MovieChat Forums > Bend It Like Beckham (2003) Discussion > South Asian girls in relationships with ...

South Asian girls in relationships with white guys?

posted 17 years ago by rainleaf
61 replies | jump to latest

are there south asian girls on this board who have had a relationship with a white guy? did your parents or family accept your union, what kind of obstacles did you have to face?

i personally found this movie to be accurate in regards to the concept of interracial marriage in south asian families. mostly anyway. leniency in dating or marrying non-south asian guys varies from family to family, but i've found that in almost all south asian families i interact with (i'm pakistani too, so close enough =P) "south asian girl + white guy" is still very much taboo.

[–] coolaree 15 years ago

I'm not a girl or South Asian, but from observation I very rarely 'see South Asian girls with white (or black/asian/ whatever) guys (Then again I dont actively look.)

but 'Indian guys with white girls, I;ve seen alot. (In Australia).

I see now, judging from these comments, it could be because of culture, religion and family and stuff, slight double standard maybe regarding males/females...

Anyway I enjoyed the movie :)

[–] LiveTogetherDialAPhone 14 years ago

I don't understand the racist mentality of many traditional immigrants... I mean, if you're moving to a country where the overwhelming majority of the population is not your ethnicity or religion, do you honestly expect your lineage to stay "pure" forever? Maybe your children will marry into your culture, and if you're "lucky" maybe your grandchildren might, but even that's a stretch. Sooner or later, your descendants are going to be assimilated into your new country, unless they move again or something. Look at the United States... Find anyone whose ancestry goes back in the country 150+ years, and you'll be hard-pressed to find many who are 100% anything - including the Native Americans.

What is it, then? Do they see their immigration as being a temporary thing, assuming that one day their family will go back to their land of birth? It can't just be stupidity.

[–] Asim0721-1 14 years ago

the thing about immigrating is that they dont really move to experience the western lufestyle but for providing for their families. Its all about familiarity and how the community sees you. In my family (pakistani) here in the uk, hey would prefer you to marry a pakistani, but slowly things are changing. my borther married a bengali and my parents were okay with that. i dont know about south asian and white but religion and soical stigma about marrying someone from "outside" is seen as wierd.

[–] 14 years ago

[deleted]

[–] sokkertenngrl-1 14 years ago

hmm One should not always blame the South Asian side of a relationship for the relationship to not work out. Like someone said, it works both ways.
Also, the reason for the low numbers of interracial marriage can also be attributed to the fact that many white guys may not like asian/indian girls or only like white girls. That's a big reason why I feel there are more South Asian man/White woman relationships than the opposite.

I met a white French boy who I became infatuated with, but he felt people should be with their own kind-- Chinese with Chinese, French with French. So needless to say, my hopes of him ever liking me back were useless, and that's when I felt I should just date/marry within my own race, so as not to be rejected because of something I cannot and would not want to change. Mind you, this wasn't the only experience of something like this happening, it's happened almost all the times I've fancied a white guy. And I live in a very liberal community(or so I thought).

http://cashcrate.com/661930
You don't need money to make money.

[–] randir14-1 14 years ago

Sokkertenngrl, don't think all white guys are like that. I don't know where you live but in the U.S. it's not really a big deal. I know a white guy married to an Indian woman.

[–] hollywoodsuprstar 14 years ago

I am in the USA and i've noticed that lot of South Asian woman prefer White men, and South Asian male prefer white woman.
Seen it, its very common here, and people are okay with it..because its America (a big melting pot)
South Asian Americans are just modern thinkers, if parents object then they just move out on their own and have their own life.

(i've known it for a fact)

[–] David_Brown 14 years ago

Jess is a very different "South Asian Girl" than most. She is essentially a prodigy, who is simply too good at soccer, to follow her parents rules, and be happy doing it. More importantly, she is honest about who she is, and knows what has to be done to get there. Her Father, was wise enough to let her follow her dreams, and by letting her go to Santa Clara, and date Joe, she will not rebel, and stay in California (As I can imagine Jules will). Instead, she will get her degree, then come back home, play soccer for England in the Women's World Cup & Olympics, and be an asset to her family and community. By the way, this was hinted at by Jess at the airport, and stressed at the very end with Joe playing cricket with Jess's dad.

