Things I Learned from Criminal

12. 61-years-old long-term prisoners can handle themselves like trained secret agents half their age if given the memory of one.
13. Transferring a person's long-time memory into another's brain is supposed to work for only a few days.
14. The CIA is able to operate in Great Britain like they own the place, guns out and everything.
15. Every cctv system and every eletronic device on the planet is hackeable by the stroke of a key, even if the hacker cannot possibly know the presence of that device.
16. The US's secret command-and-control network can be controlled from the outside but not shut down from the inside in case of malfunctions.
17. Russia will rather wait for an obviously deranged hacker to obliterate a target with a nuclear weapon than investigate that person's threats.
18. High definition news cameras are on standby along the shores of Portugal in case a submarine vessel misfires a nuclear missile.
19. Scram mechanisms are never manual so they can be hacked from the outside and rendered useless.
20. Every female German villain is named Elsa. Seriously? 'Elsa' is so old-school, the median age for a woman of that name is 68.
21. No Briton will ever call the police, even after having been assaulted by an obviously deranged person.
22. In London, you can steal an eye-catching van with dozens of witnesses present, drive about for two days being seen by many and commit several criminal offenses in a row unchecked.
23. Douglas Cook and David Weisberg think the head-injury background is enough for the audience to forgive Costner's character everything, including the icing of a couple of innocent people.
24. A grudge with capitalism is enough for some company's CEO to go full anarchy and bring about global destruction, including the destruction of his own company.
25. A capitalist CEO can be an anarchist and a successful capitalist CEO at the same time. Schizophrenia much?
26. The capitalist world and media journalists have dealings with such a schizo on a regular basis like it's no big deal.
27. The US Air Force makes prisoner transfers to Great Britain in company-markings Airbus A400M's, a plane that can hardly reach the British Isles from Dover AFB.
28. CIA station chiefs are always the most incompetent of the lot.
29. Prisoners in the United States have no human rights and can be subjected to whatever medical experiment the US government desires.
30. Gal Gadot's character is able to acquire a gun in post-gun-control-England and learn proper weapon handling in less than 24 hours.
31. Surface-to-surface cruise missiles designed to hit stationary targets can be turned at a whim against planes travelling speeds in excess of 350 knots, and score a direct hit.
32. The power of boners is able to avert memory loss an expert on memory translation said was going to happen.
33. CIA agents spend their marriage days on British beaches with a sizable US military presence, including humvees packed with fully armed soldiers.

…


A shame, the movie did have potential.
By the way, the thing I maybe liked least is Lee-Jones's surgery thingy working right away without proper testing on humans (and it working at all). If you give us such sci-fi treats, why not present the technology as a given fact in the sense of an alternative reality? And why not give the technology a leading role?

Never thought I'd going to say this, but… tragic waste of Lee-Jones!

And Gary Oldman… I'm sorry, he just can't act. He's always yelly and apparently spitting at people while shouting, that's his signature style.

35. If you want to disable a deadly piece of software that gives you access to US' arsenal in a effort to prevent a psychopath to nuke the entire world, don't just delete it or destroy it, better program it so it backfires. There's no possibility that said psychopath's first action is to fire a nuclear missile while hiding in a large city.
36. Murdering policemen and government agents is apparently not a crime in England.
37. Thermal imaging allow you to see through objects

5. You can fit ten million dollars in a duffle bag.

40. If Jericho thinks he's speaking Spanish when he's speaking French, don't point this out to him.
41. Ryan Reynold will NOT give up the Dutchman.
42. Chem labs in London colleges always have the exact 3 chemicals required to create an explosion, within easy reach.
43. Cacti often work in a pinch, when a weapon is needed.
44. Hurt me, I hurt you worse.
45. Burying stuffed elephants is part of the grieving process.
46. Aspirin won't cut it.
47. Anyone else?