MovieChat Forums > Thanks for Sharing (2013) Discussion > So having sex the christian way is ok?

So having sex the christian way is ok?


I know this was a story about a 12 step program with is religious by nature and preaches total sobriety from your obsession instead of moderation which is actually shown to work more in real scientific studies.

But if they are supposed to be avoiding sex, why is it ok when Gwen and Mark do it?

Is is only ok if you are in a relationship that might lead to marriage?

Shouldn't masturbation be used as a harmless purge of sexual energy?
Oh yeah, it is a christian group. masturbation is a sin.

Liked the movie, but hate the idea that an atheist was legally forced into a religious program and then told to not do the one thing that might have helped keep him out of legal trouble.

Time for some christian re-education fat boy! Do it or go to jail!

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Yeah, the whole anti-masturbating thing seems kinda draconian and completely at odds with human sexuality and biology.

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Not all sex addicts have to not masturbate it depends on what their acting out behaviours are and what their sobriety is

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Having sex is "acting out" while masturbation is "acting in." Sex addiction is trickier than other addictions because sex is a natural drive, while drinking and drugging aren't. And love and touch are both necessary for humans to thrive. What it comes down to is how much it interferes w/ normal life functioning.

In the movie they say it's OK if you're in a committed relationship, it's not a constant search for sexual conquest.

Dede was PROBABLY sexually abused as a kid. Childhood sexual abuse blows a hole in the psyche a mile wide and is difficult to recover from because you get re-wired in a very unhealthy way. When children are forced to perform sex acts before it is developmentally appropriate, they learn to relate to people as sexual beings only. The sooner the abuse starts and the more frequently it occurs, the harder it is to recover from.

Ever see "Monster" w/ Charlize Theron? The woman she played had been repeatedly raped from the ages of 13 to 16 by 3 or 4 family members, I think it was her dad, brother and an uncle or two. Then they threw her out like so many used condoms. That woman didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of ever having a normal life.

Gwyneth Paltrow's character was probably a sex addict, she was a lot more messed up than she was willing to admit.

If you want to learn more about it, there's an excellent book called, "Love, Sex & Addiction." A local therapist just came in and said, "Women, Sex & Addiction" is even better.

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Good questions ... I wonder if these sex addiction groups are for real. Is this just a commercial for another way to exploit weaknesses in people? How much of it was real, how much is changed so it will be sexy for the audience to watch? I mean, Gwyneth Paltrow doing the striptease seemed a bit odd. Maybe it's like drinking, some people can handle it and some people just cannot control it? It was an interesting movie that got me thinking, and the scenes with the fat boy and short girl had me wondering if they would fall off the wagon, and why they did not.

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Sex addiction groups do exsist there are 3 main ones Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) sexaholics anonymous (SA) and sex and Love addicts anonymous (SLAA) all of them are based on the 12 steps and 12 traditions of alcoholics anonymous. The issues and problems differ from addict to addict so "sobriety" may mean different things to different addicts, so not all people will not masturbate it just depends.

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Although it based of a very religious principle you don't have to be religious per-say you do have to be spiritual and you choose what you believe in. Many sex addicts can have sex out of marriage but not all. His character in the movie displays issues with lots of anonymous sex, which is his acting out, he needs ways to make sure he keeps that in check, so he would speak to his sponsor for advice

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FYI, there are getting to be more addiction support groups that DON'T require you to believe or mouth belief to a higher power or god figure.

Barry Hazle, an atheist in California, was paroled after a 1 yr prison term for meth possession in 2007, and was ordered to spend the next 90 days in a residential drug treatment program. The only approved program in his county was a 12-step program modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous, which required participants to submit to a “higher power” through prayer. He had requested a secular program, and refused to participate in a religious one. As a result, he was sent back to prison for 100 days.

In October, 2014, he settled with the state and its contractor, WestCare California, for $1.95M for wrongful incarceration in violation of his religious liberty. This was not a judge or jury award, it was a settlement to get it out of court, so that should be the final word on it and the actual payment (before lawyer's fees).

