MovieChat Forums > You're the Worst (2014) Discussion > Come on Jimmy,you seem too smarty pantsy...

Come on Jimmy,you seem too smarty pantsy,cultured,knowledgeable to be

posted 9 years ago by sexandthechitty
7 replies | jump to latest

THIS IGNORANT & DUMB ABOUT GRETCHEN'S ( OR ANYONES) STRUGGLE WITH DEPRESSION ( OR ANY MENTAL ILLNESS)

totally get IT. I get his deal, his vibe....right now he TOTALLY needs the girlfriend who will listen, be patient, hold him, let him get his feelings out AND FINALLY BE HEARD! esp since he has been bottling up for so long. & then he's only met with what seems like a total uncaring indifferent b!tch Gretchenof the fact neither one of them are very sentimental/emotional who likes to "share" raw emotion or details of their life but as he is finally ready to burst..... it must be a BUMMER CITY that Gretchens depression is hard hitting now. I know its not fun to be around someone who is in the throws of suffering from mental illness.

I know because I am one of them. Severe depression, bipolar disorder adhd/ocd- not sh!ttin you. Things are good when Im well and doing fine on my treatment regime but as we grow older our brain chemicals change with the disease and Ive finally accepted that my mood swings, being a less than desirable candidate to be in the company of and people can mistake it as being debbie downer or manic macy or whatever mood one is in.

But its important for everyone to know that as much as you think people with mental health symptoms can just "snap out of it" as if its just a sadness..... we can't. we've tried. Its not Gretchens fault and the hard part is that SHE KNOWS SHE IS LETTING JIMMY DOWN so whenever we are feeling our loved ones/care takers or irrtated with us, frustrated, annoyed....we know this and it BREAKS OUR HEART and it only makes us feel so guilty...which in return can add a deeper layer of whatever it is we are in. Like when Im having a panic attack I feel I cant share it my family because all im met with is "ugh calm down" "stop it" "get over it everyone has bad days" or whatever cliche thing and immediately I feel rejected, I have no comfort or support just someone to hold my hand and say "its ok IM HERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT JUST BREATH".... because in those moments whether its a panic attack or mood swing or Gretchens severe depression when we are met with that indifference....WE are the ones who need HELP. we cant do the things you want us to do and hearing people say that just makes our symptoms so much worse. so now not only are they NOT A HELP...they've become a HURDLE for us. So usually when im suffering im looking around for someone to help me get by these moments but yet I dont want to be met with that response that they are sick and tired of my symptoms because I it immediately puts me in a dark place, after so much guilt and not wanting to be a burder that makes the illness worse and only heightens a potential suicide risk.

Anyway, sorry about that..... what I really wanted to emphasize is that Jimmy seems smart enough to know a little bit about Depression and that Gretchen cannot just simply snap out of it because he made a great Sunday Funday or be there for you when you need her...its tough..... but if he doesnt know.... all loved ones who have someone suffering from mental illness, the kindest thing you can do for them is do a little research on your own, learn about it so you can relate a little bit, learn what to do in case of severe cases or episodes and what NOT to say or do to make an already sensitive situation already bad to worse. Jimmys taking total offense and kinda blaming gretchen when she doesnt even have the ENERGY or healthy mind to make him understand this.... this is how debilitating it can be. I got dreadlocks from not brushing my hair and had to put my whole mouth asleep to get my teeth cleaned because I didnt brush them or take care of them for a little while and I got gum disease, cavities galore, sensitive teeth so bad that touching my brush to my tooth its goes ZING ZING ZING!!! - it really sucks because WE WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU!!! but we also have to be kind to ourselves and resign to the fact that we didnt choose this. The disease takes over when it does and we have little control over that. Jimmys seems too much like a mr know it all to totally be a moron on the abc's of mental illness.... he is a writer too! ( as I am ..most bonkers people with mental illness have INTENSE CREATIVE ENERGY

[–] justanicknamed 9 years ago

What medications is she on?

