MovieChat Forums > Still Alice (2015) Discussion > Any one else find....?

Any one else find....?

posted 10 years ago by gouebaultjeff
48 replies | jump to latest

Maybe I am wrong as I have not lived through this and I hope I never have to quite honestly.

Did it seem to anyone that the husband was quite selfish? (again please don't all engage in flame wars) I am just curious, I mean the woman spent got knows how many years married to this man and he could not even give her one year? I understand It hurts to watch someone you love basically vanish, but I think that he could at least have done that considering? Also he then leaves her to take a job? I understand life goes on but this is something that will happen once to him in his life. I mean this is his wife the supposed love of his life and yeah we see a scene where he cries, but I mean it seemed like he was fed up with her? Anyway I digress, I just couldn't imagine doing that to someone.

[–] Nanosecond 10 years ago

Yes. You were supposed to feel that way about him. Alice called him out on his BS and he doesn't come to grips with it until his youngest daughter Lydia comes home to take care of her and he breaks down. I'm glad they had his character b/c it's real life. Some spouses deal with loved one's illnesses differently and his behavior is no exception.

Nobody can hear you. Nobody cares about you. Nothing will come of this.

[–] gouebaultjeff 10 years ago

Okay, Thank you. I was not sure since no one else had made the comment.

[–] gluey 10 years ago

Also he then leaves her to take a job?

Some things to keep in mind:

- I think at one point he mentioned financial obligations he had to keep. Not sure what that was about but perhaps they had a high amount of debt. As such, he couldn't afford to take a year off, etc.

- The original plan was for her to go with him and get care there, either in-home and/or at an excellent assisted living place. But ultimately he saw that he couldn't take her away from NY because in her heart she wasn't ready to leave.

- While he may have been a bit selfish, he was probably still in denial to a degree and didn't want to confront the realities of the situation.

[–] gouebaultjeff 10 years ago

I don't know about the financial argument so I can't say much.

However she never agreed to go with him, in fact i recall her saying there is nothing there for me why would I leave? she never had any intention of going with him at any point.

The denial thing is possible, the whole character was really well played, I mean I just did not like the guy. He basically did nothing for her. It was the daughter they both ragged on all the time that stepped up and took care of her mother.

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] gouebaultjeff 10 years ago

I guess we have different visions of love.

I could have swallowed all of it, he had not rejected the year sabbatical to be with her, instead he refused and then later went on to say that he did not want to watch what was happening to her. I understand it, but it is very selfish. In my opinion he was very cold for the most part.

[–] linus-hirschi 10 years ago

Your good intent is immune to arguments. That's the nature of good intent.

Reality then remains your only adversary.

Only by choosing the hardest challenge you will gain true experience.

I wish you the very best.

[–] GoodSOVeryVeryGood 9 years ago

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

[–] englisher101 10 years ago

I like to also think I could have swallowed all of it. I'm married and I love my wife dearly, and somehow the movie made me think of her and what I'd do in such a scenario.

I like to think I'm a good enough being to go through that. I'd like to think I'd sacrifice everything and stick by her no matter what.

At the same time, I can't really imagine what it'd be like to be married to a woman who can't even remember our first date, especially when one of her greatest charms is her intellect. As mentioned previously, the ultimate test is to personally live through it.

I remember observing children of other couples and thinking I could be the most awesome parent ever. After I had children, I learned how difficult it is to do that every single day. Sometimes you get so tired and you're never given a rest, and you snap in anger when you swore you never would out of sheer exhaustion. I wasn't as good as I imagined I would be as a parent. That said, I still consider myself a pretty great parent. My kids adore me, but I wasn't as good as I thought I would be. I had some weak moments where I let emotions overcome me.

That said, I'd like to think I'm better, but that's all I would say. I hope if it ever happens, that I'm as good as I hope I am.

Also, there are people who are suffering out there every single day. If we're really true to our intentions, there's nothing stopping us from going out there and seeking to help someone. It's easy to be a great person when it's convenient.

