New TRT Adaptation For 2021

OMG OMG they've released the details for a second adaptation of the Dark Tower and it's SO AWESOME!!!!

OK so like Roland will be played by Deepak Choprah. This is totally awesome because Choprah is all mystical and sht, right, just like the stories!! like wow they couldn't have found a more perfect actor.

And get this, this is freakin genius -- instead of guns, Roland has a flatulence problem which he's weaponized through years of breathing practices. Once you get over the initial weirdness of farting people to death, you'll realize this is much closer to King's intended spirit of the Dark Tower series than just shooting guns! DUH!!

I mean it also is a sly wink to gun control, right? 'cos guns are universally bad and less guns in the media means less people will arm themselves against criminals, which is of course a good thing lol!!

*wipes drool from chin* an' then, like, I need to go but Roland will now be named HuluBulu McAssFarts, which is totally rad and like African sounding! COOL! Oh and everyone else will be played by digitally-modified footage of Gary Coleman, which is an astoundingly progressive choice IMO.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! YOU'RE ALL RETARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAOOOO