This show was loaded with great dialogue. Let's name some of the best lines.
--From "They Shoot Hammers, Don't They?":
Sledge:
"Let me be a bus stop."
Sledge again:
"Ow! You're supposed to shoot me, not my gun!"
A second later: "Stop shooting my gun!"
"You're not right in the head/
and nor am I/ and this is why/
This is why I like you"
"If I wanted a strange woman in my kitchen cooking me dinner I'd still be married"
(When he finds his stalker in his apartment)
(Hammer is interrupting a court session.)
Female judge: One more outburst like this and I will hold you in contempt of court!
Sledge: If you held me, all there would be is contempt!
Sledge: I've never lived with another human being in my entire life!
Dori: You were married!
Sledge: That's what I mean.
Sledge: (watching tv, apparently "The Cosby Show", in disgust to himself/his gun) "C'mon, Theo, another sweater?"
shareIts a long time since i have watched this but i remember captain trunk calling hammer "HAMMMER i got some great news", "What you can buy guns in a vending machine!"
This has always stuck in my mind. If you know the exact dialogue please post.
GO HAMMER GO, GO HAMMER GO (big crowd and bomb sight)
GO BOMB GO GO BOMB GO (trunk in office)
LMAO.
I haven't seen any of the episodes in year's so these may be a little off...
In Jagged Sledge:
Judge: Inspector Hammer, how do you plead?
Hammer: Plead? I don't plead. Usually, I don't even ask.
Hammer: Your Honor, may I say that is a particularly becoming shade of black?
Judge: Inspector Hammer, this court will not be subject to flattery.
Hammer: How about cash?
****
From the episode where Hammer's gun is stolen:
Hammer: Oh great, this will stop a charging hamster at 40 paces...
my fav line didnt get posted yet...hammers boss has a bullet in him and the dr hasnt arrived ,,you see hammer pick up a surgical instrument and say " trust me, i know what im doing" which causes hammers boss to come out in a hurry in a wheelchair rolling for his life
shareYeah, that, when the judge asks him how does he plead, is one of my favorites too.
Only I remember him replying more aggressively like:
"Hey, I never plead! (and in lower tone)Usually, I don't even ask..."
But, people, I need some help here. My Sledge DVDs are with a friend at the moment and there's another great quote I can't remember exactly - probably because I'm not English native and I'm a... *little bad at it. It goes like this:
"The last guy that pointed fingers at me ended limping on the yellow pages".
It's specially funny to me because once I actually broke a guy's finger for that same reason. No *beep* lol
Oh, and I almost forgot: when the vigilante squad asks Sledge if he has any reservations on killing a woman and he says: "Do you have to make a reservation? Can't you just go and *bang*?"
Maybe that's my favorite. XD
I love the one with the new feminist type DA.
She's always wanting to be called "Ms" instead of "Miss" and when she calls Hammer "Mister" at one point he says "That's Murrrr".
"Hey boss! Hitler's widow is out there..."
------
Wait a minute... who am I here?
Just saw the one with Sledge's brother for the first time last night and the one that's been mentioned already was the "hold you in contempt" line.
I did love his resposne to the judge letting his brother off with the charges though.
"I've seen better decisions made my ouija boards" :D
Hahaha, yes that one is epic :)
_____________________
Any last words ?
Shut the *beep* up
-Mutant Chronicles-
Man, I also still (kinda) remember some Hammer lines though it was 20 years ago I saw the series. But I can’t remember one of my favorites, someone help me out. A journalist interviews some hardcore judge and asks him questions about the death penalty, saying something like “where do you stand on the electric chair?” to which he replies “NEXT TO THE SWITCH!” Anyone recall the correct lines?
shareYou got it.
Interviewer: You've got quite a reputation as a hardliner. You've even been referred to as the hanging judge. When did you get that name?
Judge Liam Jackson: At my baptism.
Interviewer: We know how you feel about the death penalty. Where do you stand on the eletric chair?
Judge Liam Jackson: Right next to the switch.
Billy Wilder Page, Play the Movie Smiley Game
www.screenwritingdialogue.com
Sledge (experiencing dizziness while chasing a suspect down a spiral staircase): My vision's as bad as the people who colorize black-and-white movies!
Sledge (who has been cold-cocked by guest star Adam Ant, portraying a terrorist posing as a counter-terrorism export): He sucker-punched me!
Dori: No he didn't!
Adam Ant: No, he's right. I did punch a sucker.
In the episode where the bad guys stole Hammer's gun, his therapist is showing him those ink blot pictures and asking Hammer what he sees in the images...
