Arguably the *worst* movie in cinema history

Three of Hollywood's softest actors are thrown together into one of the dullest stories in cinema history, playing pseudo-subtle maffiosi. Mob man's family gets killed by his own clan, and the man takes revenge! It's quite fantastic to see Tommy Soft & Serious Hanks playing a tormented maffioso who has to choose between mob loyalty and family (you feel the tension). Add teddy bear Jude Law as a nasty assassin (I couldn't stop laughing), and Paul Newman as the Godfather (can you imagine?), and we have the perfect ingredients for a laugh-kick. Since there is no plot, we must stick to discussing the merits of using perfect-son-in-law actors as gangsters. No workie.

I often wondered whether this movie was intended as a comedy, but the more moralistic the story got, the more I understood that Tom Hanks (the moralist of all moralists) must have had the brilliant idea of using himself to prove that maffiosi do have feelings too.

Besides deserving an Oscar for worst cast in history, I urge technically minded individuals to investigate whether my DVD laserhead simply spinned too sloooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwly, or whether Mendes was actually serious about this wicked tempo. Awful movies often have a reason to be called awful. This one is too empty to have reasons.