An insider movie for people working programs? Or is it for everybody?
Another thread asked what the count-to-three with index fingers was about, and someone explained this is a coping method for addiction triggers taught in 12 step programs.
Because that index finger method is shown so clearly twice and not explained, it's one of several things that suggest the film's allegiance to people in addiction programs who know details like that. My impression after watching the film is how much the filmmakers wanted to make an insiders' film about people in recovery but especially FOR people in recovery. And they don't mind if the rest of us don't get it. In fact, the cluelessness of the general audience may be part of the pleasure for people who feel included because they possess that specialized knowledge. This is true for any film that takes the trouble of getting the specialized knowledge right--they'll always please that specialist audience. "Friend of Bill" vs. "civilian" is another, more accessible, reference but still probably lost on most in a typical audience.
Likely the film makers also wanted to encourage people to recognize their own addictions, especially with the Neil character, and they wanted to teach "civilians" some general ideas about people in programs and what they need. And they probably wanted to sell a lot of seats to big audiences and make money. But they really seem to want to make a film for people in recovery, to celebrate what they do and have to do to stay in recovery.
These inside details may make the rest of us feel un-included, but I can see the attraction. As the film points out, there's a lot of stigma and judgment directed at people with addictions working the 12 steps. This film seems like a celebration of solidarity with them. In the final diner scene we don't even know if Adam gets the girl or if any usual rom-com last-reel stuff happens. All we know is that these three are back in the program, helping each other, staying sober. In this movie, the romantic make-up is between a guy and his program, not between him and his girl: so Neil finally got serious about his program, started doing the work, and earned Mike's respect; Mike and Adam survived relapses and are back in recovery. The film is emphatic that it's not about if you get the girl, if your marriage survives, or if you find a way to have sex again safely. It's about whether you work your program.
The central romantic boy-meets-girl story elevates the 12 step narrative above the romantic one. Most romantic movies about addiction celebrate the addict's eventual ability to leave the program and return to "normal" romantic relationship and not be "weird" anymore. The non-addict love interest only needs to try to relate a bit and be patient to become the hero of the film for being willing to forgive and accept the lowly addict back into the normal world.
But here the Phoebe character is seen not as the magical solution for the addict but as potentially the problem; she's scolded for her slowness in recognizing it's not right to ask the addict to return to the normal world. Unlike most any addiction movie I can think of, Adam is the hero for NOT adapting to the needs of the normal non-addicted world, for being willing--at the end--to give up love, sex, and relationships if it means compromising any of his recovery standards.
As I watched TFS I was wondering how are people who aren't in programs going to relate. For people working a 12 step program it has to be the center of your life, for a while or for the rest of it, and this film speaks to people who know that, or should, and it's ok with letting the rest of us feel like outsiders who don't get it.
Anyone working a 12 step program who saw this movie, did it get it right? Did it feel like solidarity as I'm guessing, or not? Did it miss to mark? How about people not in program--did the movie feel alienating?