Tobias Wolff is only a few years older than I am so I know that people did hit their kids, usually with a belt or hairbrush, but Dwight would have been one of the worst parents even at that time. Everyone knew the people who punched their kids, hit them in the face, left welts or bruises on them, and it was clear that they were very much looked down upon, and many clearly had mental problems. I grew up in a project where people were working class, nearly none of the adults had completed high school, many if not most men's free time was spent at the bar,and families had very little discretionary income. Constant worries about income, loss of a job, the hard life in general often made people take their frustrations out on the kids and one would have been yelled at about the mustard, perhaps slapped if we gave a particularly "fresh" answer but...
I read an interview with Dwight's kids years ago in which they said he wasn't nearly this bad, but this is from Tobias' point of view and there's no doubt he would have felt trapped with a man who was so different in every way from him. Some kids work around their crazy parents by being secretive and outwardly compliant and some feel they have to stand up or they'll drown, no matter what the consequences. I was constantly told to stop wasting time reading and get out and do something useful. College, reading, artistic interests were generally considered unaffordable luxuries (and sissified for boys) in that world, but our parents had come from a background of much tougher childhoods, which we knew nothing about, where they often had to worry about keeping body and soul together. Their primary concern was that we were able to support ourselves. People who were "soft" needed to be hardened up lest they end up being the aunt or uncle who never moved out of their parents' house.
I think money was pretty tight in that family and Dwight was an extremely insecure, jealous and intellectually limited man. It's very probable that he would have lost business when his wife went to work for the Democrats and that the financial pressure he felt made him go off about wasting anything. On the other hand, no matter how poor we were, everyone was able to afford a pair of Keds sneakers and keeping Toby's money while refusing to get him shoes or a uniform, if true, wouldn't be anymore understandable then than it is now - it wasn't the '30's. It would have been torture for Wolff to live under his control and he probably felt for his own sanity he needed to challenge and confront Dwight, highlighting how much smarter he was and constantly triggering Dwight's own insecurities. His mother I understand very well. Most women needed a man to survive, he didn't seem awful when she met him, and she was trying to make the best of the situation to give Tobias some financial security - happened every day. Divorce, even in the worst situations, was rare for working class people.
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