, but then they probably talk to someone with your mindset and are like "Oh yeah, THIS is why" and happily maintain that single-hood. Being single isn't bad, not having the option to date someone decent is what sucks.

[–] Kj1oceanlust (1485) 2 years ago

I dare you to watch this....
https://youtu.be/qcYtwQG_3y4

[–] Wint3rFir3 (7247) 2 years ago

I'm more of a truth kind of truth or dare person, so, no.

[–] PaladinNJ (21587) 2 years ago

My experience with "Let's be friends." has also been they may want a relationship but it's not with you.

[–] Otter (24464) 2 years ago

Well, that is what "friends" mean.

[–] miller74 (0) 2 years ago

[deleted]

[–] BillHicksFan (10647) 2 years ago

I think it's a good thing. Almost like a filter, or a warning. Everyone wants what they want, they usually just can't get it.

I'll let you all fight over this. I'm going to watch something on TCM

[–] ShogunofYonkers (77984) 2 years ago

Smart move😄

[–] Otter (24464) 2 years ago

Hey, guys! How do you feel about submitting a 500 word essay before she agrees to any contact???

No, really.

https://nypost.com/2023/05/11/i-make-men-submit-a-500-word-essay-to-date-me/?sr_share=facebook&utm_source=NYPFacebook&utm_medium=SocialFlow&utm_campaign=SocialFlow&fbclid=IwAR16F7Zs2RgaX-jySLN2OcUhrgTecH8Zl4BHUc5FmCH6mNATerIprQZg4iI&mibextid=Zxz2cZ

[–] Kj1oceanlust (1485) 2 years ago

What a washed up entitled bitch! So not worthy of any self respecting man's time. Too bad there weren't recycle bins for these kinds of useless women.

[–] HarveyManFredSin (4877) 2 years ago

I don't understand your grievance. Who's dictating anything? Like you say, you can just swipe past such prospects, but is there anything wrong with a woman, or indeed a man, saying "I want to start things off slowly and see where it goes from there (i.e. 'friends')"?

[–] Kj1oceanlust (1485) 2 years ago

Yes I do think that's wrong if someone feels the need to put themselves in a position of authority to call the shot's with whomever. When people want to make it seem as though others have a criteria to meet and course to follow, that's not a friendship or what could lead to one, that's being manipulative. People who think like that are headstrong and controlling. Not someone I would want as a friend, and from my experiences that's exactly what I've found out from people who preach this. Another more simple way to look at it, if someone thought they had a chance with their favorite celebrity (by chance meaning opportunity to become personnel friends), they wouldn't tell them that. If a woman who was a fan of Ben Afleck and met him and he was single and expressed liking or interest in her, she would be all over him, trying whatever to get to know him. She wouldn't dare tell him "we'll have to start off as friends. I just know it!

[–] Otter (24464) 2 years ago

Why on Earth do you have a problem with being warned off of certain people? They know what they want and don't want, and if that means it'd never work between you and they, the polite thing to do is to let you know not to waste your time.

Because having contact with these women really would be wasting your time. Why the hell do you want your time wasted?

[–] Kj1oceanlust (1485) 2 years ago

Because of what I said, it's a game their playing, a ruse. Their trying to assert a position of authority over someone saying that. And if you accept it, your just playing into their ridiculous drama game. If I want someone as a friend, I'm not going to place conditions on our interactions. And I don't tend to like people who have to follow scripts. Those people are wimpy ass manipulative assholes, who lack a sense of adventure and maturity. I can live in the moment and make decisions as I go, as I would expect any mature decent person could.

[–] Otter (24464) 2 years ago

Honey, everyone has conditions! You have conditions for every sort of relationship, I have conditions, everyone does.

The difference between you and other people is not that you put conditions on a sexual, romantic, or friendly relationship, it's that you aren't aware of the conditions you're placing on interactions.

