That was the same older man both times. It's funny how the town gossip gets chronically philandering Howard's number just fine when she can gossip about him, but feels free to assign his (attempted) immorality to the woman when Cary is the gossip topic du jour. An equal opportunity reputation-smearer, she was. :)
I didn't get why Cary would dump Ron so fast after the initial reactions by the children and neighbors, though. Surely her reputation was already ruined. Not marrying Ron wouldn't stop people from salacious speculations about her love life, nor from repeating the rumor that she was cheating with him before her husband's death. And being single again would leave her even more vulnerable to overconfident passes by the Howard types. So why not continue the liaison awhile and wait for her kids to calm down, instead of forcing a choice? Ridiculous.
Ultimately I think I'd have enjoyed the film more if the people weren't such caricatures. Ron's totally angelic, the kids are for the most part selfish little snobs, and the gossipy, shallow, money-obsessed townspeople (other than the doctor and her best friend) are completely unworthy of one moment of her concern.
But then, if it weren't all so simplified, we wouldn't have that magnificently over-the-top ironic moment when her son proudly shows her the utterly unwanted TV he's bought her as a Christmas present, so she'll have the chance to watch lots of other people's lives, now that she has none of her own....
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