[–] 14 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Lolawoo 13 years ago

My family are South Asian (Muslim, Palistani) they are hypocritically religious and cling on to their conservative values and ideal and they are to be blunt racist - its an understatement to say that they way they are fustrates me.

My first boyfriend was white, and we had a great relationship. His parents knew about me but I couldn't tell my family because they'd never accept it. They eventually found out and demanded that I break up with him - I didn't. Why would I anyway? He was a great person and I loved him, I would never break up with someone just because my parents told me too, and I'd encourage everyone else in a similar situation to do this as well.

Regressive, archiac traditions only fuel my desire to change this. One thing that I've learned after many attempts to challenge my familys bigotry is that they will never change, but the older generation will die out soon enough.

Nothing to lose but our chains, we have a world to win

[–] chiltanflats 12 years ago

This is a very good topic as I got to read insightful responses from different users. Just wanted to tell you that I appreciated it. Peace-

au contaire.

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] manofsteel4455 11 years ago

I think the only people South Asians would never date are blacks. Since blacks seem to be on their least favorite people's list.

You want to play the game, you'd better know the rules, love.
-Harry Callahan

[–] activista 11 years ago

@manofsteel

As a black person, I don't understand the hate we get from some South Asians---we've never done nothing to them, like invade their land and enslave all their people like white folks did. Yet some of them will kiss a white person's behind quicker than anything else, because they got that drilled into them after a couple of hundreds years of racist colonialism that white people were supposedly better then everybody else (which is pure bull****.) Hell, everybody is the whole damn world has always looked down on black folks since slavery times---so that's nothing new. And what kills me is those same damn white people these Indians idolize still consider themselves superior to Indians and damn near everybody else on the planet anyway! It's all a bunch of racist bull**** anyway!

[–] Kaskinen 10 years ago

As a black person, I don't understand the hate we get from some South Asians---we've never done nothing to them, like invade their land and enslave all their people like white folks did. Yet some of them will kiss a white person's behind quicker than anything else, because they got that drilled into them after a couple of hundreds years of racist colonialism that white people were supposedly better then everybody else (which is pure bull****.) Hell, everybody is the whole damn world has always looked down on black folks since slavery times---so that's nothing new. And what kills me is those same damn white people these Indians idolize still consider themselves superior to Indians and damn near everybody else on the planet anyway! It's all a bunch of racist bull**** anyway!

It's definitely racist, but Indians and other Asians don't care if whites see themselves above them or history because they seem Westerners as above them too. That's why they "kiss a white person's behind quicker than anyone else." Many Asians are obsessed with status and being successful. If black people were #1, they'd kiss their ass too.

[–] mebrown57 10 years ago

I'm a white guy married to a South Asian lady. We have been married for over 30 years. It was a problem initially for her family (never for mine) but time heals everything. Now they accept me (and our children) as part of the family. Interestingly since we got married several others in the family (siblings and now the next generation) have also married/entered relationships, in nearly all cases with people of different ethnicity. I've also noticed that inter-racial relationships have become so commonplace that people generally don't comment anymore. Well I guess that there is a chance that eventually everyone will realise that there is only one race - the human race.

[–] jefgg 11 years ago

My bro is white and he used to have a girlfriend from Sri Lanka. Her family liked him. It may have been because he was attending law school.

[–] tradeskilz 10 years ago

My GF is SE Asian. Her parents are happy but i suspect that's only because they consider me rich. That being said they would probably prefer a well-off local man to me. I still hear them refer to me as "the westerner" in their native tongue sometimes, which bothers me as i have told them on many occasion that i do have a name and it's not westerner. Frankly the lack of respect does bother me as they would never show such discourtesies to a local man of similar station. I suppose they believe me to be ignorant of local customs so that i won't notice. I suspect they are annoyed i haven't elevated their own station within the tribe enough. Oh well i have my own life to elevate first.