Everybody should stop saying these things:

You wanna tell us WHY we should stop saying those things? You’ve made a blanket statement, not an argument. I know what’s wrong with them, your readers may not. Prithee, enlighten them.

“Do you want a spanking?” Is there a kid out there who would answer “Yes!”?

Now if it involves sadomasochism, the answer would most likely be a resounding “YES! Please YES!”

"The fact of the matter is..."

"Literally". Another overused and often misused word.

"Iranian"

totally

"That's such a cope!"

First off, EVERYBODY copes with some sort of situation so it's not a bad thing to COPE with a problem. When you acknowledge a difficult situation and take responsibility for responding to it in order to mitigate the struggle and alleviate your distress is what COPING means. The correct term when telling someone that they're giving up and disengaging in alleviating a problem it is called "copping out" or a "cop out".

"i could care less" is misleading because you wouldn't be saying sh*t if you really did not care