More favorite lines?


One of my absolute favorite lines in this, in ANY movie, is when Woody's back in his office with Julie Kavner and he's terrified of having cancer, and she says "2 months ago you thought you had a malignant melanoma."

He says "well how did I know? The sudden appearance of a black spot on my back!"

Julie: "It was on your shirt."

F-ing HILARIOUS.

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About Catholicism, Woody says: Die now, pay later!

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Mickey: A week ago I bought a rifle, I went to the store - I bought a rifle! I was gonna, you know, if they told me I had a tumor, I was gonna kill myself. The only thing that might-ve stopped me - MIGHT'VE - is that my parents would be devastated. I would have to shoot them also, first. And then I have an aunt and uncle - you know - it would've been a blood bath.


...






"It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage... "

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Woody Allen's parents in this movie after he converts to Catholocism "How the hell do I know why the Nazis existed, I can't even figure out the can opener!". I laughed so hard on that one.

--
"Surrender Dorothy!"

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Priceless.

"And it's just one ear?"
"Yes, is it healthier to have problems in both ears?"

Not funny, but I just love the way Dianne Wiest sees him again in the record store, you can tell it's improvised..."I recall you..."

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[deleted]

DAMN FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!

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Yes, Vincent! I love the line about the can opener!

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Agreed; the can opener joke might be Woody Allen's funniest ever.

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I've always liked Woody's perceptive deconstruction of the practical aspects of Nietzsche's doctrine of Eternal Recurrence: "Great. Now I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again."

**********************

The invention of color photography is a mistake from which the movies have never wholly recovered.

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It's not really a line, but I always laugh at the scene when Mickey walks into his apartment and begins to take a bunch of Christ-related objects out a paper bag and then he takes out a loaf of Wonder Bread and a jar of Helmann's Mayonnaise. Classic.

FYC: Martin Scorsese, Mark Wahlberg and Jennifer Hudson

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Hahaha...Yeh. That one got me too. And when he says "You'll just have to masturbate into a cup" to his mate.

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Woody's father: "How do I know why there were Nazis? I dont know how the can opener works..." Ahh,I've noticed the earlier thread on this very line!

What is the significance of the hellmans mayo, if any?

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"Can you imagine the level of a mind that watches wrestling?"

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Re: mayo: all I can think is that some people associate it and white bread with white people.

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Woody's voiceover after meeting with the Hare Krishnas:

Who are you kidding? You're gonna be a Krishna?
You're gonna shave your head and put on robes and dance around at airports?
You'll look like Jerry Lewis.

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"I would have to sit through the Ice Capades again. It's not worth it."

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"...this haircut, masquerading as a man."

or

"Can you imagine the mind that watches wrestling?"




"Death, you are my bitch lover!"

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"I had a great time tonight, really. It was like the Nuremberg Trials."

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I liked the line where Woody Allen names all the people in his life who are going to die ( including his audience ! ) Julie Kavnor adds "your hamster is going to die too.

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