I hate it. Society wants me to be polite otherwise I'll come across as a sociopath.
So I laugh at jokes that aren't funny. I smile when people greet me or say goodbye.
I'll apologize to smooth things over when I may not be remorseful, all for politeness.
It sucks. I hate being fake.
Being civil with strangers is a good thing, it is the cornerstone of society.
Being 'fake' with good friends however, is a mistake.
It’s nice to be nice.
shareI used to hate seeing my father, who is not a nice man, acting like a nice person for visitors to our house. Very fake. It used to annoy me.
I think there’s a big difference between genuine politeness and insincerity.
shareSo, you're not really annoyed about what "society wants". You're mad at your father and obviously you've been mad at him for a long time.
That's an issue better addressed in a psych forum.
lol I thought you'd say that.
No it's actually about me, having to deal with people and come across as friendly. I don't want to come across as a jerk, or cold, or boring, etc. Most people don't. It's called 'making an effort'. But laughing at people's jokes when I don't find them funny is probably the hardest part.
A fake smile can also make me feel a little like a phoney.
I think that's why babies are so likeable. We know that their smiles are from a genuine place.
That wasn't a criticism, just a suggestion.
If you're bothered by having to laugh at jokes which you don't find funny, you can learn new social skills that can help you to get through those awkward situations. It's not such a big deal, so don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Don't always assume that "society" really expects anyone to laugh when they're not amused. Most normal people know, when they tell a joke, that it may not be received with huge guffaws, and most people aren't shattered when their jokes fall flat. There's really no need to beat yourself up about it. But if you really feel you have to do something, there are many gestures and facial expressions you can adopt. A wry smile, quickly followed by telling your own joke, will work.
That's just one. You can figure out some others, no doubt.
Horse shit. One can recognize someone for who they are and be mentally healthy.
By the way, you have no idea if he's mad at his father or not.
What an empty reply, chilone. Makes me think that perhaps you have an "issue" similar to this one troubling you.
shareI call bullshit dr. Phil. Chilone’s reply wasn’t empty, he’s saying he thinks you’re full of shit, and so do I. I think it’s silly to make assumptions about someone by reading one post. Asking questions is a much better way of getting to know someone.
You’re obviously angry with your father and should visit the psych forum?! 😂ok bro
(Sigh, another one)...
Look, Intothenight said this; "I used to hate seeing my father, who is not a nice man, acting like a nice person for visitors to our house. Very fake. It used to annoy me."
To which I replied; "So, you're not really annoyed about what "society wants". You're mad at your father and obviously you've been mad at him for a long time."
You call that an assumption? I call it a considered assessment based on what ITN expressed. You say we should ask questions instead of assuming? Okay, then how about you and your friend chilone do just that, and start a conversation with Intothenight, instead of wasting time pulling my contribution to pieces in order to attack me?
Keep working on your armchair psychology degree.
shareI disagree. You can be polite and genuine, without being fake.
shareThen I'll get nowhere in life because they'll be like 'what's with that guy, I smile and say hello and he just stares at me.'
shareIf that's your choice.
You can choose differently, you know. But it takes work. When I was young, I'd blame others for what were really my own flaws. The day I started taking an honest look at myself and seeing that I was responsible for much of my own unhappiness, not others, was the day I started to genuinely grow up. I didn't like having to face myself that honestly, either. It was embarrassing & humbling to have to admit to my willing complicity in being unhappy with myself. But it changed my life for the better—much better!
You sound miserable and like you're faking normalcy to fit in.
Is the issue really about being polite or are you faking empathy? Two different issues.