James Berardinelli review - *1/2 out of ****

https://www.reelviews.net/reelviews/crow-the_1

Director Rupert Sanders (Snow White and the Huntsman) has made it clear that, aside from sharing the same basic source material (James O’Barr’s comic book series), his version of The Crow is not intended to be a remake of the Alex Proyas 1994 film of the same name. I believe him. Proyas’ take on the story was a fast-paced, visceral interpretation – a revenge movie with a supernatural twist. Sanders, however, has taken a deep dive into the world of pretentious horror, where every killing has to be as stylized as it is gory. His characters have no humanity, his romance has no sizzle, and the whole thing turns into a slog where style overwhelms substance to such a degree that there’s too little left of the latter to matter.

As a critic, I think this is where I’m supposed to note that the film looks great and is filled with a lot of nice, artsy shots and moments. And I guess I’ll concede the point, although the visual elements are a little too dark to really see what’s going on half the time and the use of opera music in a key scene feels like the worst kind of cliché. Still, since that’s the closest The Crow gets to high-energy, I’ll admit that it works. I just wish Sanders had managed to put aside his pretentions as an auteur for long enough to find some suspense. There’s none of that. The whole movie feels like an exercise. Eric Draven (Bill Skarsgard) can’t be killed so where’s the tension? Proyas found it, so why can’t Sanders? This feels like the bad answer to the fanboy question that no one has ever asked: What if they remade Death Wish with Wolverine?

At least The Crow taught me a few things. Bill Skarsgard is a really tall guy. I mean, his co-star, singer/actress FKA Twigs, comes up to just below his shoulder. (Maybe she’s short.) Speaking of Twigs, she’s pretty bad in this. Acting does not seem to be her forte, at least based on this. Not only that but she and Skarsgard share zero chemistry. Not that Skarsgard is a conventional romantic lead by any means but, for The Crow to work, we have to be invested in the romance between Eric and Shelly and it never catches fire. Sanders has a hand in this too – the way he presents their interaction is artificial (kissing through a gauzy curtain) and the sex scene has all the heat of PG-13 lovemaking. (The movie is rated R for its violence and gore.)

The Crow takes an inordinate amount of time cranking the engine and getting things going. We go through the meet-cute between Eric and Shelly in a mental institution. Then they hang out together, escape, fall in love, and go on the run from a gang of mysterious assassins determined to kill Shelly because of a cell phone video she has. The ringleader of all this is Vincent Roeg (go-to typecast bad guy Danny Huston), an guy who has made a deal with the devil and possesses demonic powers. His right-hand henchwoman is Marion (Laura Birn), a steely woman who isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty and never cracks a smile.

Fate eventually catches up with Shelly. The killers do what they’re paid to do and Eric is collateral damage. It takes the movie almost half its running time to get to this signature point. It might have been worth it if the previous 45 minutes had done something competent in the character development department, but that doesn’t happen. After dying, Eric awakens in a limbo that looks like a swampy, disused train station where he is informed by the place’s lone denizen (Sami Bouajila) that for him to save Shelly’s soul, he must return to his body (now invincible) and prove his true love by eviscerating everyone who shared responsibility for her death. Thus is born The Crow. (He adds the eyeliner later.)

I usually enjoy revenge thrillers in which a wronged person kills their way up the chain of command – stuff like the Charles Bronson Death Wish, the Mel Gibson Payback, or even John Wick. But The Crow takes all the fun out of the game. Sure, the killings are suitably gory (although not as inventive as in some slasher movies) but there’s something rote about how they’re carried out. The only enjoyable scene in the movie is the aforementioned operatic slaughter and even the most patient viewer may fall asleep waiting for it.

I’m not sure why anyone thought a remake of The Crow was a good idea but, based on Lionsgate’s dismissive marketing and the general lack of interest evident at the showing I intended, it’s not going to reinvigorate the moribund franchise (the original had a number of sequels). It’s questionable whether a well-made effort might have achieved that aim but this one is so lifeless that, even as a streaming option, it’s worth neither the time nor effort. If you feel like eating crow, seek out the Proyas version and pretend this one doesn’t exist, which it probably shouldn’t.