MovieChat Forums > My Girl (1991) Discussion > Why do people have open casket funerals?

Why do people have open casket funerals?

posted 14 years ago by jenni_doll_1
30 replies | jump to latest

I've always believed it just makes it more traumatic for the mourners and I think it's especially inappropriate for a child's funeral. I can understand a viewing the day before the burial, but the service should be a solemn, respectful occasion. The "where's his glasses" scene has to about the saddest thing I've ever seen in a movie. I suppose as a movie goes, it was good for adding to the emotional effect, but things like what Vada did in that scene, do happen in real life. I've heard of people completely losing it and trying to pull the dead person out of the casket. Funerals are emotionally trying enough for the survivors without having to see something like that. My husband had a cousin he was raised with for six years who died at 10 in a hit and run accident, and after attending his funeral, my husband was unable to attend funerals for years after seeing the emotional trauma of all the adults breaking down in front of the open casket. His cousin's mom was so hysterical she reached in the boy's casket and shook him so hard his jaw broke, it was a horrible thing to watch. I would never want an open casket funeral, it makes the experience more difficult than necessary.

[–] teefus87 14 years ago

I have always wondered the same thing. I find open casket funerals creepy

Mr. Shue, let me be your Britney

[–] Goldlionsfire 14 years ago

Open casket funerals can be okay if it's like, your grandma died from old age. I don't recommend open caskets for people who have died some horrific death that left them with visible wounds.

[–] Promontorium 14 years ago

The funerals for both my grandparents and my mother were open-casket.

I'm glad for it, and nobody lost their mind. I thought that only happens in fiction.

[–] thehorrorrrrr 14 years ago

every funeral i've been to has been open casket.
my great grandma died by falling out of her wheel chair cause the stupid care takers werent doing a very good job taking care of her. anyway, it was open casket and believe me, it was not pretty. pretty much her whole face was blue from being bruised due to her fall. it was NOT the way i wanted to remember my sweet grandma. I'm almost in tears as i type this right now.
my whole family was hysterical when they saw her, saddest funeral ever.

[–] Promontorium 14 years ago

Yeah well, if your story is true, I hope you learned a really simple lesson. Don't have an open casket if the person's face is grotesque. Pretty damn simple.

[–] thehorrorrrrr 14 years ago

It's not like the choice was up to me, idiot.

[–] SayNoToRemakes 12 years ago

The same thing happened to my grandma who was in rehab recovering from a fall at home. My uncle didn't tell us the rehab/nursing home let her die from a fall there, and we would not have known if we hadn't insisted on an open casket. We saw where they tried to cover the bruise on her head and found out the truth.

So sometimes it's a good idea to check out the body of someone close if the death is sudden and/or unexpected.

[–] DeltaHomicide 13 years ago

It helps mourners achieve closure. It's painful and horrific to see a loved one's empty "shell", but without viewing the body, many of us would psychologically maintain the illusion that they're not really dead.

[–] jenni_doll_1 13 years ago

Like I said, that's what a viewing the day before the funeral service is for.

[–] DeltaHomicide 13 years ago

It is a strange custom. I went to a funeral in Korea, and they just had a photo displayed (memorial set up underneath), and only close family members were given the choice to see the body, which was in another room.

My point is that it is a choice of service that the family or friend(s) made, so I'm sure you can sympathize with their wishes. You can imagine how some people really need to see the deceased one last time, in a physical form.

If you're not one of those people, I'm not knocking you for it, just saying why open caskets are considered normal.

[–] jenni_doll_1 13 years ago

I believe funerals are for the survivors, and, of course whatever they want is their entitlement, but I will just never relate to why anyone would want to have to sit and gawk at their loved one's corpse for the duration of a funeral service. The mourners are often upset to begin with, and that's generally going to compound it. I totally understand wanting to see them one last time before their casket is permanently closed, but not having them visible for the entire service, especially since the person almost never looks exactly like himself/herself, not really. The death of a loved one is very devastating for those left behind, but I think we live in a society and culture that encourages death to be a more emotionally traumatic experience than necessary. As I said, if that's what the survivors want, that's their business, but I will never relate to the desire for open casket funerals and I don't agree with the practice.

[–] deweynoodle 13 years ago

To each his own. I certianly would never want an open casket. Actually I want to be cremated... But anyway...

I agree, that in the movie, they did it for the effect, and for the added sadness with the "where are his glasses" line (sob!). But as someone else stated, the fact that it's a CHILD, in addition to the fact that the bee stings, which was what killed him, were visible on his face...that would just be too traumatic to have to see.
I unfortunately attended the funeral of one of my best friends in high school and she did not have an open casket and I was thankful for that. In my opinion, just seeing the casket itself, closed, was hard enough. Knowing that your loved one is inside. Heartbreaking.

