Rate season 1 episodes from best to worst

[deleted]

Havent seen Imprint yet.

1.Sick Girl 8/10
2.Pick Me Up 8/10
3.Incident On and Off a Mountain Road 7/10
4.Deer Woman 6/10
5.Cigarette Burns 6/10
6.Homecoming 6/10
7.Dance of the Dead 6/10
8.Chocolate 5/10
9.Jenifer 5/10
10.Fair Haired Child 4/10
11.Haeckel's Tale 3/10
12.Dreams in the Witch-House 2/10

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I would personally rank it this way:

Cigarette Burns- This was wonderfully written, acted and directed. I understand and accept others' opinions on any other episode (except one more which will be mentioned much later). You don't have to say this one is the best, but if you say you didn't like it, you don't know good. I had not even seen Boondock Saints yet when I saw this. This is where I learned to enjoy Norman Reedus.

Fair Haired Child- I agree with all that has been said

Imprint- Miike paired with Billy Drago, one of the creepiest actors around, made for a very entertaining episode.

Deer Woman- Just for the pure entertainment value

Dreams in the Witch House -It's so hard to make Lovecraft into movie form, and I believe Gordon is the only one who has ever succeeded (on multiple occasions)

Sick Girl- I think I enjoyed the quirkiness more than the quality and it did have Misty Mundae, and it was better than any of her other 500 movies except maybe Playmate of the Apes.

Pick Me Up- The hardest story to mess up, yet still lands here....hmmm

Dance of the Dead- Having read the brilliant short story, and realizing that making a film exactly like it would be near impossible, I thought it was a valiant effort

Jenifer- Love Argento. His genius does not show here.

Haekel's Tale- Not good, not bad

Incident On and Off a Mountain Road: I enjoy looking at Bree Turner, actually like Ethan Embry, and Angus Scrimm( yes of the Phantasm movies) are in this, yet it offers nothing

Chocolate- Really Mick? At least you are saved by the next entry

Homecoming- The only reason Mick Garris must have allowed this pile of steaming crap into the series was to draw attention away from Chocolate...but wait you were a writer of this one!! If you enjoyed this one, you must be a friend or family member of someone involved in it's unfortunate existence. It would have been more enjoyable had this installment been replaced by an animated Disney movie. I would like to start a petition to have this garbage, and and any proof of it ever having existed, removed from the history books


On to season two and then Fear Itself...I wish this was still airing regardless, of some bad ones. I thank Mick Garris for giving it to us, even if he gave us some of the worst episodes.

Incident on and Off a Mountain Road - 10/10
Dreams in the Witch-House - 8/10
Dance of the Dead - 3/10
Jenifer - 2/10
Chocolate - 0/10
Homecoming - 0/10
Deer Woman - 7/10
John Carpenter's Cigarette Burns - 8/10
The Fair Haired Child - 10/10
Sick Girl - 3/10
Pick Me Up - 9/10
Haeckel's Tale - 2/10
Imprint - 4/10

*English is not my primary langage.

IMDB rankings :

Cigarette Burns 7.7
Imprint : 7
Incident on and Off a Mountain Road : 6.6
The Fair Haired Child : 6.6
Dreams in the Witch-House : 6.5
Deer Woman : 6.5
Homecoming : 6.4
Jenifer : 6.4
Pick Me Up : 6.4
Sick Girl : 6.4
Haeckel's Tale : 6.1
Chocolate : 5.2
Dance of the Dead : 5.1

Here's how I rank the episodes of Season 1:

1) Cigarette Burns

2) Sick Girl (A charming film. For the most part, it doesn't feel like a horror movie, and that's fine by me. This open-minded approach to the series enabled me to enjoy Homecoming, and although I don't think Deer Woman was anything too special, others seem to appreciate it despite the way it plays out like a comedy more than a horror film).

3) The Fair Haired Child (The story's rather simple, but it is to be commended for the atmosphere it presents and the thrills it induces)

4) Haeckel's Tale

5) Dreams in the Witch-House

6) Imprint (This episode was difficult to watch because of its prolonged torture scenes. Fortunately, other factors made its plot twists disturb in ways that were more to my liking)

7) Chocolate (I enjoyed seeing how the protagonist responded to his divorce more than I enjoyed the film's second half - in which he 'stalks' the Canadian woman)

8) Homecoming (Although the ideological message of this film is delivered in anything but a subtle manner, it dared to advance important social commentary that was all but lacking in the mainstream media during the years of paranoia which immediately followed 9/11. However, the narrative is one-sided in the sense that it implies that the Republican party is the sole party of neocons. As we continue to see during these years of the Obama administration, the Democratic party is generally as corrupt as the Republican party. I would have enjoyed the film more if the zombies rebelled against the corrupt two-party system and fought for options that would bring forth the change they sought!)

