100 things I learned from Blackhat
[EDIT: Turns out there IS actually another list which I must have overlooked. This one is more comprehensive, though ... :-)]
Just coming back from the cinema after watching this wonderful piece of art - yes, this marvel is a true gem - I was a bit surprised that no one seems to have started a "100 things I learned from Blackhat" list yet.
Okay, off we go:
1. Hackers are very muscular and not afraid to take on three triad squad members at the same time because
2. they are also martial arts experts, and actually
3. they are one-man armies.
4. Hackers who aren't a one-man army hire real armies.
5. Routers save a memory dump on their hard drives before they die because of a nuclear meltdown.
6. Oh, routers actually *have* hard drives.
7. Maybe that only applies to "edge routers" as found in nuclear power plants.
8. If you "have an onion router", your Internet connection will work without an IP address.
9. NSA agents are stupid.
10. Bad guys smart enough to bring an RPG to blow up the main character's car are luckily too dumb to bring more than one rocket so that they can only fire once which they conveniently do when their target is actually not even anywhere close to the car.
11. NSA agents are stupid.
12. China is dangerous place - US Marshalls run around there with handguns.
13. So do FBI agents.
14. NSA agents are stupid.
15. Jakarta is also dangerous - people often die there with screwdrivers in their eyes and no one seems to care, and
16. parades are being held in open gunfire.
17. NSA agents are STUPID.
18. 70 million US dollars equal roughly 40 million euro.
19. Speaking of the Euro - Switzerland has adopted it.
20. NSA agents are so frelling STUPID it actually HURTS!
21. The NSA is also stupid - one of their most secret pieces of software is apparently reachable from the Internet.
22. Via the lamest GUI ever.
23. Gaining access to a frontend of a system means "you have it", according to the NSA. But as we all know ...
24. NSA agents are just so frelling STUPID it actually HURTS!
25. Hackers don't need to know your phone number - they can just call you anyway.
26. You might be good enough a hacker to hack yourself into an NSA supercomputer, but an Malaysian web hoster surely is too difficult of a target to hack into.
27. Luckily, their "datacenter" is just a random shed with little to no security.
28. If you can't hack yourself into a datacenter, then just ram yourself into it.
29. Bank employees are almost as stupid as NSA agents.
30. Malaysian IP addresses look just like URLs in the rest of the world.
31. Police forces all around the world must be stupid to spend $$$ on bullet-proof vests when they can achieve the same with just magazines and duct tape.
32. If you wanna track down someone who modified a short program, you absolutely need the person who wrote the code originally as no one else on Earth is capable of spoofing a sender's email address.
33. Love comes quickly. Sometimes it hits you like a sledgehammer.
34. Chinese women must be very unhappy and
35. once they are "happier than ever before" you won't notice any change in their behavior.
--
"We're with you all the way, mostly"