This show was loaded with great dialogue. Let's name some of the best lines.
--From "They Shoot Hammers, Don't They?":
Sledge:
"Let me be a bus stop."
Sledge again:
"Ow! You're supposed to shoot me, not my gun!"
A second later: "Stop shooting my gun!"
"You're not right in the head/
and nor am I/ and this is why/
This is why I like you"
talking to his gun :"Ok it looks like you and me are the only sane ones left here"
"These Pretzles Are Making Me Thirsty"
- "Michael Richards - Seinfeld"
Protect, serve, and cuddle.
share'Gory details at 11.' (newsreader on Sledge, Rattle 'n Roll)
And the luggage gag - 'It always gets there after you do.'
Watching it right now.
This is one of the better ones!
Sledge after exploding a building with a LAWS rocket:
"I think I got him!"
*Sledge refuting an accusation*
For the first time in my life, I'm innocent.
Trunk: There's been an automobile accident.
Hammer: Automobile accident? Call the auto club.
Trunk: A car fell off the pier into the west river, Hammer!
Hammer: Well then call the auto club and Flipper!!
LOL
Dori: Ever play Trivial Pursuit? That takes brains!
Hammer: Look, I'm in pursuit of one thing, and that's justice. And that takes bullets.
[deleted]
That's a good one. Here's the complete text.
Trunk: Hammer, there's been an automobile accident. I want you and Doreau to investigate.
Hammer: An automobile accident? Well, call the auto club.
Trunk: An unlicensed vehicle went off the pier into the West River, Hammer.
Hammer: Well, then call the auto club and Flipper!
Trunk: There is a dead body in the vehicle, Hammer.
Hammer: Why do you always save the best for last?
The dead guy is Mel Jordan, the gameshow contestant who was stopped from appearing for the million dollar round.
Hammer: [skeptical that Jordan was drunk in celebration] He was as calm as a Perry Como groupie.
After visiting the widow:
Hammer: You know I never heard of a drunken driver who drowned in a drink and never drank.
Doreau: Hard to believe.
Hammer: It's also hard to say.
Billy Wilder Page, Play the Movie Smiley Game
www.screenwritingdialogue.com
Not so much a favorit line, but Hammer doing target practice in his apartment!!!
I must've blown so much soda thru my nose, and.... never laughed as hard!
Anyone see the one with the russian on the train? Where theyre handcuffed and sledge eats his food off his fork...oh man so funny.
shareYes and then he complained at everyone else making a noise because he could not hear the phone!
share"I want this Hammer---for the rest of his life---to be DEAD!"
-Witless
"Is that a silencer Hammer?"
"This is my own invention---I call this little doo-dad a LOUDENER."
-They Shoot Hammer's Don't They? (I think)
captain trunk was in a room with sledge and doreau plus a bunch of bad guys. he said "i am authorized to shoot everyone here except for doreau". too funny
trivianerd
Sledge: Ok Doreau, lets set our weapons to "Stun".
Doreau: Guns dont have stun settings Sledge...
Sledge: Thats thier problem!
Trunk: HAMMER!!!!! You just couldn;t resist, could you Hammer. You just couldn't resist BLOWING UP A BUILDING ON YOUR WAY TO WORK this morning could you, HAMMER!
Sledge: You have to be wilder than they are (does an immitation of a missle hitting a target)
Trunk: You sadistic, depraved, bloodthirsty, Barbaric..
Sledge: Is that why you called me in here? To shower me with compliments?
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"This is where the fish live!"-The touch of Satan
After a couple's baby is kidnapped and Sledge is taking their statement...
"Did your baby have any enemies?"
"Any distinguishing scars or tattoos?"
In that same episode when Sledge gets the news that he'll be working that case...
"Hey no, no way, I'm a homicide detective, I deal in scumsuckers not thumbsuckers!"
In the pilot...
Krugal:
"What did I do wrong!?"
Sledge:
"You were born, Scumsucker!"
In the episode where Dori and Sledge are discussing game shows...
Dori:
"What about Trivial Pursuit? That takes brains and intelligence."
Sledge:
"Doreau, I'm only interested in pursuing one thing and that's justice...and that takes bullets."
"What are you some kind of half-assed astronaut?" - 'Quint' in JAWS
Listen, if you don't leave I'm gonna press you because I am getting very ANTI... SOCIAL... WORKER.
------
Wait a minute... who am I here?
Love that one lol.
