Okay, here we go:
From "Dead Men Don't Do Aerobics", once Al finds out that Jim Jupiter was a gymnast:
Al: "Wait 'til I tell Steve. He's well-known for his masculinity."
Steve: "(singing outside on his way to the Bundys in a high, falsetto voice) For I am a wandering minstrel..."
*******
Al: "Oh, great. You're talking beer, you're talking my language."
Marcy: "You're talking beer, you're talking his belly."
*******
Marcy: "See, I told you it was Al, Jefferson. I can understand that you think it was an orangutan, but I knew it was him when I spotted that bald spot from the freeway!"
*******
Al: "Get your shoe lights! Shoe lights! Fire sale! (pitifully and about to cry) Oh, God!"
*******
(While having a "dog daydream")
Al: "(sings) A dog is an animal with big, floppy ears...Oh, God!"
*******
(Gilbert Gottfried's perfect imitation of Jerry Seinfeld)
Gilbert: "What is the deal with people who ride buses? Who are these people, and where do they find exact change?"
*******
(Al was edited out of a TV commercial)
Al: "Hey, hey! What happened to my face?"
Peg: "You inherited it from your father."
*******
(Al, after being hit by Kelly in the Dodge)
Al: "I-one-ugh!"
Kelly: "I-won-won?"
Al: "(In pain) 9-1-1!"
*******
(Al tries to remember a song from his youth)
Al: "Hmm-hmm-hmm!"
Peg: "Trim your nosehairs, Al. When you were humming, one of the hairs looked like a squid that was going on reach out and grab the kids."
*******
The whole 976-SHOE episode was golden, but my favorite parts were when Al was listening for the phone and Steve sits on the couch, frozen in place with his eyes open and unresponsive.
(Doorbell rings)
Al: (picking up receiver) Dr. Shoe?"
Peg: "It's the doorbell, Al."
Al: "Then get it! I'm on the phone! Dr. Shoe?"
Later on, after Marcy comes over to confront her husband:
Marcy: "You told me not to yell at you about the loan until midnight! Well, it's midnight and what am I seeing?"
(Steve is still unresponsive)
Peg: "He hasn't spoken in hours, Marcy."
(Marcy goes over to him on the couch and gets up in his face)
Marcy: "Don't you try that coma stuff with me, Steven!"
(She stares at him eye-to-eye and he comes out of his "coma" with a look of shame on his face)
Marcy: "You lent this man $50,000? That's $1,000 an IQ point. And I can't really blame Al for this. You give a gun to a chimp and the chimp shoots someone, you don't blame the chimp!"
After Steve and Marcy leave so that he can "service" her due to his stupidity...
Peg: "Boy, if you had to service me every time you did something stupid, I'd be as flat as an all-beef patty!"
You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same.
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justinmarshall987
10 years ago
From 3.5 "A Dump of My Own"
Marcy: Let me be honest with you. Peggy, I once loaned money to a friend and that person never paid me back. I never said a word about it but I harbored a deep resentment , And it strained our relationship to the point where the very sight of that person made me sick.
Peggy: You're kidding. What a low-life. Who was it?
Marcy: It was you, Peggy.
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FreewayShark
10 years ago
One that has me in hysterics every time is the April Fool's episode where Al is fooled into thinking Jefferson is a spy. Peg needs to go to the dentist and keeps badgering Al about swearing he'll take her and it leads to this outburst from Al
Peggy: "You swear?"
Al: "DAMN YOUR HIDE, YES I SWEAR!!!!!! NOW GO WAIT IN THE FREAKING CAR!!!!"
Roll the ugliness
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