[–] gmoxie 9 years ago

I agree with this explanation. I think he handled the situation well and demonstrated how deeply in love he was with her as well as how her condition was so terribly painful to him. When a person has deteriorated as much as Alice had by the end of the film, they might almost seem happier or just distant/detached, while it's the spouse going through hell.

They were used to living on two incomes and now they have one, and there are likely high medical bills and other bills (besides a maid there will likely be some kind of a medical practitioner since the daughter will not be home all the time and does not have medical expertise). He clearly said that they needed the income and he was being practical.

Very few people can take a whole year off without any incoming pay. If he didn't take this job at the Mayo now he would not have the job. He said that the job at the Mayo does not give sabbaticals, unlike university professors. Usually a sabbatical is granted to tenured professors for a specific reason e.g. to gain new skills, write a book, do research, travel (gain new knowledge), etc. and the professor gets paid during this leave period. It's not a vacation where they can do anything they want. I think both had just taken sabbaticals to write books and you can't do it every other year -- maybe it's after 7 or 10 years? So even if he had stayed at the university he would not be eligible for another sabbatical was my thinking.

I think that he was thoughtful because he listened to her about not wanting to move - she wanted to stay in familiar surroundings. This means that by leaving Alice in her familiar surroundings, he had to pay for additional lodging for himself in Minnesota (at least until he brings her to Minnesota).

Also, it probably will not be that long before she does not recognize anything. Even though it did not say this in the film, I think that at that point he could bring her to Minnesota to be in a nursing home close to him, and she would not know the difference. He does not need to prove to the audience that he loves his wife by sitting at home dressing and feeding her 24/7 for a year, while it slowly turns him into a broken man. If this is a situation that would rip him apart, then Alice would not want it for him either. This is really an important point. He is doing this FOR her. His choice to take the job was a good one and I think it was not only practical but it was based in love.

[–] LexTrex 10 years ago

the husband was much worse in the book. he was the reason for her fast deterioration by making her take experimental drugs. they made his character more likable in the movie

[–] gouebaultjeff 10 years ago

Oh was he? Thanks for sharing that. I have not read the book and don't think I could the movie was rough enough.

[–] beth-c-drake 10 years ago

I did not view him as being worse in the book. In fact, they were both presented with experimental options and he wanted to go with one more cutting-edge. She decided on the one that had a placebo, which ultimately did not help. Her fast deterioration was due to the type of AD she was dealing with -- inherited EOAD. I had a cousin who went through this and it was very bad. My mother-in-law also has it, but her stages seem to be rather slow progressing. Some might think that slower is better, but not so when the stage is filled with anger and rage.

[–] chasrein-179-708877 10 years ago

By the time he left, Alice wasn't even aware day to day if he was there or not. He left her in the care of their daughter. I'm sure if the subject came up of "where is he" she could just say he went to the store or something. He still has a life to lead and this was his big break, it could not be put off. I did not see his as selfish at all. It was mother - daughter bonding time.

[–] gouebaultjeff 10 years ago

I did not really complain much about that part but she did ask him to take a year sabbatical to be with her, knowing full well she was probably going to get worse which she did very fast. I understand life goes on, but It felt very selfish on his end like very cold and uninterested for the most part.

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] kleppp 10 years ago

Dude there's no doubt he was selfish and some people here have not seen the same movie i did, apparently, because when he argues of their financial situation Alice clearly sees right through him and calls him out on his bullsh*t and she actually says to him that hes running away from the situation. Now i understand that he might have been scared and that he might not have known how to handle the situation and even that he might have been on some level of denial but that does not make him less selfish, actually its quite the opposite. A selfless person would just have gotten over his own sh*t and would've just dealt with the whole thing and tried to make the best of things for Alice... Thru out the whole movie i felt Alice's increasing loneliness in her disease and that was the hardest part. In the end the only one that seemed any selfless was her daughter that got her own things on hold to be there for her mother. Im not saying he didn't love Alice, im just saying he was selfish or, if you want to put in another way, he was a weak character because he couldn't handle what was happening and the reality around him.