[–] cosmic_quest 13 years ago

Open caskets for an old person who has lived their life might be fine but there is something very wrong to do so for a child (or even a young adult) where it is so unnatural to see them so still and where grief is going to be even more gut-wrenching because their lives have been cut short so soon. It's hard enough burying a child without looking at them just before they go into the ground/are cremated.

However, I think these days, it's very rare to see an open casket for a child. Since we've come a long way in psychology since the Seventies, today parents are given as much time as possible with the child's body after death, in most circumstances. This means they don't need to have an open casket as the actual funeral.

"I always pretend to root for Gryffindors but, secretly, I love my Slytherin boys."~ Karen, W&G

[–] hurtmesogood 13 years ago

I guess it's a religious thing or tradition. No one in my family has had an open casket funeral (we've had a lot of cremations though) since my great grandpa died in the 70s. It traumatized my mom. My great aunt wanted an open casket funeral but she was shot in the head and they said they could fix it and make it look like that didn't happen but we didn't want to deal with it. We wanted to respect her wishes but all things considered it was just too much to handle and we chose a closed casket funeral.

get to know me // http://becoolrelax.tumblr.com/

[–] MirrorofReflection 13 years ago

What the family wants to do with the casket is none of your concern.

[–] manofsteel4455 13 years ago

you youngsters just don't understand anything do you?

You want to play the game, you'd better know the rules, love.
-Harry Callahan

[–] MirrorofReflection 13 years ago

Did you mean to reply to me?

[–] manofsteel4455 13 years ago

lol no.

You want to play the game, you'd better know the rules, love.
-Harry Callahan

[–] MirrorofReflection 13 years ago

Ah, just wanted to make sure.

[–] alzanden-1 13 years ago

Funerals are very hard, but they are a part of life. Open caskets make it easier to give the bereaved closure. As "grotesque" as it may seem to gawk at a dead body, seeing the body and being able to say goodbyes helps with the grieving process.

My grandma died a few weeks ago, we had two days of viewing and the funeral on the third day. I was glad that the casket was still open until the end of the funeral so I could say one final goodbye. When my mom died years ago, the funeral was in a different location from the visitation, so when we got there for the funeral the casket was already closed. Maybe it would have made a difference if I was told before hand it would be closed and to say my final goodbyes the day before, but it felt somehow unfinished that the casket was closed during the service. I guess it is different for everyone, but that is my personal experience with it.

[–] uncrules30 13 years ago

I went to an open casket funeral before, I did not find anything creepy or uncomfortable about it. However I did not know the deceased. He was my best friend's grandfather. I was only there to offer my friend support.

I will say however, at my grandmother's funeral, while it was not open casket the funeral director did offer us a chance to view her body before he closed the casket. I declined because I did not want my last memory of her to be seeing her corpse.

Everyone has their own way of mourning. I don't think there's anything wrong with open casket or closed casket.

[–] denise1234 9 years ago

alzanden-1^

"Funerals are very hard, but they are a part of life. Open caskets make it easier to give the bereaved closure. As "grotesque" as it may seem to gawk at a dead body, seeing the body and being able to say goodbyes helps with the grieving process."

So true.

Regarding other posters talking about grieving folks going crazy over an open casket ~ I've seen the same with closed caskets. At one funeral I was at (closed casket), when it came time to move the casket from the chapel to the cemetery, the mother of the deceased started saying 'No!No!No!', she hysterically threw her body over the casket and wouldn't let go and wouldn't let them take it. This went on for about 20 minutes. And at another closed casket funeral, at the cemetery I saw a relative of the deceased go amok and run around everyone, shrieking and crying.

So, these things can happen whether open or closed casket.

To posters about seeing horrible wounds and such on the dead in their caskets: well, if someone was really disfigured at death, frequently they advise a closed casket (not all relatives may agree though, and instead may insist on an open casket). For other injuries, I have seen wonders done on the body where you couldn't even tell ~ depends on how good funeral staff are.

And, I decided not to take my very young son to my Dad's funeral. The two of them were very close. I thought it would be too traumatic for him. To this day, he berates me for not allowing him to go and see his grandfather one last time.

Anyway...I am in the camp of open casket or closed casket: family decision and I have no problem with either one.

My 2 cents~

"A distant ship, smoke on the horizon. You are only coming through in waves."