Hammer's responses are typically violent. In one picture he sees, a duck (I think) and a naked woman.
His therapist replies, "Funny, I never noticed the duck."
Signature? I don't need no stinkin' signature.
From the episode Magnum Farce:
DA Evelyn Collins: My father killed that deer.
Sledge Hammer: Was he a hunter?
DA Collins: No, a bad driver.
From the same episode:
Captain Trunk: Nobody move. I am prepared to shoot everybody in this room . . . except Doreau.
Dori: Well, Sledge, this is it. Do you believe in life after death?
Sledge (incredulous): I don't even believe in life!
~Rebel
www.billionairebrothers.com
Dori...
"I can't believe this it's 9 am and already we've had an armored car hold-up, a police shootout and a car crash!"
Sledge...
"Yeah it's always slow just after Christmas."
__________
Kruegal...
"I have rights!"
Sledge...
"Listen creep, i'm inspector Sledge Hammer and I don't give a damn about the rights of criminals!"
__________
Kruegal...
"Just what did I do wrong!?"
Sledge...
"You were born, scumsucker!"
__________
Sledge and Dori sitting in a coffee shop when a shootout erupts outside and Sledge gets up and begins to walkout still hoding his coffee cup...
Waitress...
"Oh my god!!"
Sledge...
"Relax you'll get your cup back."
___________
Sledge asking distraught parents to describe their new born baby after he's kidnapped...
Sledge...
"Any distinguishing scars or tattoos?"
"Did your baby have any enemies?"
___________
Sledge on the news being interviewd outside a grocery store after shooting two would-be robbers...
News anchor...
"Inspector Hammer, can you tell us what happened inside the store?"
Sledge (still holding his bag of stuff)...
"Yes well I was in this store and two scumsuckers entered and threatened the owner with shotguns, at which time I drew my magnum and killed em' both, then I bought some eggs, milk and some of those little cocktail weenies."
Anchor...
"Inspector Hammer was what you did in the store absolutely necessary?"
Sledge...
"Oh yes I had no groceries at all."
And anything uttered by captain Trunk, that poor man always looked as if he were on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown because of Hammer lol.
Doreau: Huh. Interesting, Hammer. He, like you, was a mysoginist.
Hammer: Listen, Doreau! Just because I gave a guy a back-rub once
does not make me a mysoginist!
---------------
Hammer: (on the phone) I'm in a Manynote community.
Doreau: Don't you mean Menonite?
--------------
Japanese Elvis Villain: I can perform Elvis more efficiently than they can!
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Hammer: I've only got one bullet left. Can we get them to stand in single file?
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VHS 'Home Target Practice' Rental Tape: Shoot me. Shoot me. Shoot me.
(Hammer shoots the television)
Hammer: (to his gun) Remind me not to get that one again. Too expensive!
[deleted]
I am smiling because I am trigger happy - Pilot episode
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I would like to address that particular stereotype if I may. Now, your stereotypical donut is nothing but dough and sugar fried in fat, am I right? Now that fat gums up your arteries and goes to your brain, and you turn liberal. And the next thing you know, Barry Manilow is on the turn-table and you're not going to work and you're voting for gun control. You see what I'm saying? You see the connection? That's why I eat granola.
lol classic, ya the liberals suck lol.
I KNOW 2 things that are clear.I'm a great sinner,Christ is a great Savior.
It's been over 20 years since I've seen it, but I remember a shootout scene where Sledge gets shot in the shoulder fairly graphically for the time (no blood, but a large 'wound' in his clothes)and after he dispatches the bad guy Dori walks up to him and gestures at the bullet hole:
Dori: Doesn't that hurt?
Sledge: It always hurts when you lose a good sport jacket, Doreau.
Forgive me for the length of this post. There's just too many great moments. The writing was so great. My personal favorites are "Go! Bomb! Go!", the Suzy Shallow quotes & the two sight gags listed at the end:
(two from "Jagged Sledge"):
Reporter Suzy Shallow: "Inspector Hammer, any predictions about the future?"
Hammer: "Yes. Scientists will perform the first brain transplant & you'll be the recipient"
Suzy Shallow: "Do you think...."
Hammer: "Hey! I never think. That's what makes me a good cop."
(from "Haven't Gun, Will Travel", after his gun is stolen & retrieved):
Bartender (referring to Doreau): "Hey pal, you look a whole lot better since you got her back"
Hammer (referring to gun): "Yeah. (pulls gun) Now I'm gonna take her out & shoot her!"
(two from "Witless):
Hammer (waking up, turning his head): "I dreamt about you last night" (camera scans to his gun on the other pillow)
Dori: "I don't believe it! How did you get here?"