[–] mmitchell355-2 10 years ago

In the book the husband reminds Alice, he can't take a sabbatical, because he was not due one. In the book, Alice and the husband had taken a joint sabbatical, and each had written a book. The husband reminds Alice he wasn't due another sabbatical, for a few years.

[–] bigBang8 10 years ago

That was pretty human. If my loved one got hit by such a disease i'd jump outta the window than see them vanish.

The increase in human knowledge is the cause of the decline of religions.

[–] ablack90 10 years ago

Ya, I think it's meaningless to place judgment on the husband. He dressed her, took her for ice cream, went to all her neurologist appointments, repeated himself until he was blue in the face. Unless we've walked a mile in someone's shoes ... don't judge. What's wrong with family members taking turns to provide care for someone that ill? Lydia took over in the end and I think that was a win-win situation for everyone. We see him break down and cry with Lydia ... it's not a walk in the park caring for someone with Alzheimer's. Before someone gets all Nurse Nightingale in my face, just remember, not everyone has the same strength for all the same things.

[–] ryansythe 10 years ago

I think there is a reality to it. We know he loves her, we can see. Especially, when the daughter comes home for her and he says "You're a better man than I am." I think deep down he wants to and really wishes he can be in reality most people wouldn't quit their job for a year because it would be very hard to get back to that spot. Yes ideally in true love he would do that, but this isn't a hollywood movie, it is very realistic.

[–] lialearnstorock 10 years ago

Taking her for ice cream, and the expression on Baldwin's face when he told her she was the smartest person he ever met, and it was like he wanted them to be young again, and she was not "there" in her mind, and his face was on the verge of falling, that was quite an emotional moment in the film, very poignant and simple yet emotionally-charged

This got into me, too. at that point I know that he tried his best to be present and be there for her. changed her clothes, answered her same questions many times.

It's aligned with psychological theory about facing death. You'll be in denial > anger > bargaining > depression > acceptance. I think Alec's broke down crying in his daughter's room was kinda heartbreaking and slight part of his depression about. and the next part is his acceptance, that he had to be realistic about it.

on the book, it's explained that when Alice visited a nursing center and she asked about the cost of that place, it's around 100k dollars a year. and Alice's young, so multiply that for at least 10 years being there, they'd sure need a lot of money. it's understandable that Alec would wanna keep her at house as long as possible, with the help from their daughter. but for how long?
it's just realistic that the husband wouldn't leave the job for the money since Alice couldn't work any longer.

if this is just another Hollywood movie, you'll see them being together for all eternity, him spending his days in bed with her until the picture fades away.

"I am a Knight, and Cersei is a Queen,"

[–] simonemesquita 10 years ago

She was young, prestigious and wealthy. I believe she could even be responsible for more than half from the couple's earnings.

The financial drop is obvious, suddenly she turned from a high income to an even higher expense, that's the reason being sick causes bankruptcies.

I mean, what is a good husband? What is really the right thing to do? Work as hell to keep her longer at home and loose her last good year? Being by her side until she looses her mind and her home?

Rarely the first answer you give is the right one in a complicated situation.

Maybe this was the time for her daughter step in. He supported her acting career against her mother wishes. The daughter had to be by his side now taking care of her mom.

[–] taylorje 10 years ago

I haven't yet seen the movie but I've read the book several times. I think he is considering their future and the likelihood that she will almost surely end up in a nursing home. The job he was offered paid more than his Harvard job and and was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Why should he turn it down because Alice wants to stay in Boston?

Promises cannot always be kept. Hard decisions must be made that are in the best interest of everyone, although it may not seem so at the time.

How long could the daughters continue taking care of Alice? She will eventually deteriorate to the point where they can't do it anymore.

[–] mlewis78 10 years ago

Does the book take place in Boston? The movie was in NYC and Alice taught linguistics at Columbia. It wasn't clear what her husband did, but he did have to go to Columbia campus for an evening of work, so I assumed he taught there or did research there. Perhaps someone here would enlighten me.

[–] simonemesquita 10 years ago

I did not read the book.