1) Don't call the police for help.
Kansas Critic, My Video & Written Reviews:
http://www.vaughnonmovies.com
98.At the moment of death your tattoos may fly away.
share99. If you must build a gun out of car parts, make sure it's not a car that backfires.
100. Never kill a butterfly. They're the souls of dead hitmen.
101. Never visit Sweden durning their tourist hunting season.
102. If your girlfriend is shot at by a Swedish tourist hunter, get her under cover quick as you can, kill the hunter, then shoot her yourself - it cuts out the middle man.
103. If the police find an unchilled bottle of wine in your picknick hamper they will become suspicious. A loaded handgun on the other hand will not worry them at all.
Surprised this one hasn't been posted in some form:
104. George Clooney can modify a rifle that shoots backwards that somehow doesn't blow up in your face, but instead hits you square in the eye as if the bullet came through the scope that you were look through.
105. Pointing a pistol at an assassin at the verge of death is an effective way of extracting information regarding his/her secret employer.
106. If you are a Swedish assassin, it is best to come out of you car, stand around for a bit and wait to be assassinated by another professional hit man.
107. Sir George Clooney can get in a gun battle with other trained assassins and his shirt, pants, shoes and hair remains well kept.
108. It cost thousands of dollars for George Clooney to construct a gun out of used car parts.
109. Italian police will show up and not detect any foul play if you pour wine after a 'gun-show-picnic' but they are non-existent when two men are found dead and an expensive car is crashed.
110. A Catholic priest will try to save your soul by trying to make you confess your sins, but that Catholic priest will not admit his own sinful confessions.
111. 'From Dusk till Dawn' George Clooney is more ruthless than the serial killer assassin 'The American' George Clooney
112. If you are an assassin looking for love dont join a dating game show or a dating website just get you an Italian hooker, she is cheaper, and she looks ten times as better...and she will definitely put out
113. Even if you work for your boss for many years he will eventually try to kill you
114. If you're a British assassin, the only way to get a gun is to ask someone called Pavel who will tell you to travel to Italy and buy it from an American assassin. God bless the relaxation of EU border controls.
115. If you're an American staying in a village in Italy, they will try to make you feel at home by caling you 'The American' all the time. They will play music about Americans at your favourite cafe and when you order a 'caffe nero' they will deliver it with 'ecco cafe americano'. Just in case you didn't get the point that it's all about you.
~ Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a *beep* how crazy they are! ~
116. Driving back from a picnic with a half empty cold bottle of wine will not make the police suspicious, even though any breath test will show that the driver hasn't touched it. Maybe his date is a wino.
117. Having the lead character kill his trusting and innocent girlfriend by a bullet in her back in the beginning, will make the audience lose any sympathies for him and ultimately wish for him to meet his demise.
118. Being a priest means you have to give up marriage, but it certainly doesn't mean that you have to give up an active sex life.
119. Now when you're wife says she's going to see the priest to confess her sins, be a little wary, all might not be as it seems.
It's a movie, please check your common sense at the door.
120: If you need to do various nefarious things in an Italian mountain village, don't worry. There is almost never anyone out in the streets.
Ever.
- Except the hitman who is after you, and whom you will easily hear behind you since there's not a single other person out in the streets.
Ever.
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>cafe americano
Yeah thats what they actually do call American style coffee in Europe and thats what you'll likely get if you ask for a coffee in English. Except that in Venice anyway it was as strong an espresso. After trying that once, I got used to asking for Cafe Latte.
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RIGOLETTO: I'm denied that common human right, to weep.
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Mathilde is clearly British.
But then again I'm an atheist, so what can you believe now?
This movie is not a movie but a video game.
share121: Assassins are lousy at arranging picnics. They remember to chill the wine but nobody ever gets to eat anything.
~ George Clooney forum, updated daily: http://clooneysopenhouse.forum-motion.com/ ~
122. "The American" would be a good movie for an old folks home, the audience could fall asleep for long periods of time and not miss anything.
It's a movie, please check your common sense at the door.
123. There must be at least 2 dead bodies before Italian police will bother turning up to sleepy villages to investigate
124. Any film involving American men in Italy must have them riding a Vespa at least once
125. George Clooney can handle a Vespa in many more ways than Gregory Peck
126. Italian villages are the equivalent of an above-ground cemetery - completely lifeless, even after loud exchanges of gunfire
127. Illegitimate children will always be shady characters themselves, none of them will ever come good
128. Italian vehicles are reliable modes of transport
129. Foreigners wandering the local countryside will inevitably stop to assist a local farmer with engine trouble, and always be able to fix the problem
130. Prostitutes in small villages are always able to wander the streets freely without anyone ever recognising them from their work
131. Hookers have hearts of pure gold, always
132. Church bells can and do cover a multitude of sins
133. Actuaries struggle to accurately predict the lifespan of assassins
134. Your first stop in a small foreign village will always involve an older woman sweeping and an older man sitting outside a cafe/market shop/bar. Both will stare at you wordlessly until you leave
135. Assassins are fitness freaks, but wouldn't be seen dead in any type of modern workout gear involving lycra, spandex or garish colours
136. People driving sensible Volvo station wagons are not always harmless geeks
137. In Sweden, Volvo drivers want to kill you, the reverse of any other country where we want to kill them
138. Passports are never necessary for shady Americans wandering through Europe
139. There is a good chance Silvio Berlusconi may have been a previous client of Clara's
140. Forget Chianti and some antipasto, target shooting and skinny dipping are de rigeur on Italian picnics
141. If the worst thing that happens to your Alfa is the bumper coming off, consider yourself extremely fortunate
"We're actors! We're the opposite of people!"
142. Anyone that comes to your house in a Volvo can be hence forth referred to as the swede.
143. Fellow assassins are gorgeous women that will meet you not wearing any underwear and of course they will ask questions in order to possess you.
144. You can put your reputation on the line by sabotaging a gun that you built based purely on a hunch.
145. If a hooker kisses you, she will instantly fall in love with you.
146. An assassin will watch you right out in the open in a compact car and not worry a stitch about it looking obvious that he is doing so.
147. If after several trained assassins cannot kill a target, just go after him yourself with a pistol and don't wait until the current assassin completes the job.
148. You can kick the bumper off a fiat tempra quite easily.
The Lord hides his gifts in plain sight
149. You know that the assassin is crap at her job when she stares at you funny and makes an excuse to go to the toilet and get out her gun to come back and shoot you with it.
150. Any prostitute that lets you do her up the **** and then kiss you on the lips will make an excellent future wife for you.
151. Doing chin ups and sit ups with your top off does not disguise the fact that you look like you are only a couple of years away from drawing your pension.
152. George Clooney is brave. Cavorting onscreen with a gorgeous Italian woman in explicit sex scenes thus risking the wrath of his real-life gorgeous Italian girlfriend proves this
153. Lonely and cheapskate American men with a natural resistance to STD's should head to regional Italy. You will only have to pay the prostitute once, after that it will be free
154. Assassins should always tell their handler that they "still feel like they have another 50 hits left in them" to avoid being killed by the same handler
155. Assassins should seek independent financial advice before contemplating retirement
156. Europe's drive towards environmental purity is being sabotaged by reckless hitmen throwing away mobile phones, batteries, weapons and ammo shells into rivers and forests
"We're actors! We're the opposite of people!"
157. When taking delivery of a custom made sniper rifle, have someone else test fire it before using it yourself.
share158: If you need a professional team of hitmen to take someone out, hire absolutely ANYONE except the Swedes.
share159) George Clooney can lay down, and then bend at the hip and have his nose touch the ground between his legs.
160) When testing the gun you're about to buy, give it to the person that made it, have them walk 100 feet away, and then have them shoot right at you, it's a good way to test where the sound is coming from, and to see if the person has good aim...
were you listening? or were you looking at the women in the red dress?...
161) If you walk around on cobblestone sidewalks, wear shoes with hard soles so they will make a lot of noise.
162) When you realize how much noise they make, take them off and walk in your sox.
163) When you have the difficult task of making a very, very special rifle, all you have to do is get parts by mail order. The parts just snap together!
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164. If you're a macho ruthless killer it's ok to have a butterfly tattoo on your back.
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168) Assassins are awesome at making silencers. All they need is a makeshift drill press and they can thread tubes and end caps. Lathe? Not necessary for an assassin.
169) Assassins suck at making silencers. While it is well known that free bore boost will add a couple fps, an assassins silencer actually loses velocity.
170) A silencer is actually a suppressor, even though the inventor called them silencers, industry calls them silencers, and in American law they are referred to as silencers.
171) 5.56 loses 2000fps and becomes subsonic when shot through a mini 14.
172) When sighting in your scope, shoot offhand, so the gun is more stable.
173) When approaching a shadetree mechanic that does not care about the law, don't make an effort to use his tools to make the silencer, even though he says you can use anything in the shop.
174) When approached by a strange man who is talking about bogus car problems, believe everything he says and leave him alone in your shop less than a minute after meeting him.
How to kill someone: hire an assassin for the job, wait until the assassin is in position and all ready to do it and shoot her right at that moment. Wait for the target to come investigate, let him shoot you and THEN shoot him back.
shareInstead of living in a small village where you could see what is coming. Go to a village that is on small hills where you have to climb all kinds of steps to get anywhere and you can’t see anything.
have a great day
177. If you want out of the hitman game just tell your shady employer who you suspect of setting you up instead of just dissapearing
178. Always request to do just one more job before leaving the hitman game
179. Take no chances that a beautiful woman who is around when you ppl try to kill you the 1st time is a spy and shoot her in back of the head. Later DO NOT shoot another woman who you suspect of plotting to kill you, especially after you see her meet with a group of strange men at night.
180. Break the window of car so you can personally break an assassins neck and leave your fingerprints on them instead of shooting them point blank through the wind with your gun.
181. Send only ONE Swede to kill a super deadly assassin who manages to kill 3 Swedes a week before.
182. If you a feeble old hitman bookie make sure you go in person to finish off one of your best, well trained and deadliest assassins.
what number are we on? number 183?
183. The maximum number of assassins sent to any kill job is two. After you kill them, you can relax--there aren't any others hiding out anywhere.
184. If you make a gun for a fellow hit woman who is as experienced as you are...and decide to tamper with it--she won't notice when she puts it together again.
185. If you call your boss and he has one more job for you--just hang up before hearing the details. They have your profile, know your love of Peccorino cheese and will patiently wait for you in another village market for you to show up.
186. If you're sent to kill another hitman--just take one shot and run away as fast as you can even though you have a gun. It's even better if you see him coming after you on an exposed vespa to just drive away ahead of him and keep driving in a straight line while he tries to shoot you.
I am a leaf on the wind - watch how I soar.
187. Cloonie is the only man in the world who can make a whore fall in love by his second session
188. Cloonie is the only man in the world keen enough to give unprotected cunnie to a whore
189. Italian whores don't have to pretend during a transaction.
190. If you have a job for either an American or Swedish assasin, hire the yankee.
191. A silencer and a suppressor are often mistakened as a same thing.
192. Bring a bottle of chilled wine with you if you plan to start a crime spree in Italy and don't want to look suspicious.
193. Italians don't always talk with all kinds of hand gestures.