MovieChat Forums > You're the Worst (2014) Discussion > Anyone have or have had a depressed girl...

Anyone have or have had a depressed girlfriend like Gretchen?

posted 9 years ago by adam_likes_fire
6 replies | jump to latest

I have twice. Once almost exactly depression the way Gretchen shows it. Once when I was very young, and once when I was near 40. It's obviously because of personal experience but I completely feel for Jimmy and the anxiety and stress he goes through every day. Trying to "help", but your GF not wanting or needing to be helped but unable to communicate that due to the depression. All the stress and fights and crying that communication gap causes. Or taking a step back and not trying, but constantly worrying that your not doing enough, or you should do something. To afraid to even ask "what's wrong?" or "Can I help?" fearing a breakdown or spiraling into a deeper depression. Never has any show come close to tackling depression and those that live with them in such a real, honest, and at times heartbreaking way. I know she won't, buy Aya Cash deserves every award possible for her role this year.

[–] rogun-35750 9 years ago

I've also had a couple of similar circumstances, but I'm not sure they could be classified as depression. I do know several people who suffer with it, though, and proper medication has made a huge difference with them.

Mental illnesses are very real. I know some don't believe that, but some people I know are delusional without their medication, to the point where they see and hear things that don't exist. With proper medication, you'd never know that they're any different, though.

[–] shes_hollywood 9 years ago

... I'm not really a fan of emotional vampires in relationships (e.g. a partner with "mental illness"). I'm hesitant even if they are functional via symptom management. I've dated a clinically depressed, personality disordered dude and let's just say, he gave my heart some scar tissue. The period following that relationship was like a billion Adele songs. I flinch thinking about it.

I'm well-read and suffer from a chronic mood disorder; so I know firsthand its effects on interpersonal relationships. I have forgone some relationships because it would be unfair to my partner. I'm underestimating the strain of mental illness on a support system. It's not fair to be with a more "stable" person, when you're not. They will be sucked dry by proxy or worry or white knight syndrome. Tangoing with a black-hole will not end well for them.

Jimmy is obviously unstable as well. Maybe not clinically depressed per se (he is functional), but he's an alcoholic with extreme misanthropy, a bleak bleak worldview, and mood issues. Look at what he did to Becca. Jimmy and Gretch are a match in terms of self-destruction, but if you're pathological then it's better to save another whom loves you from your private hell. Instead, maybe try to partner with someone who can fully empathize rather than inflicting psychological warfare.

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Proud kamikaze woman

[–] Grothendieck_s_Pocket_Healer 9 years ago

Luckily no, in fact I was the depressed one. She was always cheerful, outgoing, she likes to take Instagram pics of silly things we do, she hangs out with girls who I think are morally questionable. I don't think her friends like me (in a nonsexual way), there were nights we hangout with these couples and I literally didn't say a word (quite embarrassing I know, but my mind usually drifts away whenever they start talking about some topics about... whatever it is they find interesting) . We were just too different in everything we enjoy and care about. In the end we broke up since I think she deserves better and so that I could dedicate myself to mathematics and internet porn.

"Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
- Winnie the Pooh

[–] Sandoz 9 years ago

I did once. It used to really turn me on when she'd cry during sex.

"I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered."

[–] Ajones47 9 years ago

Yes. In many ways I really sympathise with Jimmy's whole: "I don't get it, can't you just snap out of it?" frustrated stance. I never acted on that, of course - but damned if I didn't think it once or twice. I agree with you that this is the most realistic depiction of being in a relationship with a person with depression on television. They've done amazing things with these characters.

When she grabbed his shirt while crying and hugging him at the end of S02E12 though? Nostalgia'd like a mofo.

[–] tragickingdom37 9 years ago

No, unfortunately, I was the one with depression. It's really hard for everybody, because he wouldn't understand how it is or how it works. He kept telling me there was nothing wrong with my life, like I was stupid. I couldn't explain that it has little to do with reality, it's a condition, you don't know the reason why, but you just don't want to wake up and when you do, you just want to sleep again or cry. At least it's how it is with me. And I don't blame people who disregard it and don't understand it, it's not easy if you hadn't experienced it yourself. I had one guy who could understand me because he also suffered from it, and he is the only person in my life that I feel genuinely close to, all my other relationships, meaning with friends and romantic ones, don't feel real because I have to seem normal because if I'm not, they seek a reason and explanation which I can not provide for them and that is where we disconnect. They just wait for me to "be normal again". It's especially hard to get people like me who are outgoing and cheerful almost all the time, because when depression hits, it's a big shock for everyone around me.
It's not easy for either party so if you don't understand it just don't insult people by saying it's a stupid and made up thing because if you don't see it it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.