This show was loaded with great dialogue. Let's name some of the best lines.
--From "They Shoot Hammers, Don't They?":
Sledge:
"Let me be a bus stop."
Sledge again:
"Ow! You're supposed to shoot me, not my gun!"
A second later: "Stop shooting my gun!"
"You're not right in the head/
and nor am I/ and this is why/
This is why I like you"
One of my favorite episodes was where he was invited to join a secret task force. Blindfolded, he says they are probably all naked right now and that his senses are heightened, thinking a 6' black man is a 35 year old white woman. As for his questions,
Cop: How do you feel about reading a suspect his rights?
Sledge: I prefer to read Last Rites, if ya know what I mean.
Cop 2: How about the death penalty?
Sledge: It's TOO lenient; there's always the possibility of reincarnation. Come on guys, when's the lightning round?
Another is where the mayor and the police commissioner view a news tape of him.
Reporter: We're here at the scene of liquor store robbery that was thwarted by the man beside me, Inspector Sledge Hammer. Now, tell me what happened here.
Sledge: Well, two men showed up with shotguns, attempting to rob this liquor store. I drew out my Magnum and killed them both. Then I bought some milk, eggs, and some of those little... cocktail weenies.
Reporter: Was what you did in the store completely necessary?
Sledge: Oh yes, I had no groceries that day.
"A blindfold huh? You know I haven't worn one of these since I dated a girl that was into Weight Watchers"
Just wrong : )
-=1000 travel books are not equal to 1 real trip=-
Big Nazi on Campus:
Hammer: Allright Overman, your under arrest for murder.
Overman: What? Who'd I kill ?
Hammer: Janet Parker.
Overman: ... Janet is dead ?
Hammer: Well if you killed her, of course shes dead.
Trunk: Just tell me the status of the coed murder case.
Hammer: Well... the victim, of course ... is still dead.
Wild about Hammer:
Hammer: I dont know about you but im stuffed. What do you say we take a look at those videos i rented.
*looks at videos*
Hammer: On golden gun, Peggy Sue got murdered ... hah, The way we wounded, Home video target range ... what will they think of next ?
TV: Shoot me. Shoot me. Shoot me. Shoot me.
*BLAM*
OMG friggin hilarious.
And lots more of course, not gonna write the entire text down.
_____________________
Any last words ?
Shut the *beep* up
-Mutant Chronicles-
I love it when Dori and Sledge are talking about the failure of his marrige.
Dori: "I guess some women can't take being married to a cop."
Sledge:"I don't know, I guess some women can't take being married to a cop."
David's delivery of the line is perfect, just the right side of seriousness and comedy.
Jesus died for our sins. As he's already dead...sin away.
Trunk: I CAN'T STAND STEREO HAMMERS.
shareMy favorite, which I am surprised no one else posted, went something like this:
Hammer: Guns don't kill people, Doreau.
Dori: I know, people kill people.
Hammer: No, actually, it's the bullets.
Plus the scene when They discover a bomb in Capt. Trunk's office and Hammer is swinging a chair at the window so they can throw the bomb out
Trunk: Come on Hammer, break the window! Break the window, Hammer!
(Doreau puts out the fuse on the bomb)
Trunk: Don't break the window, Hammer! Don't break the window, Hammer!
(Hammer finally breaks the window)
Trunk: HAMMER!!!!!
You know i never heard of a drunken driver who drowned of a drink and never drank.
(rambled off in a second flat)
Ok, who would want to murder my neighbour?
Who uses poison to kill someone?
...
Kings and woman
...
What king would wanna poison my neighbour ??
_____________________
Any last words ?
Shut the *beep* up
-Mutant Chronicles-
"I'm a man. I can do anything (a woman) can do...except conceive."
Prostitute #1: I hope there's no men in heaven.
Prostitute #2: No chance. They're all in hell.
Prostitute #1: Oh, thank God.
Prostitute #2: There's just one problem: I don't think we're going to heaven.
Trunk:Is that a silencer?
Sledge Hammer: No, it's not a silencer. This little doodad is my own invention. I call it a loudener.
From 'Desperately Seeking Dori', FBI guy hands Hammer the one sided bill.
FBI guy: "So far he's only been able to pulling these off on unintelligent people"
Sledge: "I guess that's how you got a hold of it"
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From Icebreaker.
Sledge: " A dead body! Now there's something I could sink my teeth into."
Dori, acting like Sledge: Looks like you're doing a lot of business, weasel!
Proprietor of check cashing business: We're running a special, one week only. You give us a dollar, we give you a buck and a half.
Sledge: How can you afford that?
Proprietor: We make it up in volume.
Dori (pulls a gun): Yeah, can you break a .45?
Sledge: That's a good line, Doreau, I'm going to remember that!