I have a friend that says when a man wants you he will do all the pursuing...even if he is shy. Is there any truth to that?
sharethis is a good example of availability bias, kinda like the file drawer problem in research. the shy guys who won't pursue anyone are in their apartment watching trashy movies or whatever.
some of them might pursue a girl, so that may lead you to think that a shy guy will do it. lots won't. you just won't know that they won't.
And there’s where the frustration lies...not knowing if it’s rejection or paralyzing shyness.
shareThere’s no need to chase a woman anymore
There are tons of dating ads for ‘single sexy black ladies, horny milfs, hot latinas in your area…’
The internet never lies!
Why would any guy be shy anymore?
Just give the site your credit card information and you’ll be tripping over hot babes in no time, what could go wrong🙃
YOU'RE FEISTY LATELY...IT'S FAIRLY AWESOME.
shareI once had this woman go to all the trouble of creating a TV ad to get me to call her. Seriously, she was there in her lingerie looking right at me "Call me, call me now" she kept saying.
I never did, she seemed desperate and it spooked me.
You made the right call👍
shareThat’s wild and flattering and kinda scary
shareThere’s no need to chase a woman anymore
By ‘chase’ I meant woo as opposed to stalk lol
shareYou mean the old fashioned notions of romance where the man chases the woman and she keeps turning him down, testing his resolve until he asks just the right amount of times before giving in?
Yeah that is stalking now and you will get arrested.
I used to get messages telling me Russian women (who apparently all look like supermodels) were DESPERATE to meet me! All they wanted was the airfare for them and their poor, ailing mothers, which they'd pay me back once they got here!
shareIt takes a woman who really stands out to me that makes me want to try and say something to her that I might be interested and it doesn't happen often. When I face rejection it just hurts more I don't try and go about my life. That why I have been single for pretty much my whole adult life and I'm now 40.
shareBut are you happy living single, and letting the fear of rejection win? If so, read no further.
I heard the story of a math major who actually sat down and did the math re his sex lives. He wrote down his history, and realized that he got (not the actual number) one acceptance for every 50 times he asked a woman out. So he concluded that all he had to do to get a date was ask fifty women, or whatever the real number was! From then on, he had a series of surprisingly attractive girlfriends, because he did the math. Well, and because he learned to accept that rejection was a normal and acceptable part of the dating process, and every rejection was just one more step towards the coming acceptance.
Most guys know this, no writing and no math involved…
Cool story though
Im still a virgin at 40 years old due to anxiety and emotional abuse from previous dating experiences. The problem i Have is that women have total autonomy over dating and sex yet still claim they are the oppressed class. I have a hard time participating in a system that is rigged against me and every time you get rejected everyone says "shut up and take it" because that's what a man does.
sharePersonally I think it’s admirable to still be a virgin these days. The only reason I don’t regret having sex is because I am a mother now. I can empathize with you because of the amount of unrequited love/ rejection I’ve faced over the years from really cold-hearted people. Because of that, I’ve been celibate for years and just trying now to become friends with a man I’m interested in. It’s scary because after being alone for so long...how do you accept someone else returning your affections? That’s scary to me now. I don’t want to sabotage it. You can get to a point where you’re so used to rejection that you end up anticipating it and unintentionally pushing the other person away. What would it be like if you actually got your wish?
shareYes I push people away as I expect rejection. I've had women come up to me at bars and I blow them off because I think they are full of shit. When I have mentioned emotional abuse that's women who have said to me being inexperienced means you aren’t man enough for sex. To that I have gone down the rabbit hole with depression and very real social anxiety issues.
shareThat is certainly understandable. I’m a woman and I’m surprised by how women treat men these days. One lady (who is NOT my friend) told me (in response to my shock at how cold she is to men), “Well, you haven’t been hurt enough.” Um, yes I have but it’s a choice you make on how you’re going to treat people! What are you doing to heal your emotional abuse?
shareI have been in therapy for the last several years but I’m currently not seeing a therapist. I may go back to one at some point. I’m at peace with my past as I know we all have different stories. I have been in several singles groups on facebook so I guess you could say that’s exposure therapy.
shareI’ve interacted in those singles groups with women I like but if I show interest in someone I second guess my every move in how I come across. I’m afraid I’ll look like a creeper.
shareI’m so happy you are now at peace with your past. I hope we both find people who truly care!
share"The problem i Have is that women have total autonomy over dating and sex yet still claim they are the oppressed class."
Do you realize you're angry that women aren't more oppressed? Angry that they have the right to refuse you? You are.
Having to face rejection doesn't make you a member of an oppressed class, everybody has the right to reject everyone else, for any reason and with no more justification that they feel like giving, so everyone is really on an equal footing. Rejection is equal, if you were immune from rejection then you'd be massively privileged, and nobody else wants you to be more privileged than they are.
Don't reply to me, discuss this with a therapist. You need more help than the internet can give.
Women have all the control over Male sexuality. That's not being oppressed, that's how they wield their power.
shareWah wah boo hoo! He has to get someone's consent before he can have sex! This is oppression! It's an outrage!
But if you truly believe that people shouldn't be allowed to refuse sex or have the right of consent, because that's oppressing men's sexuality, put on a pair of assless chaps and haul down to the nearest leather bar... and tell everyone there about your beliefs.
I'm terrible at picking up cues. I will realize the woman was giving me the "ask me out" face when I am a walking away! This happens even when I initiate conversation lol. I am just really unassuming.
I have some great stories about my "near misses" lol.
So now that you’ve seen the “ask me out” face a number of times, are you willing to take that chance?
shareI'm still slow on the uptake! I figure it's 2022 and if women still can't approach men or be more direct than that just gives me more time for the important things in life, like playing guitar.
shareUNDATEABLE!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBH7CMrmmgI
"It's a leper colony down there!"
Hilarious! Jerry was stone cold, lol
shareI kick myself in the ass today because of my complete lack of assertion as a young man, I could have been a whole lot more, erm, active. I remember receiving innumerable signals from attractive young women, who apparently would have liked me to be assertive, but I was frozen into inaction, scared to death of rejection. There's a reason why folks are called shy. It's because they're shy.
share