9) Jenifer (Although I enjoyed this episode a lot when I first saw it, I didn't enjoy it nearly as much during a repeat viewing)

10) Incident On and Off a Mountain Road (The central story seems simplistic, and the back story seems to have some loose ends. Still, it's not bad for what it is.)

11) Pick Me Up (This episode was well made and featured interesting characters, but I didn't enjoy it because terrible fates befell those who did no wrong. I realize that not all horror movies need to exclusively 'punish the deviants' to be good, but the realistic nature of the story made it difficult to appreciate. At least when zombies devour innocents in Night of the Living Dead, the fact that zombies are involved makes it easy to remind yourself that that scenario could never actually occur in reality)

12) Deer Woman (Although I found this episode fairly entertaining, I didn't find it as funny as did other viewers)

13) Dance of the Dead (This is the only Season 1 episode that I regret watching. Although there is good acting to be seen by the actress who plays the central protagonist, the story is much simpler than it initially appears to be. The 'deviant nightclub' came off very pretentious, and even though I am a fan of Billy Corgan's work with Smashing Pumpkins and Zwan, his sonic compositions seemed like like the output of an amateur who had been ordered to come up with tunes that sounded 'edgy.')

Cigarette Burns - 9/10

This one was actually the first episode I've seen of masters of horrors and I really liked it, to me it was hopefully going to set the standards of the entire series and was expecting to see more like it. There's nothing about this episode I would change. It did however get me curious to see La fin du absolue du monde. It was also cool to see the guy from walking dead in his early times.

Sick Girl - 6/10

This one was the lsat episode I've seen, it was good the first half hour or so but it just dragged on tooo long, which made me lose interest and it got to the point of the story at the end. They could have trimmed the romance scenes just a tad. Everything could have been avoided if the main girl decided to bring a laptop or portable DVD player to the other chicks place. The ending was ridiculous too, like what happened to the body, the sick girl ate? and do 100 bugs just crawl out of their vagina when ready? That bug was pimping.

Fair-Haired Child - 6/10

This episode was alright. If i was the girl and was given a phone call, would have just called the cops and tell them to come immediately before I get thrown in a basement, waiting to get eaten. Also when the fair haired child ran into the washroom because of the noise, I would have tried to sneak up on the door and close it on him. When she knocked over the glass, that was the biggest flop. If I was hiding in the oven, I wouldn't even look. Would have just climb that tunnel thing and camp there. The concept and premise was good to set the horror mood. Its just not an episode I would watch again.

Jenifer - 6/10

I first heard about masters of horror through a trailer I seen of Jenifer on youtube. The concept seemed interesting and I wanted to see how the ugly girl lives life in this story. If i was the cop, I would have forced some plastic surgery on that. Intensive surgery. I mean if she could be held in an asylum without eating no one. Plastic surgeons can be sure to hold her down. And if I suddenly decided to kill Jenifer for what she has done. I would have killed her right then and there, not drag her out for me to be seen. Like this guy was a cop, could have whipped out his weapon and would have taken two seconds, but Nah he decided to tie her hands drag her, further away into the forest to get shot by a hunter. Everyone seen this ending coming but real talks, it wouldn't go down like that.

Haeckal's Tale and Imprint - N.A

Uh for this one, I've forced myself to watch sooo many bad episodes, just for the sake of finishing the season, but I couldn't take it anymore. I started it, seen it took back, way back, with a red and black lumber jack, with a hat to match. Like it was that old. No horror story from that time is going to scare me because its out of my time. Imprint was also an episode I skimmed and I thought "this looks dumb" I seen a scene where a boy chucked a rock at the little girl's face. I couldn't help but laugh. I don't know the situation as to why it happened, and I know I would have boxed that kid right back in the face, but yeah I was done watching bad episodes and only interested in seeing the epiodes I'm interested in seeing.

Deer Woman - 6/10

This one did actually have its funny moments but it actually tried to be which made this episode more of a comedy then anything. Not gonna lie, if that deer woman came up to me, I would have shared the same fate as everyone else. It doesn't even explain how she selects her pray or why she does it. Her feet were funny and in my mind I named her "clip clop". For the actress it was her only movie ever. The ending was dumb too, how did she disappear like that? if she had the ability the whole time then why need to run? The imaginary version of the deer girl was pretty hot still and that whole dream sequence was the best part of the episode.