[–] tutucute0404 9 years ago

I agree. I think that even without understanding the disease, there should be more understanding on his part. Or at least acknowledging that something is very wrong. At the same time, the show is called You're the Worst. Gretchen and Jimmy are extremely selfish people who managed to find each other and are now still extremely selfish people who care about one another. I don't think that Jimmy is acting out of character. I don't think that he knows how to deal with Gretchen, he's viewing her as a problem that he tried to fix, he failed, and he doesn't know what to do about it. He's going back to his selfish ways because when he tried to be selfless and help Gretchen, she didn't get better. It's sad to see, but it definitely happens.

[–] justanicknamed 9 years ago

That's actually a HUGE problem with this season, IMO. They've been nothing but cr$p until now. Jimmy isn't known for being that deep or caring, but now he has to try to be sensitive to Gretchen's needs.

And, are we supposed to feel bad for her? If she knows she's got actual problems, what medications is she on? If she's on something, then she should know not to take illegal drugs and get drunk all of the time. If she's not on something, why should we care?

His question was valid. "Can't or won't?" Because he can't help her and if she won't get help then there is no reason for him to stick around.

[–] shes_hollywood 9 years ago

I hate when ONE person with mental "illness" fancies themselves the spokesperson for The Cause.

I'm single, by choice, because I ride the manic depressive waves and feel guilty about taxing my current emotional support system. Amongst other reasons, I think it's unfair to be in romantic relationships when you don't know how to manage your symptoms or maintain functional when they surface. Obvi, Jimmy's going through a lot too; functional relationships are not about one parasite sucking it's host organism dry. Depression is The MOST egocentric mind spiral, focusing on much else is nearly impossible.

It's kinda BS to expect a partner (read: not mental health care provider) to understand/empathize, wait around, or "rescue" you when they've got their own life stress to deal with. Romantic relationships are voluntary, why pull a more 'stable' soul down to the depths just because you're drowning?

TL;DR: if you're unwell, don't get into relationships. And if you MUST, go for someone who knows what you're going through or has experienced/is experiencing themselves. idk why emotional vampires feel like EVERYONE should have to put up with them...

Spoiler alert: they don't!

[–] sexandthechitty 9 years ago

I hate when ONE person with mental "illness" fancies themselves the spokesperson for The Cause.

who is this one person with mental illness that claimed to be the spokesperson for the cause? because I dont think there can be. everyones case is different, but sharing experiences can help or alleviate someones fear of being alone in this.

my opinions:
I CAN Relate 100 % with your feelings about people getting into relationships while knowing they are currently suffering from a mental illness and have failed to sort any of it out and get treated. and if you are bipolar like I am ( i think thats what you are saying here) then you know the guilt/frustration one has thinking you are putting your symptoms/problems upon others and dragging them down in everyday basic life to the people I didnt volunteer to be in my life (family/work plus already established friends from childhood, etc). So much that I too have refused to be in a relationship until I feel "healthy and normal" and can give back in return what they deserve and experiencing longterm stability.after having serious relationships back to back to back until the age of 24, that is when I made this pact. I am 34 now. Over 10 years I've declined offers and been emotionally guarded if I started having feelings of any kind about anyone. How can I love someone else when I dont love myself? or havent found the ultimate perfect CORRECT treatment plan for this mess? Then I realized if I am the judge of just how healthy, stable, happy I am to be before I allow a date again, this pact will probably go on until the day I die.No living or experiencing for me because I labeled myself damaged and decided no one can handle it or deserves to handle it. Life not lived, at all.I am my own worst enemy and critic and I will never feel "just right". I realized my whole life will pass me and bc of my own stigma, the wall will be up indefinitely, deemed too broken and defective to participate,regardless of anyone elses say. that doesnt really seem "noble" but stubborn and stinks of jack@ssery.

I actually felt the disgust on how mental illness can seem like such a egocentric/selfish disease and I was determined to be as SELFLESS as possible by not making someone "deal with my sh!t" or "save me" and BY NOT HAVING KIDS. I feel I am doing society a favor. I am scared to pass the genes and would never wish this on anyone and here I would purposely give a living being a chance to live with this illness and I knew about it beforehand? that sounds insane in itself, I felt that I would be putting my purpose in life first to have a child and be d@mned if the child suffers a painful mind *beep* Plus I am well aware that having a child would be hard for someone like me so why put the child in a position it doesnt deserve? why should I have to put this on taxpayers and strangers to possibly take care of the mess I started? I wouldnt do that to a child, just as I THOUGHT i was doing for people by refusing getting into a relationship.

