In general, if I, a Russian born, England mostly lived in 31 year old male fella, was to emigrate and live in America, what would life be like for me THERE, would I enjoy it and what DO I need to generally know and think about being there, as in, what to do and what not to do there?
shareBy the way ladies and gentlemen, please do NOT take this question to heart, nor try and speak TOO much about the actual topic, sensitive as it may indeed be in its original form but...
I have read several times on Russian forums that to offer a lady a seat on a bus or train or other form of public transport is likely to be considered "sexual harassment" and even more than that, a woman can press charges against any man to do this, same if he were to state how "beautiful" she looks and whatnot, the questions I have is...
OK, first of all, is that REALLY true and why? And the law as well as the general CIVILIZED (as in, not evil OR ignorant) public thinks along THOSE LINES and has no problem with it? And if true, why would women feel THIS way about someone offering them a seat on a bus or a train or making a compliment about looks? Or is it a total lie as in, offering a seat and making a compliment of that variety doesn't constitute it at all? So us Russians have what completely misinterpreted it and made it UP? (I could ask another philosophical question such as if that is true and people feel this way, does that mean they HAVE to feel this way and are CORRECT to do so but I'll spare you all the thoughtful agony.)
(Just reply please to that side of the question, thanks.)
And on a related but different note, do Americans really like Fast Food and MacDonalds too much? And are most Americans highly capitalistic? Are they greedy? Or mostly very nice?
P.S. I wanted to talk about American strip clubs one day but I'll have to ask all your consent for it and be sure you won't be too prudish or offended, before I do so, thanks.
(With references to films like "Showgirls" (1995), "Forbidden Sins" (1998), "Strip Show", shows like G-String Divas etc if that's alright, then again, I bet REAL LIFE IN strip clubs in America IS different in some or other ways than in how it is portrayed in those mostly fictional movies, and in REAL life, unlike in a movie like "Forbidden Sins" (1998), you as a man can't hook up with a lady stripper like that and get together in bed and enjoy yourselves, right?)
shareAbout the fast food: yes, Americans love fast food way too much.
And yes, capitalism is a dogmatic belief for most Americans. At heart, both Republicans and Democrats seem to believe the free market will save us all. Greed is rebranded as ambition and is perceived as a positive trait. There are a few subcultures that reject it.
I don't think any mentally-well woman would take offense at being offered a seat on public transportation. It's perfectly legal to offer someone else your seat.
I've shared your questions with my sister and will post her reply when I get it. Unfortunately, complimenting women's beauty *is* a risk zone in American culture and I suspect her answer would be more helpful to you than mine.
Okay, got my sister's responses to your questions:
"Most Americans are very nice. Most women would be impressed and humbled to be given your seat. Calling a woman beautiful can be perfectly acceptable if you are in a social setting. In the workplace it could be considered inappropriate."
(I prompted her to explain a bit more because, in my experience, it's not culturally okay in America for a man to approach a woman with a compliment on her beauty unless it's in a context where people are specifically looking for a dating partner or where long-standing tradition dictates the occasion makes it acceptable to approach someone you're romantically interested in. And she agreed....)
So she added: "It is common in social settings of dating age people. It's a way for a man to show he has interest in a woman. Not in random public places. Only ok in socializing situations like you said."
Man, I don't want you accidentally tripping on American customs if you come here, so I feel like I have to explain more than my sister did: in general, you can't compliment a romantically-attached woman on her beauty *at all* unless you are either under the age of 10 or so elderly that there's no chance it could be mistaken for flirtation. And unless you are disarmingly charming, you can't compliment a woman you don't know unless it's at a bar, party, or wedding. Then again, my uncle met his (gorgeous) wife by approaching her at a food court at a mall. If you're wealthy, fit, and a great socializer like he is, you can break the rules and have no problem.
You can get fired from a job for complimenting a woman (or a man, for that matter) if it's unwelcome, but this is different from it being an offense where you could get arrested and put in jail. And I think most companies have a policy where a compliment can happen *once* without it being a problem, but if the complimentee tells you it's unwelcome and you do it again, that's when you can lose your job.
At the opposite end of the spectrum and very much a part of life in 21st century America, are those on the internet fishing for ego-strokes, which it's replete with. And then there are those who indulge in cajolery in order to manipulate.
shareHmmm... if you're suggesting that the original poster is not actually a Russian gentleman, but is just adopting a persona temporarily and mocking the current state of American sexual politics.... yup. You're probably 100% right.
Hehe. My bad. I need to be a little less credulous. Thanks db. There are a lot of Russian immigrants in my area and they struggle with our norms. I was feeling really sorry for him because I honestly think America's fairly miserable for the majority of Russian immigrants. I was tempted to tell him "You'll probably hate this place and you probably shouldn't come here," but I feared that would just sound hateful and rude.
I feel bad for everyone, male and female alike, who has to deal with current American sexual politics.
Also, but is it REALLY fair and acceptable to lose one's job over it, I mean, how is a person supposed to feed themselves if they are struggling to meet expenses etc? Is it a little like getting permanently excluded from school over bullying or something?
shareNo. The current state of things isn't fair and acceptable. There are dozens of unjust rules typical workers put up with in order to stay employed. And it's not just--or even mostly--sexual politics. I've seen changes regarding breaks, sick leave, yearly evaluations, and limiting free speech during non-work hours at my workplace in the last half decade that are asinine and counter to basic decency. The changes inconvenience supervisors and workers alike and make the organization less agile, but state law commands it.
Back to sexual politics. It's a mess. We've created an atmosphere in which even people of abiding goodwill feel defensive and hostile about the state of things. I think most sane people of both sexes would realistically agree on 95% of issues if they could actually discuss them. But the people who have championed many of the regulations we're operating under are *not* part of the calm group of souls with mutual goodwill, so we have a system that almost assumes antagonism and creates defensiveness by default.
Man, I have no solution. Of course I don't want anyone to lose their job over unwanted flirting at work. (Thankfully, I've never seen that happen.) If *I* were in charge, I'd trust consenting, sane adults to work that particular issue out on their own and only come to HR if they couldn't find a solution.
I'm curious what you would do in this situation: a developmentally quirky guy works closely with a woman with a sensitive personality. He flirts with her though she's told him to stop repeatedly. It drives her nuts. He flirts with other women workers and it doesn't bother them because they understand he's slow/different. What would you do? For the record, I don't have a good answer, but I sure wouldn't let him go.
Depends on where you live. What your motivations are. Unless you are well off, moneywise
shareDetroit is nice this time of year, very safe,
if you drive an armed tank
I for one believe that generally Russia STILL hasn't recovered from the aftermaths and after effects of the Cold War with the USA since all those decades back.
shareFor EVERYONE'S information, I am actually very shy with women, especially gorgeous ones, and I rarely if ever compliment them like that on their looks and because I often keep myself to myself for the MOST part these days, except with family and whatnot, and online for that matter, I rarely even offer them seats or presents or anything like that, minus some exceptions here and there, so if they see me, I'll have nothing to worry about, right?
And I take it although there may be SOME truth to what Mr Expert over here has said, we Russians, especially since (unfortunately) we often have this tradition of speaking negatively against America in general, happen to blow it out of proportion, correct?
(By the way, unlike in America, we in Russia actually don't have "feminism" in its traditional sense and many people don't really see that much of a problem with it, even if there are general problems with which feminism does tend to generally fight against.)
I also sometimes wonder a lot about TALENTED rule breakers that lose their job which pays a lot of money - and in America, it seems there may be a lot of them abound.