Hammer: "That's a stupid question, Doreau. How did I get here?"
Dori: "Will you just tell me?"
Hammer: "Well it's basic biology, my mother & father were in love & then one night, they got together..."
(two from "Under The Gun"):
Hammer: "Oh, you light a cigarette in front of me sir, you know what you get?" (reaching into jacket)
Trunk & Chief, diving for cover: "WHOA, NOOOOO!!!"
Hammer: "A stick of gum."
Mayor Flambo: "I don't care what methods you use, Hammer, just bring back my daughter."
Hammer: "I will sir, dead or alive"
(from "The Spa Who Loved Me"):
Trunk (confronting terrorist): "Alright! Your show's been cancelled!"
Hammer: "You talking to me?"
(two from: "Desperately Seeking Dori"):
Hammer: "Doreau, that was excessively violent and completely unnecessary. I loved it!
Dori: "Captain!... Trust me!... I didn't know what I was doing!"
(from "A Clockwork Hammer"):
Trunk: "Hammer, I'm amazed that you were able to hold out against their brainwashing."
Hammer: "Well, it was easy, sir. I simply thought about one thing."
Trunk: "What was that?"
Hammer: "Well, who's always close to my side? Someone I'm afraid I've been neglecting lately. Someone for whom I've never been able to express my true feelings. Someone who's beautiful. Sleek. Attractive. I think it's obvious who I'm talking about, sir."
Dori (blushing): "Oh, Sledge, stop!"
Hammer: [Pulls out gun] "My gun."
Trunk: "Hammer, you are a truly sensitive guy."
Hammer: "Thank you sir, I never thought you'd notice."
Trunk: "Ohhhh, my head"
Hammer: "Captain, I've been thinking about how you keep getting those headaches & I have a solution (whips out GIANT needles) Acupuncture!"
Hammer: "Real men don't need women."
Trunk: "Hammer, without women, YOU would never have been born!"
Hammer: "Prove it."
Dori: "Imagine what it's like being a Coroner, knowing that the first thing to greet you each morning is a dead body."
Hammer: "Of course I can imagine, Doreau. I was married for 5 years."
Not quotes, but two of the funniest sight gags
1) (from "They Call Me Mr. Trunk"): Hammer hallucinates & his gun is talking to HIM!!
2) (from "Jagged Sledge"): A guy in the jury box switches seats to sit next to a hot chick. The next time they're shown, they're making out. The next time, their legs are in the air & the last time, they're leaning against each other smoking cigarettes. All the while, nobody else in the courtroom notices them.
Roy Biggins: "I was so good I screamed out my OWN name!"
My favorite lines were always "Trust me I know what I am doing!" That is so hilarious to watch!
Then in the pilot episode when Trunk has a headache and Hammer offers to make him feel better by turning his neck really quick! Then he does this a few more times during the series. I just loved it!
Dedicated to USA UP ALL NIGHT and the fans of the show! www.deefilmroll.com/usa-uan/
one of the best laughs I ever had:
from the episode 'Suppose They Gave a War & Sledge Came':
(dori and hammer have a suspect to interrogate, but first they must go up 28 floors by stairs)
you see the 28th floor stairs door and hear HAMMER say:
- come on dori, don't quit now.
- come on dori, we are almost there.
- be strong! forguet you are a woman.
- mind of matter!
(dori slams the door, showing herself carring sledge on her back)
Hammer continues:
- we're almost there; you can do it.
- come on, dearly. come on!
(she throws him on the grond)
Yeah that was a great scene to watch and I did crack up with it myself.
Dedicated to USA UP ALL NIGHT and the fans of the show! www.deefilmroll.com/usa-uan/
Best one ever, sorry I don't know which episode:
Hammer is supposedly dead, but actually working the case. Dori doesn't know that it's a ploy and is distraught over Hammer's death. At the end, when she finds out, she asks why no-one told her that Hammer was still alive.
Hammer: You're a woman. You have a phone.
Yeah that is a good line. I am going to have to buy this for me to have to watch anytime I want to. That is how good this show was when I watched it.
Dedicated to USA UP ALL NIGHT and the fans of the show! www.deefilmroll.com/usa-uan/
I believe the episode is "Over My Dead Bodyguard" and it's actually Captain Trunk who was supposedly killed. After a brief "service" at the precinct, Hammer breaks the news to her that Capt Trunk is actually in hospital recovering - leading to the exchange above.
shareThe part where Sledge stops by the morgue and before he’s able to say anything the coroner says, “Oh hi sledge. We’ve had lots of sports jackets and slacks come in but nothing in you size.”
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