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El Camino AKA a 2 hour long Breaking Bad episode - REVIEW

posted 5 years ago by uraharakisuke (85)
19 replies | jump to latest

SPOILERS

-so this film is 2 hours of fat head jesse
-moping about like a bitch all because he got caged for a like a week or something
-so what man you got caged
-not the worst thing in the world
-its not like you got caged and then someone fingered your bum
-now that would justify 2 hours of moping
-so el camino is the sequel to breaking bad
-but without the most interesting characters
-instead we get meathead jesse
-so breaking bad ends with jesse driving away from the nazis
-after escaping from captivity
-and we finally see a bit of good happen to him
-relative to being caged anyway
-and walts dead
-and the nazis are dead
-but jesse is free
-and we assume he gets away or something
-doesnt really matter
-so this sequel picks up from this moment
-and spends the next two hours
-going on a meandering journey for our fat head hero jesse
-beginning with him on the run escaping from captivity
-and ending with him
-still on the run
-but he's like all cold now
-not emotionally
-but like he's driving in snow
-and he has a fake identity
-but still has the same fat fucking face
-"but ura no one will recognise the guy responsible for the largest meth conspiracy in american history"
-"unless they watch the news idk"
-fucking brilliant
-on the way jesse meets his idiot friends
-who do nothing really
-then we're treated to a half hour flash back
-about todd
-and all we get out of it
-is that todd hid some money
-and that he's a fucking loon
-so cut back to modern day jesse
-who finds the money
-then tries to spend the money
-but needs more money
-so gets more money
-then spends the money so he can keep driving away
-this is the plot of this film
-nothing fucking happens in this film
-its full of breaking bad references
-as if we forgot we're watching a sequel to that fucking show
-like they're like "hey guys remember breaking bad? lol"
-and im like "uhhhh yeah of course why else would i be watching this trash?"
-i mean take the film as a stand alone piece of cinema
-the pacing is all over the place
-like the cinematic equivalent of watching a girl with MS walk past you
-and you're like staring but trying not to let her see you're staring
-and you consider yourself progressive and kind and all that
-but you're captivated and horrified in equal measure
-as you see this lumbering monstrosity zig-zag her way past you
-and next time you're in a social gathering
-you tell everyone you're for gay marriage and shit
-and they all think you're a nice guy
-but deep down you know you're a bit of a prick
-and deep down you know el camino is a bit shit
-and a complete and utter waste of 2 hours
6/10

[–] JimR0719 (70) 5 years ago

yeah, i consider this just 2 more episodes of BB, if someone tried to watch this without having watched the series, it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense.

[–] uraharakisuke (85) 5 years ago

This is very true Jim. It would make very little sense to the poor sod watching this with no previous knowledge of the Breaking Bad.

[–] TaRaNRoD (1579) 5 years ago

I THInk it was meant for the fans of the series, not like a stand alone movie. I must agree that, even though I'm a fan of Breaking Bad, I had a little problem with that because a movie is supposed to be able to support itself without the need of seeing everything that preceded. That being said, I enjoyed the movie nevertheless.

[–] tsrts (407) 5 years ago

hmmmm....errm... his head is fat?

[–] uraharakisuke (85) 5 years ago

yeah like a donut

[–] tsrts (407) 5 years ago

then you must mean that he's "phat" yo!

[–] dmac8 (5050) 5 years ago

it just looks that way b/c of his hair loss since BB ended

[–] exatera (3959) 5 years ago

Lol, I'd be too lazy to write it out like that, but yeah, pretty spot on. 😊

[–] uraharakisuke (85) 5 years ago

Thank you for your honesty, your comment and your emoji.

[–] AnubisRaydeen (7897) 5 years ago

OP's opinions: 6/10
OP's format: 1/10
El Camino: 7.5/10 but less if considered anything more than just an extra few episodes.

[–] uraharakisuke (85) 5 years ago

how dare you

[–] TaRaNRoD (1579) 5 years ago

Lol, this is funny. Still, OP does make some good points.

[–] AnubisRaydeen (7897) 5 years ago

I agree. Thus the 6/10 and not 0/10. The bullet point format is forced and does nothing other than disguise a run-on sentence.

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

If you gave it 6/10, it means you liked it, because 6 is above the average & means good.
I gave it 4/10, because I think this movie was bad, not the average, not the worst, just bad. It was too long, too dull and plot was nothing - Jesse wanted to go to Alaska. That was whole plot. Very slow pacing, prolonged boring movie with uninteresting plot.

[–] uraharakisuke (85) 5 years ago

You make a good point ditendra!

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

whilst your unorthodox semi bullet point system is unusual, im willing to give it a go but:
-then we're treated to a half hour flash back
-about todd
-and all we get out of it
-is that todd hid some money
-and that he's a fucking loon

That is just one bullet point surely?
by breaking that into 5 it mnakes it look like you just ran through the text hitting - and return at random points.

[–] uraharakisuke (85) 5 years ago

haha yes mark you raise a good (bullet) point about the proper use of bullet points
-however
-the way i use them is to reinforce
-the moments of pause
-in a sentence
-to emphasize a point of humour
-or merely to allow for me to write down
-all the drivel that comes out my brain stuff
-as i write very quickly in a stream of consciousness way

It's not proper, it's not right, but life being the variety of spice and all that.

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

makes you sound like the disabled boy from South Park!

[–] brux (14730) 5 years ago

That is a terrible review on just so many levels.
Anyway, I get it, you don't like it.
I thought it was good and fitting with the show.