I'm angry at myself - I could marry a porn star but not a Sexual Surrogate
Mark's a wonderful man, a writer and a poet. He hires a (now famous) sexual surrogate, Cheryl Green, who helps him overcome his fears and inhibitions and provides him with his first intimate and sexual experiences. Skip to the final sex surrogate session with Mark and Cheryl: It's a touching scene but nothing is left to the imagination. Cheryl administers oral sex to Mark to get him hard, then mounts him (inserts his penis inside her) until he ejaculates inside of her. Cheryl climaxes as well, and both Cheryl and Mark then kiss intimately and declare their love for each other. Actual penetration is not shown in the movie, but it's pretty clear it happens. Also disturbing to me, to a degree there were no cutaways during the scene. The camera was on the actors at all times and either I missed the part where Cheryl put a condom on Mark or they just didn't use one. This was during the 80's at the height of the beginning of the HIV/Aids crisis, worldwide.
Now, here's where the movie disturbed me most - not what Cheryl does for a living by my reaction to it as a man and I'm not proud of this: I could not marry a sexual surrogate due to my own selfishness. Cheryl was at the time and still is married to a man she seems to love very much. Not only is Cheryl an angel for the good work that she does but so was/is her husband, in my opinion. As the husband of a sex surrogate you have to be ok with the fact that the love, sex, and intimacy your wife shares with you she shares also with perhaps hundreds of others in her lifetime. You wife gives and receives oral pleasure and has insertive vaginal intercourse with other men. These men she has sex with also share their greatest fears, as well as their hopes and dreams with her during these sessions. It's her job and a spiritually rewarding job where she's a nurturing, loving caretaker.
But, again, feeling the way I do right now I could not be married to a woman who does what Cheryl does. I could, however see myself marrying a porn star if I truly loved her. Given the amazing work people like Cheryl do, this makes me feel like kind of a selfish bastard and I can't get over being angry at myself for feeling this way.
Now, if I fell in love with a porn star I wouldn't have any problem marrying her. Here's why: Yes, female porn stars may have sex with hundreds of men during their career. But during porn shoots there are many other people in the room - cameramen, directors, producers, fellow stars waiting for their scenes, etc. Most of the time their scene with a male porn star is the first and last time she'll ever see the guy. They have sex, yes. But in porn, there's seldom any kissing or even if there is, the connection, IMO is not emotional or spiritual. Seldom does the man ejaculate inside the woman. Although a female porn star may achieve physical release during the shoot, it's more of a byproduct, not necessary for the scene and IMO not a spiritual experience like the one Cheryl and Mark had and therefore what many sexual surrogates experience with their clients.
Sexual surrogates spend hours alone in bed with the same clients, over and over. They not only can eventually have mutually enjoyable sex, but the surrogate provides the client with her complete self. Something, as a husband, I'd hope to be the only recipient of. I'd also really appreciate it if I was the only guy with which she let ejaculate inside of her. This to me, blurs the lines between being a provider of services and a complete partner, in every sense of the word.
Anyway, the movie both touched and disturbed me. It made me think. Something I guess a good story, movie, play, etc. is supposed to do.