Things We Learned from 'SWTE'



1. Its possible to keep a bar of soap looking perfect next to a sink.
2. When your husband knocks you to the floor and kicks you in your crotch, its only a *quarrel".
3. If you have sex before the afternoon, its considered "a little too early for this."
4. When you're in a new town with no job and limited funds, you should always buy name-brand food and African violets.
5. When confronted by a weirdo neighbor for stealing HIS apples, be sure to be belligerent with him.
6....?



"I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus."
"Didn't he discover America?"
"Penfold, shush."

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240 Always smile after sex even if it ain't good. Lol

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241. Don't pawn the wedding ring you never intend on wearing again, from the spouse you never intend on seeing again, just throw it away instead.

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242. Bad guys wear dark suits with long black trench coats, barely smile, have conservative haircuts, and bug their eyes. Good guys wear faded jeans, smile lots, have shaggy hair, and sing show tunes while watering their lawns.

When you get up in the morning, how do you decide what shade of black to wear? (Shallow Grave)

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244. weather reports are always wrong
245. your fake mustache won't come off at a water fountain no matter how long you let the water stream over your lips.
246. if a psychopathic man holds a gun to your face while asking about his wife, just tell him you live with another man and he'll let you go.

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247. When returning from your swim to shore, dont worry about all the sand you got in your hair and all over your body when you were laying in it on the beach. Not a trace of it will be left in the house when you return to gather your things and run away

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248. When you are fleeing from your psycho husband, by swimming to shore no less, take the time to free your hair from its braid.



I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush.

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249. Maniacal husbands don't like their wives to look classy for stupid parties.


I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush.

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250. Wedding rings won't flush down the toilet.

251. Carry a cd or tape of Brown Eye Girl with you everywhere for playing it to charm the girl you like.

252. Take swimming lessons if you are in an abusive relationship because your abusive spouse will just happen to make you go sailing and that will just happen to be when you are done with you're swimming lessons. Not when you started or in the middle of them but afterwards.

253. When your abusive spouse thinks you are dead he or she will mourn for you. Not because he or she is sad that you are dead. Because now he or she will have to start all over again. Finding someone to torment, abuse and control just isn't easy.

Damn, I'm good.

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OMG I thought similarly about No. 253! 
I never got the impression that Martin was at all 'sad' about Laura's death.
The very first time I saw this film & I chuckled at sad-sack Martin coming back after the sailing incident, I said out loud "Awww, now his wife/food/cleaning/sex-slave is gone! He'll need to break in a new one!"




I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush.

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254. Martin is very very wealthy, has a huge summer home and loves sailing, yet never buys his own boat, he practically begs others for a sailboat ride!

255. Dinner is evidently the most important meal of the day, and must be dressed for, and served on time. Breakfast & lunch however are catch as catch can.

256. If you know the right shop, you can bring your wife lingerie already wrapped in a box.

257. Ditto the tightest, most-unopened bunch of roses one has ever seen.



I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush.

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258. Classical music is perfect for tyrannising your embattered wife.

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258. Classical music is perfect for tyrannising your battered wife.

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258. Classical music is perfect for tyrannising your embattered wife.

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Hahahahaha this is an amazing thread. Sorry if these have been mentioned already..


259: 2 questions is TOO MANY questions. Even if its only 2

260: Martin has absolutely zero peripheral vision or ability to walk in anything other than a straight line. Even if his straight line is in direct trajectory with a group of people gathering or playing sport in the park

261: young impressionable ladies working as assistants in care homes will only be too happy to perform secret espionage and reporting on specific visitors at the whim of tall, handsome, confident, well spoken strangers

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