John Wick 3-Parabellum Activity-REVIEW
SPOILERS FOR THIS FUCKING FILM
-the 3rd and final jon wick film
-before the 4th gets released next year
-and this time we have hail berry in it
-who plays a super amazing assassin who can take on
-dozens of highly trained fully grown men
-despite only weighing 100lbs
-and shes like as good as jon wick
-and we get to see her fight for like 20 minutes
-and all im thinking is;
-"can we get back to jon wick pls
-since the film is called jon wick the 3rd
-not hail berry pretends she can fight"
-her scenes look like
-she spent 2 years choreographing how to fight
-which is all well and good
-but she could have done a press up at some point
-and can we stop this 95lb little girl beats up fully grown men pls
-its not fooling anyone hollywood
-weight classes exist for a reason
-so does the patriarchy
-so anyway this film i was really looking forward to
-since the 1st two were great action films with solid music
-this one is a tad disappointing
-the main bad guy is some weeb with a sword
-and he tries to be all funny like
-"omg jon im a big fan"
-before fighting him and all
-and its not funny
-or cool
-just lame
-theres some cool doggos in it though
-and some short haired bitch who majorly autistic
-i quite like her
-her name is the alligator
-and she walks about telling people they're gonna die
-and everyone's like oh ok thx darling u can go now
-and im like can someone shoot this bitch
-and at one point in the film
-john wick is in the desert and hail berry has some water
-and jon need the water
-so she puts it in her mouth and instead of swallowing she then spits it out
-ironically how she first got into hollywood
-and she does this for no reason
-other than to be a complete cunt to john wick
-and wick just calmly takes it like a man
-instead of kicking her in the face
-which is what she deserved
-so jon wick meets the leader of the assassins
-and its just some boring arab
-not that theres anything wrong with that
-he is boring and utterly underwhelming though
-anyway so the film starts with jon on the run from the entire world
-and ends with him still on the run from the entire world
-so save up for the next film you fucking plebs
-we're milking this franchise for all its worth
-instead of having a satisfying conclusion
-to a breath of fresh air in the action film genre
-and it literally took me to the final scene
-to realise that morpheas and neo were in the same film
-and bronn from game of titties is in it
-doing the worst italian accent ive ever heard
-hes all like "si senor i am an italiano you cunt and this is a high class bureau de change"
7/10