Dreams in the Witch house - 6/10

Yeah so far my ratings haven't gone less then 6. Its because I'm not that harsh on ratings these episodes because I found them decent. If any of them were an actual feature blockbuster movie. Then it would be a problem. This episode is about a guy who moves into the most sketch house. Have you seen his bed? his dresser? When the mother got evicted, he should have just let her leave. There would be no baby in the house and this guy can live in peace, but instead he meets the ugliest rat. If the rat is coming out of those holes, put a mouse trap in front of those holes. One thing I never understood till this day was why did the witch need his signature? He didn't even sign it either and ended up still having to kill the baby. And why did the witch need him to kill the baby? I don't know why when he actually saved the baby, he put it down. I would have returned it to the mom immediately. I would have been like "here you must have been worried this whole time, didn't want to make you wait longer for something else to happen." I would never let that ratman kill me. I would have tried to pick it up by the tail and say "waddup bitch" call the doctor and say "see im not crazy, take it in"

Pick Me Up - 7/10

I liked this episode for the reason that it reminded me of the olden day slasher movies. It even referenced Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I thought that the girl left in the forest would have more significance and that they would get back to her but they didn't. When the main girl left the motel I never understood why she stopped to read the billboard, and how the trucker was behind it like he knew she was going to stop to read it. And how she never seen the truck parked at the billboard was an even bigger flop. The scene in the convience store I also felt was irrelevant. Whatever happened to the grocery bags. Birdy carried it to the back of the truck, she was killed off screen. There is a mini scene to show you that she died in the truck but there was no grocery bag.I loved the ending, trucker and cowboy decided to team up to kill the paramedics but end up getting killed instead. Don't mean to spoil but I assume you've seen all the episodes if your going to see the ratings for them all.

Incident in and off the mountain - 7/10

The girl that starred in this was hot. I liked this episode because she always tried to stay a step ahead using tecniques she learned from her late husband. Sometimes when you hit an empty car, go to check if there okay and find it empty covered in blood, followed by a scream. You should know to leave. Don't be a hero when you know you can't. Moonface guy reminded me of jeeper creepers. I hate the stories where they don't explain the motives or where they come from. Just kind of thrown in. Nightmare on elm street, man who kills children in dreams. Has a history as to why he does and how he got the ability to. Simple revenge story similar as to the ice cream story in masters of horror. I really liked the ending because it waws a twist that I didn't see coming, before the rape scene anyway.

Chocolate - 6/10

This episode looked decent from the trailer but after actually watching it, it was pretty boring. From the supermarket girl, this could have easily become a romance story and could have been its own movie if it leaned towards that. But being a horror story, he ends up becomig a huge stalker. Again, this guy somehow gets non explainable supernatural powers to see, hear and feel through this woman. When he was getting *beep* on the bed, I would consider this ability a curse. He was catching instead of pitching, and he's straight, that's sooo sad. I would cry if that happened to me. Even if she was feeling satisfied and he feels what she feels, its just a mental thing. He stalks her
to the point where he buys her a wrong box of chocolate that reminds her of her murder and thats meeting her in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. He travelled a long way just to stalk this woman. I randomly realized that all these episodes are filmed in Vancouver, which is why they always use the setting. This story could have been told even without the whole divorce and kid thing. They had no siginificance to his power or his stalking. The ending to this was very lame. But there was no other direction it could go being a horror, if they lived happily ever after, then this episode
was a romance.

Dance of the Dead - 3/10

Oh man, this episode was disgustingly horrendous. Robert Englund was the only reason this episode didn't get anything less than 3. I really liked the terrorist attack part and the drug that lets you see what's in your mind. But that's all. There was no horror in this episode. Dancing corpses... ooohhh. The girl in this was pretty. But the plot was dumb, the ending was dumb. Selling your ugly mom to be a dancing corpse because she did the same to your sister. I wouldn't even call that punishment. That's just rude. Like now there's going to be no more pies. =/. Oh well the mom was a bitch anyway, from when she locked her friends out and not even feed them later in their time of need. There is nothing you could change in this episode without changing the episode completely.

Homecoming - 3/10

This is by far the worst zombie movie I've ever seen. I had to watch the whole Walking Dead season just to fix myself on the idea of zombies. Day of the dead was a bad zombie movie, the concept of if your a vegetarian in human life,
you won't eat other humans as a zombie in your zombie life because humans are meat. This was a bad concept because the standard of zombie flicks is that you don't think as a zombie, its all about survival instinct and what you crave is
living flesh. In this, the zombies talked, wanted to vote, didn't eat no body, they get shot at even though they mean no harm. They just want to vote against the war. They voted and won but the world decided to make their votes invalid
so the war party wins anyway. The zombies come back because they didn't win and know they got cheated. And they recruit the main lead to join there side, so that zombies and humans can live side by side. Shaun of the dead was
the better way for zombies and humans to live together. That is all.