MovieChat Forums > General Discussion > Which is it?

Which is it?

posted 7 years ago by godewey (16472)
102 replies | jump to latest

I'm old school.
I still open doors for women, pull out chairs, help carry bags or a purse etc....
That's the way I was brought up and that's just what I do.
I also hold the door for men and help people in general. It's not just women.

A few months ago I held a door open for a woman and she told me
"I have two hands you know, asshole"
I was taken back a bit.

Is Chivalry dead? Does it exist anymore or is it sexist?
I'm sure the answers will depend on what age you are.

Where does it start and end?
Is it ok to open a door but is it expected that the men shovel the driveway and mow the
lawn?
Is everything men do for women sexist?
Do I need to rethink what I do?

I had never had anybody challenge me on opening a door so I really am curious
as to what the "modern" way of thinking is.

[–] thewaitress (1616) 7 years ago

I always say thank you for anyone that takes the time to help me with my bags, hold the door open for me, etc. Its a simple, small gesture that speaks volumes.

Women today are hellbent on making sure EVERY man knows I don't need you. I don't want you. If I ever decide I need or want you, I'll let you know. You can hand your paycheck over to me and remember to not speak unless you are spoken to. Women today want nothing but power and money. (Not all women of course, but most)

I would keep being yourself though. I appreciate people who do those things still and I know some other people do too.

[–] godewey (16472) 7 years ago

That's really all it is, just a gesture.
Do unto others and all that.

It's been called chivalry but that isn't really what it is. It's just straight up kindness.
Kindness and compassion for others. If we lose that in ourselves then what do have left?

[–] Renovatio (2990) 7 years ago

"Apparently" you behaved in gendered and sexist way... You were mirco-aggressive... This is according to the new ideology that is being promoted in some intellectual and psuedo progressive circles that are too concerned with gender and identity politics... it is absurd to think this way, yet it is discussed as if it is an evolved way of being...

Don't pay them much attention.. Just keep being you and continue to be curteous... The only way this new absurd ideology will take hold of people's behaviour is if men stop opening doors and such...

This particular behaviour was satirised masterfully in a recent movie, Roman J. Israel ESQ... A highly underrated film starring Denzel Washington as an attorney with a civil rights background and interest. In one scene he is accused by young female activists of being "gendered and sexist" for suggesting that some of the men might offer their chairs for the young women to sit... I think he even called them 'sisters' in the language of civil rights solidarity, which added to their indignation... Brilliant scene, as they were all there to learn from him about how to succeed in changing the law in a positive way, yet they were too blind by their ideology and narrow minded, surface thinking...

It's an excellent movie... Worth checking out

[–] godewey (16472) 7 years ago

I get that some men will do these kinds of things with the thoughts of they must because
women are "weaker." Most of those men will also not hide their feelings about the subject.
Makes you wonder what happens when these people start to have families and teaching these
principles to their kids.

Funny you mentioned that movie. I had never heard of it until a couple days ago.
I somehow came across it and have added to my list.

[–] MissMargoChanning (6630) 7 years ago

I think it's sad that anyone could be so rude when someone actually holds a door open for them....
Sure. A person has two hands. That is still no reason to point it out and call a gentleman an ASSHOLE.
I am a lady and when I am walking into a place of business, I always hold the door open to those folks who are walking in behind me or ahead of me. I'm a lady!

[–] godewey (16472) 7 years ago

I've had many people, men and women hold the door for me.
Some may be rude and not acknowledge it but never like this.

After finding out it's a real way of thinking I couldn't believe it.
It never in a million years would have occurred to me to look at it like that.

[–] [deleted] 7 years ago

I hold the door for anyone, male or female.
It's just good manners.

[–] godewey (16472) 7 years ago

When it comes down to it that's ALL it is just plain good manners.
No ulterior motives just being kind and courteous.

[–] MissMargoChanning (6630) 7 years ago

Exactly! Why be an asshole?

[–] lennonforever (2453) 7 years ago

I like to be treated well, so, I say, keep it up godeway.

[–] godewey (16472) 7 years ago

I think most people do.

Kind of a sad state of affairs when being kind and having manners come with a negative label.

[–] lennonforever (2453) 7 years ago

Absolutely right. The US has become MUCH TOO "PC" for my liking! I'm sick of it. The pendulum has swung wayyyyyy to far in on direction.

[–] godewey (16472) 7 years ago

So true.

I could have one opinion and offend 36 different groups of people.
What's next? I mean where are we in 30 years.

[–] kspkap (13570) 7 years ago

I’ll be gone...no more than a blip in history. In a way I think I’m grateful I won’t be here. It grieves me to see what our country has become. Way too PC. Men nowadays aren’t sure how to treat a woman, whether to open or hold a door open, whether to give up their seat, whether to compliment a woman for fear of being called “You sexist pig!” As for me I always enjoyed being looked upon as a woman who may have stirred a little something in the guy.

We don’t have to wait 30 years to become gender neutral....it’s here. We no longer have the “Boy” Scouts! Apparently the organization prefers, at the behest of those who don’t know what they are, to be gender neutral. The group will now be The Boy/Girl/It Scouts! Good Grief! Aren’t they aware no matter how they feel, how they dress, how they change into the “other”,.... they are are still what their chromosomes say they are...be it male or female!