But after these years, I've realized my way of thinking about relationships/kids, family, etc was black and white when mental illness and its place in life and society is beyond complex. it means yeah I shouldnt purposely invite people into my life because with this way of thinking in itself means I have a long way to go mentally. throughout the years it was the OTHER people - the old and the new that I gave very little too only because of circumstances ( school/work etc) that ended up following me and chasing me down and demanded to let them in and be here for me and each time it was very difficult. I put my phone away, ignored texts, didnt even read them because i didnt want to process any feelings of guilt, changed my number, never answered emails, hid when they pounded on my door. I wanted to save them from my random madness, I am being selfless! But when they got through to me they let me know how selfish it was, too.they were trying to tell me this is LIFE. as much as its noble for people to not want to have other people put up with our mess or sending the message out that HEY GUESS WHAT PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS DONT DESERVE ROMANCE, LOVE, MARRIAGE, CHILDREN, THE NORMAL THINGS WELL PEOPLE CAN HAVE BECAUSE IT WOULD BE EGOTISTICAL OF US! and that is not fair also. And I've had many people who ive wanted to save from my mood swings /being unwell and they are the ones WHO PRIED ME OPEN and made me understand that they WANT to be in my life.... and they enjoy me and miss me and they WANT to help me be stable and be able to ENJOY LIFE TO THE FULLEST THAT I CAN GET IT TOO...regardless of my "illness" there are people who would give away a perfect/stress free/no hassle life for a complicated/messy/imperfect because they love the particular human connection they made and they value their relationships and with their life being pristine, issue free- its empty.

yeahI feel its unfair for ill people to start relationships while they are unwell , hide it from them or expect someone to "save them" because that wont ever be . if they are too immature to recognize their illness and address it, they have no business being in a relationship because its false advertisement. they could never give back what their partner can give and everyone deserves that honesty. but if they are in a position to where they've found their treatment and can stabilize their life and are upfront about it- those people deserve a chance to accept love without worrying that they are being selfish by doing so. Because they didnt choose the illness itself but they can choose how they respond and take care of it. sh!t happens. No one can get into a *beep* and expect it to be perfect. So someone with mental illness who struggles is going to withdraw themselves from society because they know what they'd put upon others. Would we expect or do that with people with cancer? diabetes? Heart disease? because its all the same. 2 people could forge a relationship and share a life and one of them could get ill. just like that. So thats grounds for the other person to just bounce? Yes people have a right to, but it should be up to them and the circumstance. I think we should let other people decide how much of themselves they want to give and theres nothing wrong with having it. This is the human condition here. I WANT to meet it half way. I am still am deathly afraid of loading my struggles on to someone elses plate, but thats how I seeing it and dealing with it.
black and white thinking has got to go. there is a middle ground, I think. No one should expect someone else to give up their life and dreams to "take care of a mentally ill" person. but there should be room allowed to let others understand and know your truth and let them decide for themselves what they want to sacrifice if they feel thats the way they want their life to go. Its on ME whether or not I want to believe it, be comfortable with it and accept it and let them be around without feeling selfish or guilt.

[–] Grothendieck_s_Pocket_Healer 9 years ago

I got dreadlocks from not brushing my hair and had to put my whole mouth asleep to get my teeth cleaned because I didnt brush them or take care of them for a little while and I got gum disease, cavities galore, sensitive teeth so bad that touching my brush to my tooth its goes ZING ZING ZING!!!

reading this makes me depressed.

"Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
- Winnie the Pooh

[–] monkeyalien 9 years ago

I understand Jimmy's desire to "fix" Gretchen. It's obvious that he has never dealt with anything like severe depression or some who is manic or bipolar so he doesn't know what to do or not do. He's obviously not the most empathetic, sympathetic, or caring type, but he cares about Gretchen to some extent so I'd expect him a learned man like him to do research. The guy is an excellent writer and is well-read so why doesn't he just get a few books about depression? I don't know if Gretchen would talk to a professional he could make the effort to get her an appointment with a good therapist of some sort since she won't, at least not at this point. She may not do any talking but in her zombie state maybe getting her in the room and hearing Jimmy tell a therapist about how and why he wants to help her would actually open her up to getting help.

(this signature was absent on picture day)