[–] Kj1oceanlust (1485) 2 years ago

No, I disagree. The true meaning of what someone (in my case a woman) is saying to me and others by stating friendship first, is that I'm not into now, but I want you to think you have a chance. You know, like Lloyd Christmas's one in a million chance lol, from Dumb & Dumber. They're just saying it because it makes them feel good, much the same as being able to save up money, only in this case it's people's aspirations. Anyone who decides to really hold onto hope after hearing this, is allowing themselves to be put into a potential reserve. By "potential reserve" I mean she's just telling me I think enough of you to not totally shoot you down now, but at best, your now a designated possible back up alternative to her other suitors she's into, if it should fall through. So she's saying your second best. I won't be anyone's second best! The biggest positive I can take from this if she told me this personally, is she's saying I at the very least seem like a nice person worthy of being spared outright rejection. I wouldn't peruse her any further, she's just not worthy of my affections. I would just keep her at an arm's length as she is me.

[–] Otter (24464) 2 years ago

Dude, the sane response to someone telling you that your chances are one in a million, is to say "Thanks, that's good to know", and look for someone else who offers better odds! Because that's how sane people play the game, they put the big potential dealbreakers up front, so nobody wastes time on something futile. Because every sane person knows that there are dealbreakers out there, and complaining about dealbreakers doesn't make the dealbreakers go away.

You have been notified of a dealbreaker. Stop whining and look for someone who might be compatible.

[–] Kowalski (76781) 2 years ago

Those people are wimpy ass manipulative assholes, who lack a sense of adventure and maturity.

SOUNDS LIKE YOU.🫤

[–] HarveyManFredSin (4877) 2 years ago

Isn't it far better that people are upfront and lay their cards on the table from the outset, rather than mess you about?

Also, why do you have a problem with women who assert themselves (not that being honest/straight with you is remotely akin to being 'authorative', because, guess what? You can be honest/straight with them back).

[–] Kj1oceanlust (1485) 2 years ago

If you think they're being up front with you telling you "It will have to start as us being friends", hate to break it to you, but your being a gullible fool. Anyone who accepts that proposition is lessening themselves. The person pushing the "friends first" is just going to end up thinking, oh they don't care about being relegated. Like I said, they wouldn't tell their favorite celebrity that. The most important thing I can emphasize here, is: it's not necessary to say "friendship first". If someone likes someone, they will just accept a typical simple social course with them without establishing boundaries. Make of that what you will. This is why I can't be bothered to risk asking a woman out. Frankly, I've never liked that way of saying it either. Infact, I'm sure I've never said to a woman, "will you go out with me"?. That's so fucking juvenile lol.

[–] Otter (24464) 2 years ago

So don't accept "the proposition"! She doesn't want you to - she's specifically looking for someone unlike you! Dude, she isn't what you want her to be. You can't make her into what you want her to be. So tell that part of your brain that doesn't want to give up on her to shut it.

Are you just now, at your age, figuring out that women aren't all alike, that some are actually not compatible with you? Well, better late than never.

[–] Kj1oceanlust (1485) 2 years ago

What I've come to figure out all too well in the last 10 to 15 years is that younger women are superior to older one's in every way. The physical attributes of younger women are superior. Younger women if they take care of themselves, have much nicer bodies than older women over 35 per say. Women 40 and over are almost always fat, have sagging tits, stretch marks and loose pussy's. And then, as I stated earlier, it seems many women by age 40 already have one foot in the grave. Their just so damn sickly health wise. Whenever I get talking with one in this age category, it never seems to fail that I always learn in short time of some serious life altering health calamity/s they have had. And younger women are just simple and have better attitudes. They just want to enjoy life and aren't afraid of living unlike many more matured women 40 and beyond.

[–] Otter (24464) 2 years ago

Oh FFS. You can't take even the politest, most impersonal, not-you-its-me implied rejection, from someone you apparently never even *contacted*, so now you're trying to convince yourself that you were the one who did the rejecting!

Get therapy. You need it.

[–] Mrmojo4700 (21576) 2 years ago

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