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100 things I learned from Extraterrestrial

posted 10 years ago by DeadVoivod
11 replies | jump to latest

1. If you hold a weapon (crowbar) in your hands, and think the aliens are gone, just drop it and climb out of your hideout unarmed.

2. If aliens ever abduct you, don't handcuff yourself to a tree.

3. If aliens finally leave, just yell into the sky to call them back.

4. Aliens hate humans, but love their fireworks.

5. Aliens let you depart from captivity if they see that you're in love and about to get married...

6. ...military don't care, they shoot you on sight.

7. A scarecrow with a Nixon mask even keeps police away from you, so that you can secretly grow your weed and go unnoticed.

8. Aliens can dive.

9. If a spaceship falls from the sky, don't tell anyone, immediately drive to the crash site and go as close as possible to the craft, it's safe.

10. If a girl screams for help, just ignore her.

11. In aliens presence, don't use a phone booth.

12. If you're very drunk, and aliens appear, just drink more.

13. Alien spaceships only use stealth once very close.

14. If you have to get rid of bodies, do it "as usual".

15. Aliens first put a bug into your belly button, give you a nice tattoo, then kill you straight away after.

16. Police uses the same light than aliens when investigating a house.

17. Aliens don't eat a whole pig, they just cut a slice.

...more to come

[–] dos_azn 10 years ago

18. Dude, thats a fvckin dead alien

19. High level G-Men always have their backs to the camera so when it turns to their face it makes whatever they are doing seem cooler.

20. When you are being chased and your gun only has one clip, spend all the bullets by shooting nothing.

[–] draftdubya 10 years ago

9b. Not only go up to it but touch the damn thing.

21. Stay in the house right after you seen the craft and footprints. Leave only after a alien shows up.
22. Home far up in the wood should never ever have a sat phone, landline, or HAM radio.
23. Always leave your group to check out the space craft

[–] Tyler-A-Arse 10 years ago

24. If you ever think you see a UFO, grab a Roman Candle and shoot it into the sky. It'll come down for sure, and you can take all the video and pics you want.

[–] 10 years ago

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[–] Simulacrum7 10 years ago

26. High ranking government officials don't need gas masks while everyone else does.

27. It is standard practice for clandestine government operations to dispose of bodies by burning them in a pit a few feet away from a sterile research area.

28. After thousands of years, the aliens have discovered that the best way to kill large numbers of humans is, uh, through the butt.

28. After thousands of anal probes all the Aliens have discovered is that one out of ten don't seem to mind. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tZar4wRP40

[–] AgentJ9 9 years ago

If you see a UFO crash, run like hell. The army is already on the way and you're dead.

"Those whom do not know their horror cinema are bound to be victims of horror in life" -AgentJ9

[–] cburt-968-196447 9 years ago

30) If the cops don't believe your alien story don't bother to show your cell phone video, take them to the crash site, or have them talk to the guy who can collaborate your story.

[–] Bobby9976 9 years ago

Good point - but you mean corroborate dude.

[–] spookyrat1 8 years ago

31 Want an accurate explanation about government conspiracies involving alien abductions? Go find a pot-smoking hermit in the woods. They'll always have the skinny on these things.

32 When your friends are all in a car begging you to stay with them for safety's sake due to the threatening UFO overhead, the best thing you can do, is get out of the car, stagger around like a drunk for a minute staring up at the pretty coloured flying saucer and wait to be abducted.🐭

[–] derek-smith-122-361197 9 years ago

10 Things I learned from Holocaust Deniers

1. They will definitely become the master race, just as soon as they master capitalization and punctuation
2. The best method of conveying extreme views is by posting poorly written non sequiturs in comedy forums about space aliens
3. Anything sounds more sinister when "surrounded" by quotations marks : (there were millions of "survivors btw”)
4. Events are less likely to be true if popular films are made about them, hence why Michael Bay bravely made Pearl Harbor so awful : (the millions made blockbuster hollywood and european movies)
5. Coventry self combusted in sympathy with Hitler : (refused to even bomb a single city directly)
6. The Doodlebug was a prototype hairdryer for Eva Braun that got away : (germany listed all of their targets)
7. Wikipedia is wasting its time insisting on references, anything written in all capitals MUST be true
8. The military build munition factories in cities that are likely to be bombed because that’s the last thing the enemy would expect : (most of which were people working in over crowded munitions factories)
9. There’s a correlation between the morality of Allied air raids and the Holocaust - dropping nuclear bombs on Japan disproves the existence of concentration camps
10. Like a broken clock, even Holocaust Deniers are correct occasionally : (you'll think this was all just ramblings of an evil bigoted stupid racist)

[–] 8 years ago

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