[–] ShogunofYonkers (77997) 7 years ago

I love your posts
You often post about your age but you have a fine energy about you
There is nobody thats a 'cooler kid'

You brighten this lovely place and i adore you

Please, lets not speak of mortality...people like you are TOO important to lose❤️
People like US dont go away!!

As far as the boys are concerned, i am one...im a 45 year old boy lol...and im never getting any older;)

This business about 'genders' and such will be sorted out by good people like you and I... It takes a real Cool Hand to rule the world but the best of us are always working at it...right?

Peace, Love and Respect to you
We got this

[–] kspkap (13570) 7 years ago

Thank you Shogie for your kind words. I have to admit my heart ❤️ did a pitter patter as if I was 45 again! Wasn’t it just yesterday? I still turned heads from the guys and I enjoyed doing so...even younger guys in their twenties. I’ve always said my husband gave up trying to tame me!

This is the way it was meant to be...from an old song “A Man Chases A Girl Until She Catches Him”. It came out when I was a young girl, but I couldn’t understand the meaning of those words. My aunts laughed when I questioned the song. Their response? “We can’t explain it to you. Your young mind isn’t able to grasp the meaning, but someday soon you will understand.” And sure enough when it was time I understood the words. I hope ya’ll understand I’m referring to the pheromones doing their thing and not an evil harassment, stalking situation. No way! No how!

[–] ShogunofYonkers (77997) 7 years ago

Oh you never have to explain...
You are so sweet:)

Only a fool couldnt see what a sweet girl you are

Im very glad to know you and enjoy your fun company-
lets keep on having fun on MC together

You are really fun and cool
Thank You

[–] kspkap (13570) 7 years ago

A classmate of my husband’s sent this to him. The jitterbug was a little before us. We were the Bop and the beginning Elvis🕺 generation.

When we reach this age all we have are memories. As she wrote:

“I watched and immediately had to take a nap because it "wore" me out. My knees were bouncing, feet stomping & fingers were snapping along with the music on this video.
Now, while I imagined myself to be as young and energized as the young people dancing, reality hit as it was bound to do and it saddened me to once again realize that my "jitterbugging" days have passed. Anyway, let your imagination take you back in time and enjoy a visit to our past life and live vicariously for a brief moment.

Enjoy, and watch those guys move! Their legs are like rubber!
“THIS IS WHY EXERCISE GYMS WERE NOT NEEDED IN THE 50s and 60'S ......”

https://www.youtube.com/embed/sq--8HXYjnc

[–] GlenEllyn (21592) 7 years ago

“THIS IS WHY EXERCISE GYMS WERE NOT NEEDED IN THE 50s and 60'S ......”

Ain't that the truth!

Technology can be great, but it also means we're not expending as much energy as we used to. Add to that the fact that we're being fed mostly junk food, well...no wonder so many of us are overweight.

[–] GlenEllyn (21592) 7 years ago

It irritates me no end that common courtesy seems to have disappeared. It's not some kind of statement to simply hold the door for someone, (male or female) but I'm SO tired of women taking offense at a simple act of courtesy! I still hold the door for others, but I'm female so I don't have to deal with what you experienced. What the heck is wrong with people nowadays?? It seems like everyone wants their 15 minutes of outrage.

I'm SO tired of conspiracy theories, agendas, and political correctness. Politics today make me want to puke. Why is seemingly everyone so angry and outraged these days at such minor things?

Keep doing what you're doing, Dewey. In spite of what some people think, it's admirable to be a gentleman such as you. Keep doing what you're doing and screw those who take umbrage. We need more folks like you. Lead by example and maybe, someday, things will get better.

[–] godewey (16472) 7 years ago

Seems like you're not "cool" unless you're angry at something somebody said nowadays.

Most of the time they don't even know they're angry until somebody tells them they should be.

Always try to lead by example. The only person I need to impress is me.
Life's way to short to be angry all the time.

[–] GlenEllyn (21592) 7 years ago

Life's way to short to be angry all the time.

That's the truth! Every minute you're angry is a moment of happiness you'll never get back..

[–] godewey (16472) 7 years ago

Plenty of stuff in our life happens that we can't control.
Why add too it.

[–] GlenEllyn (21592) 7 years ago

So true!

[–] Catbookss (13664) 7 years ago

Before I say anything else, DEWWWWWWWEY, WELCOME BACK!!!!! I'm so happy to see you posting again!!!

❤️❤️❤️❤️

As far as your OP, I'm shocked any woman would respond that way, now, in 2018. Way back in the early days of feminism, I heard about some women who overreacted that way. Never knew any, but heard of them. It's not a "modern" way of thinking at all

, so pay it no mind, same as you would any other angry, grumpy person who reacted in a silly manner.

I too hold open doors for everyone, regardless of gender, or age.

I also used to unlock the passenger door for everyone, if I were driving, before unlocking my driver's door. You know, back in the days before keyless cars and when we had to unlock the doors one by one.

It's just common courtesy. No need for anyone to read anything more -- let alone negative -- into it.

[–] godewey (16472) 7 years ago

So great to hear from you and to be back!

Summer's here and the time is right
For dancing in the street.
They're posting on MC.....

It was just an odd situation. Then to find out that people out there really have this way of thinking.
Nothing we can do but be who we are.