Favourite Line?

"I bought a house, for a joke."

"Coke is not a drug, it is a facilitator for consuming other substances."


We can give you superpowers, but the side-effect is your going to get AIDS.

So many GREAT lines...

"You don't know WHO you're going to shoot until you shoot them!"

"If you're gay, that's okay-- but if you're not gay, you have to kiss me bro!"

"I think I might have caught... Love!"

"It's just the kind of crazy sh!t that'd happen to me-- having a penis I didn't even know about. Woke up a few times on my year off having a penis I didn't know about."

"Obviously, it's the head of Russell Brand!"

"Have you killed Russell Brand?"

"I don't know if I want the weight of Russell Brand's head on my shoulders."

"I'm not going to use Russell Brand's head as *beep* bait."

"Oh my god... I totally forgot I've got a car!"

"Good luck with your party, I bet you're looking forward to seeing our tutor and his greased-up penis."

"I'm accidentally dating Howard! ....Sh!t!"

"Are you looking at me because I'm watchable?"

"I've nailed a lot of guys, I've been sent a lot of chickens."

"All you have to do is put your vagina over his penis for like 5 seconds and technically, he's not a virgin anymore."

followed up with:

"Yeah, hop on, hop off... like a City-bus!"

"You're up sh!t creek with Apple Maps!"

"Then we have Level 3 Howard. Howard unchained. Howard- The Director's Cut. Undiluted and unadulterated Howard. The Howard you have before you is one part Howard to 50 parts water. But a glass of neat Howard, that is unpalatable. This is my story... I am Howard McGreggor and I am unfit for human consumption."

"Technically, I'm a Fresher too... but with the brain of second year."

"I can't believe it! I'm having an involuntary threesome!"

"Wow, Sophie's Choice... Do you help the hot guy or your PhD tutor who is responsible for marking all your work?"

"I brought my own mug and travel kettle because I cannot be sure your house facilities have not come in contact with J.P.'s semen."

"Does my biscuit licking offend you Josie?"

"Oh f-ing perfect! Even the fake me is better than the real me!"

"I have Insufficient funds? As in, my money is not sufficient?"

"Josie... Lovely Josie..." (Brian) just love how he says it.

"You're tolerating my gayness, this is a nightmare!"

"No! No, I won't stand for this! It's political correctness gone mad. I'm sorry Sabine, but we have a gay man moving in. So that may seem xenophobic, it's not. Because we have someone even... well, not weirder... but more different... so, hard cheese!"

"Is it too much to ask for one of you to keep me abreast of my m-fing schedule?"

"Are you seriously saying that something I want isn't going to happen because of you?"

"Or is it like, I can do one or the other, your module or your husband?"

"Well, I'll put you on the short list with all the candidates who haven't humped the hubby and we'll take if from there. Good?"

"I've just gotten used to wearing trousers of the mind."

"Why don't you take your cock away while I makes us a nice cup of tea?"

"I have literally been fleeced!"

"It's okay, it's from animals and that."

"It's 100% probably not an arm."

"It's loose, jazz meat, it's not all tubed up like the other meats, it's just relaxin', doing it's own thing, it doesn't need anyone telling it what sheep to be."

"Pussy Man, I think some muff's got caught on your chin."

"Wait... The Pussy Man was a virgin?"

"I think they want you to sell your soul patch to the devil."

"I feel like I'm off to marry Brian Ferry or something."

"When you have a collapsible chair you can sit wherever the hell you like, my friend."

"I've prepared a brief Power Point presentation..."

"No.. We were having a long unerotic tussle followed by a short unerotic tearing of my ear cartilage."

"I want to do it in all the positions... missionary, modified missionary, non-missionary... everything!"

"By the way, you've got a slug on your bum."

A few more...

"I know I shouted it but I shouted it in confidence!"

"It's amazing how complicated fighting is, yet so popular among stupid people."

"I'm like a sort of lecherous Jesus!"

"F--king drill the b!tch!"

"Hump me with your power point!"

"Oh there IS one thing wrong with him, I f--ked is Dad!"

"First Blunters now Mumfers? Is nothing sacred?"

It seems most people don't like the character, but I think just about everything JP says is gold.