After Captain Trunk is attacked by a punk with a weed whacker...
Sledge:
"Well it was dark down there maybe he thought you were a rose bush."
When a gunfight breaks out outside of a coffee shop where Sledge and Doreau are having coffee, Sledge, coffee in hand gets up to go outside...
Waitress:
"Oh my God!!"
Sledge:
"Relax you'll get your cup back."
In an episode where Sledge shows up to work happier than usual...
Captain Trunk:
"Are you okay, Hammer? Have you been whiffing gun powder again?"
"What are you some kind of half-assed astronaut?" - 'Quint' in JAWS
I can't forget the time he was under cover as Crocodile Bruce (complete with Austrailian accent) and said...
"How 'bout I throw your head on the barby"
that was hilarious, but i thought i just couldn't stop laughing when he first rode in on the horse doing all the flips and stuff!
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Sledge Hammer: Now where am I on this lineup?
Dori: You're following a guy from Dallas and preceeding somebody from Miami.
Sledge Hammer: Between Dallas and Miami? What terrible place to be.
[in reference to the show's no-win timeslot opposite both 'Dallas' & 'Miami Vice']
Sledge Hammer: That's what I like about you Doreau, you think like a man.
Captain Trunk: Hammer, what happened? Didn't they try to brainwash you?
Sledge Hammer: That's right, captain, they did. They tried to play on my subconscious. But they forgot one important thing.
Captain Trunk: What's that?
Sledge Hammer: I don't have a subconscious.
Sledge Hammer: Now you've gone and done it. You just broke a family heirloom. That lamp had great sentimental value. It accidentally electrocuted my grandfather.
Sledge Hammer: You know, of all my years of being a cop, I will never figure out how people time and time again can do something like this.
Dori: It's true. Taking out a human life is just deplorable.
Sledge Hammer: Not that. The drawings of chalk outlines of dead bodies, that's just a ridiculous way of making a living.
Sledge Hammer: You know what I'm going to do to you? I'm going to stick your head in that microwave and set it on "sandwich."
Dori: Hammer, you can't do that!
Sledge Hammer: What? There's no setting for sandwich?
Dori: The terrorist has demanded a million dollars, a private jet and an end to the Star Wars program.
Sledge Hammer: Yeah, three movies was enough.
Imagine there's no heaven.
It's easy if you try.
God is an imaginary friend for adults.
"You Yogart Sucking Mutant!"
"You Egg Sucking Leech!"
When sledge said he saw a comedy; "...The Deer Hunter"...
After Dori beats up a bad guy (karate style) Hammer says; "...I would like to fight you sometime"
Dori remarks on Hammer's offensive statement about women at home being barefoot and pregnant and he responds with; "...No, I think they should wear shoes!"
Dori: You Can't solve everything with a gun
Sledge: I know. But my bazooka is in the trunk.
Sledge: Every step you take. Every move you make. I'll be watching you. That's police talk.
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Sledge (when he meets his long-lost brother): He doesn't look anything like me!
Captain Trunk: Oh yes, there's a resemblance. Only he is infintitely better looking than you are.
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Sledge (after Captain Trunk gives him an antidote to cure his illness): Captain, is there anything I can do for you in return?
Captain Trunk: Yes. Don't take it ("it" being the antidote).
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Newsreporter: Do you believe that Inspector Sledge Hammer is guilty of all the crimes charged against him?
Man With Briefcase (walking away): Yes, I do!!!
Captain Trunk: Who was that man?
Doreau: Hammer's attorney!
The one I never forget is when the police station is surrounded by satanists (ala Assault on Precinct) and they get their hands on the chief. As they're about to rip him apart - with five guys on each limb - the lead satanist shouts: 'Make a wish!'
Favourite scenes: drawing the map on the sailor's back in the tatoo parlour, and jump-starting their car off someones electric wheelchair.
"I deal with Scumsuckers, not Thumbsuckers" from If I Had A Little Hammer
I bought seasons 1 & 2 and it was as brilliant as I remembered it to be, I originally saw SledgeHammer on ITV in the early 90's when I was still at school.
Chicken?? In a basket?? DCI Gene Hunt - Life on Mars
I haven't seen the program in many years but I do sort of recall a line I like a lot. I think a porter had asked him for a tip so Sledge gave him one: "Don't swim in shark infested waters." Not the kind of tip the porter was expecting but a good one anyway.
I want to be the kind of person my cat thinks I am.
One word... "HAMMMMMMMER!"
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