Any one else find....?

I agree that he was quite selfish and its shocking to see such an attitude of a husband to his wife but I find that its a common trait of very smart people who have PHD's and stuff (including my grandfather).

They are not able to see the human factor in people because everything is calculated by science and can be explained by science to them. Example was when both of them went to see the doctor and how Alec was counter arguing with the doctor on a possibility that its not Alzheimer's.

So to him getting his new job far away is calculated by the monetary reward that will be necessary to help with his wife. I can guarantee that even if he would have quit his job a moved to the county side, where rent is cheap.

But the overall portrayal is quite realistic and its not uncommon, unfortunately.

While I feel he is selfish, until you are in the position it's not fair to claim you'd act differently.

I've watched several couples close to me (grandparents and in-laws) struggle with dementia or a crippling disease. While none of the spouses went to this level of leaving - it's exhausting to live through. They each lost touch with their friends because they didn't have time or ability to do things, family stayed away and life in general was focused solely on the person around the clock.

Friend of mine's dad had a disease that lasted 20+ years and in the last 5 he was very limited physically and in the end limited mentally. It shocked the sons who lived out of town when he died that she declared she was happy he died. The daughters who were there daily completely understood. It took her entire life just to survive.

Friend of mine's mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2001 and died last month near Xmas. While she had been in a home the last 2 years - it still overcame the entire family.

I didn't find the husband selfish, he said clearly they need money now more than ever (although to me seemed keeping such big house with high maintenance for 2 people like completely unnecessary luxury especially in this situation, but maybe it's normal in US), so yes while leaving work would be nice from emotional standpoint it is not rational from long term perspective, I guess he needs lots of money to take care about her at home as long as possible (despite she won't be very aware of it) or in some good quality home.

I don't see him selfish when he is scared at home where is she because she doesn't want to have fanny bag to carry mobile, he seemed quite supportive to me.

Plus now he has once in lifetime opportunity for his career and also to gain more money without her income, but in the end decides not to take it.

I would say everyone would deal with this situation in his own way and you can't say which one is good or bad, it's just different and we can't really judge him not being in his shoes.

For me it seemed personally they could just sell the huge house and move to much smaller apartment and he could take some time off to be with her while she is still being herself, but dunno what would happen then, I am not that familiar with US healthcare/insurance.

Peter Markoff
The best - Fight Club, American Beauty & Falling Down.

A monster no scared yes.

How do yo deal with slowly loosing the one you love?

People react differently and he didn't want to face it directly because it was too scary.
I personal didn't want to see this film because its hitting way to close to home.

Seen a neurologist myself recently and iam apparently showing signs of early onset Parkinson.
Iam having increasing memory issues so watching this is frightening.

That said i can understand the horror of watching it happening from both her side and his and the inablty to do anything to help the one you love so much.

Us guys are really good at compartmentalizing and refusing to look to closely or we do what he did in the end and cry.

"Doing that to someone"? Doing what?

No, he can't take off a year from work. Alice was thinking that, like in her profession, he could take a year off as a sabatical. It doesn't work that way in his field. To take a year off means you quit your job.

Especially with her illness, they needed a steady income because of the expenses. Alice was going to need lifelong care.

This is how it is. Practicalities. She was lucky she had a husband and kids to take care of her. Think of all the unmarried people who get Alz. There is no one to look after their interests.

He was not fed up with her at all. He was sad because he had lost his wife. She was no longer Alice, really. Just her body was Alice's. In all other respects, she was not. Alice was dead. She did not know who he was.

Agree with u. Also feel the movie is a tad overrated.

I think in this story, the easy way would have been to portray the husband as someone who easily accepted his wife's diagnosis and then selflessly spent the rest of his life patiently caring for her. Real life just isn't like that. They were a relatively young couple to be dealing with this horrible disease. Financially, they needed an income..especially as Alice's care needs increased. Dealing day in day out with someone with memory issues is frustrating and, although you know it isn't their fault, it completely changes the relationship you have with them. I think another frustration for her husband was that, as educated as they both were, there was nothing they could do to stop what was happening. The documentary "The Genius of Marian" gives a true insight of a family living with alzheimer's.

I did not feel that about the sabbatical. He is presented a lot of times working, speaking about it with Alice. He is presented like Alice: people who thrive on their work. To take a sabbatical would be to loose other fundamental piece of his identity. Alice was obliged to do it. John is loosing Alice. Why compound his loss? I would feel selfish myself if I thought he had to do that. But I thought like you when he wanted to move away.