John leaving Alice and Lydia moving back home

He took the job in Minnesota, Lydia moved back to look after Alice while he was away. I'm guessing he'd be home with her on the weekends but to be honest I think it just hurt him too much to see Alice like that everyday. Lydia knew how to take care of her.

In the book, John takes the job in NYC. I too think he was a "sh*t" to take a job when he could have gone on sabbatical and stayed with his wife. Their days together (as they knew them) were numbered. His career could have gone on hold for a year or two. The children where actually much more sympathetic towards their Mother than her husband. "Not being able to see her like that" is a cope out. Putting your head in the sand and disappearing from reality is selfish. And you are right - if the situation had been reversed, it would have been expected that the wife put her career on hold and stay with her husband.
The saddest part of this story was Alice's private stash of sleeping pills to be taken when she became worse. I often wonder about people with terminal conditions and how long they would wait before taking pills. I guess survival is still the strongest instinct - whether you consciously remember it or not.
Kudos to Julianne Moore for taking on this role. She one of our best actors in the industry.

In the book, the Howlands lived in Boston and the new job was in New York City. Alice's children didn't want her to move because it was the last year they would have with her while she was "still Alice." John felt that he couldn't turn the job down as it was the opportunity of a lifetime. Of course it was a permanent job. There was a lot of dialogue about it in the book and almost none in the movie. I doubt if you missed anything.

So yes, he took the job and the children were stuck taking care of their crazy mother. He should have divorced her and put her in a nursing home so he could remarry.

I could have sworn they showed John and Alice moving into a smaller row-house (right after they had both gone to get frozen yogurt) as if they had BOTH moved to MN together. You can also see the differing view from their (smaller) living room window as Lydia reads the play to Alice

People born in USA are indeed really wealthy.

They are able to stay not working for a whole year, and keep their job when they come back.

I can't see anybody here except milionaires that can do that. We won't be able to pay bills next month. And we are yelled at just by saying we won't be able to go to work next day, many people are forced to keep working even having some illness. Imagine if we'd say we wanna take "a break" for *a year*.

Coming to think about it, this movie handles Alzimer in a very mature way.

It doesn't just show the desease and how it affects the deseased. It shows how it affects the whole family. And the portraited family is kinda real, like the fights between mother and dauther and how it remained even after discoverying the desease.

Also, if we pay attention to many details in the movie, we see that they constantly wanna show the message that the desease is painful (struggling), but deseased ones can still retain part of their lives and not suffer from it. Alice is shown smiling and happy, even on the last scene when she's barely able to understand simple phrases and say a few words. I feel author and director wanted to tell us that with willpower and friends/family it is possible to live the desease and remain active and happy.

Well, but what about the husband? Should he "prove his love" and throw away his job to live most time at her side? Well that's a choise that people in his position, and not us, must do. No matter how much he could love her, she'd gonna die, and he'd not. And even though she clearly asked him to stay with her, she also didn't suffer when he wasn't there. He also wasn't in the position of fleeing and avoiding her, he seemed to like his job and would need to keep working after she died. After that, he'll still have his life, probably marry again and move on.

And in the end her dauther made the job sacrifice and came to take care of her. He didn't leave her alone with some nursery.

I think the message here is that our "spouse" dies we must not die too, we must live on, no matter how painful or immoral it may look to others. And that when people get old and sick, it's their children that must care for them, not their "spouse".

In the book, it was made clear that John and Alice had recently taken a joint sabbatical to write books. Their sabbatical was so recent, they had to wait a few years to take another one. Also through out the book Alice had an inner dialogue about personal responsibilities verses professional success.

Alice happily stayed home to take care each of her three children. She sacrificed working a few years for each child. And her inner dialogue knew it was the right thing to do for the children, but it hurt her professional. She knew her husbands career did not suffer, because he did not stay home. That was one of the reasons Alice wanted Lydia to get an education, because she assumed Lydia would marry and have children. She assumed Lydia would take time off to nurture her children and that would impact her career. That is why Alice wanted Lydia to get an education, while she was young and unencumbered.

Alice was also worried about her pregnant daughter and her career.

So in a sense John was right. The family was very clear. Alice had made career sacrifices. And it did concern her.

Plus Alice was just fifty. She could live decades and would need expensive medical care. Alice visited that facility and the cost was expensive. Until she reached that point, during the week Lydia and a helper took care of Alice. And on weekends John came home.

I wanted to hate John for leaving Alice to take the job but now that I think about it, where would the money come from for her care? Not Lydia. Not the other sister because she just had babies. John was her main source of income, unless she received some from her previous job like a 401k. I get that he didn't want to see her decline and wanted to take the amazing offer with great benefits I think he said, but it just felt wrong.

I think subconsciously it reminded me of a time when I was in the hospital from a nervous breakdown and my boyfriend broke up with me because of the stress my delusional thinking caused him. He was an *beep* and not at all like John.