"I didn't come in on a load of turnips."
"This isn't my first rodeo."
"I am the least judgmental person I know."
"That just creeps me out." (totally contradicts the previous phrase lol)
"I've been doing this for forty-five years!"
"I'm just an ol' country boy..."
Let's keep this list going!
I ate a pear. I ate three pears. - Lizzie Borden
"No matter how flat a pancake is, it has two sides to it." Or something like that.
shareAs my dad used to say... (apparently his father only spoke in cliche phrases)
We teach people how to treat us.
How's that working for you?
Don't ever miss a good chance to shut up.
And the most important and often used phrase: My wife (kid, DIL, any family member) has something she's going to try to sell you all now. ;)
Maybe poker's just not your game, Ike. I know, let's have a spelling contest.
"That is offensive to my sensibilities"
"I'm what's known as a mandated reporter..."
"Glad to meet you but so sorry for the circumstances..."
"You've got two jobs in life: One, get an education. Two, have a lot of fun."
"You are a beautiful, vibrant, intelligent young lady."
"I'm done."
"The lie detector results are non-deceptive. That means he is telling the truth." (as if it's not already obvious)
I ate a pear. I ate three pears. - Lizzie Borden
"If you don't have a job, your job is looking for a job."
-Simplistic
"Often things start for one reason and continue for another reason"
-Another vacuous, obvious observation
"People with nothing to hide, hide nothing"
-Not true at all
"Well if you're so smart, why is your marriage in the ditch?"
-A non sequitur. Intelligence doesn't correlate to marriage happiness.
"Man up!"
-Sexist
"You are a right-fighter!"
-Who wants to be right more than Dr. Phil himself? Plus, shouldn't we all strive to be right?
"Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"
-Why not both?
"I don't ask why. I ask why not!"
-Excuse-making for bratty kids
"That's therapy speak"
-Ironic considering the folksy sayings he uses instead
"You never give in to the disease"
-Personification of an affliction
"Pray to God, but row for the shore"
-Just used to prove his religious bone fides
"Am I in the Twightlight Zone here?"
-Breaks the fourth wall. Pretending to be shocked by the content of his own show that he supposedly has absolute command of at all times.
"Am I being punked?"
-See above
"Is stupid written on my forehead?"
-That's an oldie but a goodie. It's right up there with "I know you are but what am I?"
"The creep-meter is way off the charts"
-Said in a pandering way, again breaking the fourth wall.
"The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior"
-Duh
"I treat all my guests with dignity and respect"
-A bald-faced (see what I did there) lie
"Parent is a verb as well as a noun"
-Thanks Noah Webster. How does that help me with my out of control child?
"Marriages aren't 50/50 they are 100/100"
-This completely misses the point. Sometimes your 100 takes away from their 100, therefore compromise has to happen.
"You never lay hands on a woman in anger!"
-Though a good thought there's no way this could be as sacrosanct as he insists. Watch "Wives with Knives" on Investigation Discovery and get back to me.
"Why would you let a man use your body as a playground?"
-This is a very old and patriarchal view of sex, as if women could never want it or even use a man's body as her playground. Hell what if they used each other as a playground?
"Hey, lady!"
-Ironic since it's usually after he says he treats all guests with "dignity and respect"
"But for.."
-A fallacious line of thought if there ever was one. But for me getting out of bed this morning I wouldn't have crashed my car on the way to work. Thus, waking up caused my car accident. Nonsense.
"Female children are 30x more likely to be molested with a non-biological male living in the house"
-So single mothers should be alone the rest of their lives?
"You can call me an SOB if you want but you are going to do it long-distance."
-This one which I actually like and subscribe to. Dr. Phil's guests should take it to heart and not expose themselves to the bully.
"When you choose the behaviour, you choose the consequences."
share"I'm trained [brief pause for effect] in forensic psychology."
"You can't fix what you don't acknowledge."