Since then, AA and some other groups have become more aware and sensitive to atheists and agnostics (as not doing so could be quite expensive, in addition to unconstitutional and exclusionary). However, there are some groups already in existence which already eliminated the "higher power" stuff. Should you or someone you know need secular assistance, you can try Secular Organizations for Sobriety, http://www.sossobriety.org/home.html as well as potentially helpful articles, blogs, and opinion pieces at AA Agnostica, http://aaagnostica.org/2012/08/12/an-atheists-guide-to-12-step-recovery/. Of course, you are much more likely to find secular groups in an urban area in the Northeast or West Coast and not the sticks of the deep South (the latter possibly partially explaining the attractiveness of alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, and sex to begin with). More info and groups at http://www.psmag.com/health-and-behavior/letting-go-god-12-step-programs-losing-religion-95357. Very recent debunking of AA and discussion of treatments proven more effective: http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2015/03/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/

Lord Dougins, I apologize for temporarily waylaying your topic; I thought it was helpful info should someone need it. I think a more accurate phrase for your question would be "boring sex" rather than "Christian way." I am by no means a Christian, but if you go back through the history of reactionary Christian anti-feminist marriage advice, then beautician Marable Morgan published "The Total Woman" in 1973, encouraging wives to add spice to their marriages by greeting their husbands at the front door in nothing but Saran wrap and high heels. She also advocated keeping your cosmetic box at the foot of the bed for touch-ups before your man awoke so that he never, EVER saw you un-made-up (even while giving birth, although she pushed to exclude husbands from the delivery room) (I couldn't make this up if I tried). Morgan wrote "It's only when a woman surrenders her life to her husband, reveres and worships him and is willing to serve him, that she becomes really beautiful to him," among other gems. Some conservative Christians can get pretty out there in attempting to keep marriage alive and monogamous for ~60 years. Paltrow's strip-tease was classic Marabel Morgan stuff.

I found it shocking how insensitive Phoebe was to Adam's "illness" and her arrogance (possibly not best word) in not just asking what was safe and what wasn't--she seemed to have several characteristics in common with Histrionic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (one can have traits or a personality type without actually having a disorder. I'm not saying the character was mentally ill, more like exceptionally self-absorbed and attention-seeking for someone NOT mentally ill. Definitely a bad match with his issues).

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They're not saying masturbation is a sin. They're saying that these are people who can't handle masturbation because it ruins their lives. They can only have sex in a committed relationship because the nature of sex addiction is having lots of self-destructive sex with anonymous partners. Clearly you don't understand what sex addiction is or what the "Christian" way is, because the Christian way is not having sex until you're married. They're saying you can't have sex unless you're having it in a healthy relationship - nothing about marriage.

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Masturbation is a harmless purge of sexual energy for most people, but the sex addict abuses this "relief" such that it becomes a drug. Sex is a God-given instinct, so it is not to be loathed. 12-Step programs are NOT religious. They are spiritual. The difference is that there are no creeds or practices. An atheist can readily participate in a 12-Step program so long as he/she accepts the fact that a power greater than him/her is necessary to relieve his/her sexaholism. That power does not necessarily have to be God; it can be the group of people at the meeting.

He who conquers himself is mightier than he who conquers a city.

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I think most people cannot grasp what addiction feels like. I have a bit of an addiction, say 10% of what was shown by the characters but I can say that the movie was well researched as I can feel the thing.
Boundaries and balance are two very important things in life which has the same meaning.
Few people cannot make out boundaries for themselves or balance their lives i.e. they live in the extremes.
The movie was only on addicted subjects and not normal folks.
People who are really addicted know that movie was not incorrect in its depiction of characters.
Once again I am an agnostic myself but I need something to lean upon, it helps, may be I am weaker than you in that regard but atheist can also be termed as confusion with respect to few special individuals.

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I'm a (Christian) sex addict and a white knuckler (like the son).

Speaking of "not incorrect in its depiction of characters", I loved the part where he's back at the garbage can looking longingly at the donuts!

been there, done that...

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