Thanks for kicking this off, THEORIGINAL. #2, 5, 14, and 15 are especially hilarious to me.
24. When on trial for something you said, it's not necessary for anyone to cite applicable law, policy, or the exact verbiage and context.
25. U.S. courts are amazingly efficient. One trial can decide not only that you were teachin', not preachin', but that it's your right to speak about your faith anywhere, anytime ... Jesus was real ... we know what he said ... and, best of all, God's Not Dead (for the second time).
26. Jesus is touchable.
27. The teacher is quiet during a test.
28. Witnesses in a trial can show up at any time, announce that they want to speak, and, if no one objects, get on the stand.
29. A loner Asian guy with an Asian accent, a studious nature, and an Asian father from the old country who disapproves of, and disowns, the son because he dishonored the family whatever is definitely not a stereotype.
30. A black judge with a short fuse and a penchant for banging his gavel is also NOT a stereotype.
31. As a trial attorney, dress however you like during trial, but for Summary be sure to put on the three-piece.
32. Christian protestors are calm, quiet, mostly attractive young women. Anti-God protestors are noisy, potentially violent, and not so good looking.
33. Pat Boone is still alive.
34. Is that Robin Givens underrated or what!?
35. Mean, fat, anti-God, sermon-checking government agents love to eat messy ribs at their desks.
36. If your cancer abates, surely it is the work of Jesus.
37. The verdict at the end of a civil trial is expressed simply as "in favor of" (the defendant). No details necessary.
38. There is a war between the powers of this world and the spiritual forces of the Heavenly realm. Don't deny it.
39. You can sue on behalf of a minor because you are offended by a reference, in a history class, by a history teacher (responding to a question/comparison from a history student), to a quote from one of the world's most famous historical texts.
40. To "love your enemies and pray for them" is exactly the same as promoting nonviolence.
41. Being a hip, young, outspoken pastor is not compatible with washing, combing, or styling your hair -- or shaving.
Martha Washington was a hip, hip, hip lady, man.
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barrybater2001
8 years ago
42. Well-known Christian authors such as Lee Stroebel and J. Warner Wallace can be subpoenaed on zero notice and will happily travel from wherever they happen to reside to wherever your trial happens to be taking place to testify for a few brief moments on your behalf.
43. Experienced, seasoned attorneys with the resources of the ACLU behind them not only won't see #42 coming, but they won't ever subpoena their OWN subject matter experts to offset the testimonies of the aforementioned witnesses.
44. If you're ever an attorney in a case that you appear to be losing, bet it all on a high-risk-theatrics gambit that assumes multiple variables-- from the judge allowing contempt to every member of the jury reacting in the exact way that you need-- in order for it to succeed.
45. The Newsboys often give big concerts during weekdays, at approximately the same time legal trials are being conducted.
46. If a couple is on one side of a legal dispute and their teenage daughter is on the other side-- even if the daughter's well-being is ostensibly the nexus of the entire dispute--, that couple will never discuss the matter with the daughter, or indeed seem to have any interaction or role in the daughter's life whatsoever; she will be able to come and go from the courthouse at her leisure, even going so far as to disrupt the trial with outbursts, and it will almost seem like the parents have no control or interest in her life at all, as they'll be too busy brooding silently behind the plaintiff's table.
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(My film) is going to be so much bigger than anyone is predicting right now. -Tucker Max
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huckfunn
8 years ago
Well done, barrybater. As for #42, I think the filmmakers want us to (reasonably) assume that the trial received significant media attention, and that we're viewing an abridged version of it, so that the defense would have had the time (and, somehow, the resources) to attract "expert" witnesses, who spoke for longer than shown on screen.
But, yeah, the ACLU would for sure have known in advance what witnesses the Defense was using, and provided its own.
You think there might be a little bias in the film's producers?
How's this for #47?: Talented actress Melissa Joan Hart has myriad emotive facial expressions, but chose only two for the film: Distressed and Really Distressed.
Martha Washington was a hip, hip, hip lady, man.
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nelson8905
8 years ago
48. If you are going to sue someone in a separation of church and state constitutional lawsuit, make sure you sue the individual teacher instead of the school board.
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