MovieChat Forums > V (2009) Discussion > 100 Things I Learn From V

100 Things I Learn From V

posted 13 years ago by Meushell
37 replies | jump to latest

(Surprised no one did this earlier.)

1. Extracting DNA is elaborate and painful.
2. V's don't care about humans, but while extracting DNA, they will make sure all private parts are covered.
3. Humans are special because we have a sooouul.
4. Evil V's don't have emotions...except for when they do.
5. It's best to ask about alien technology, like blue energy, before trying to use it. (Actually, isn't that just common sense?)
6. Dying and being brought back to life = Amnesia
7. If you lock your mother in a dungeon, be sure to give her a cocoon and evening gown.
8. Don't give a speech about being back with your back to the door.
9. If the evil V's go around entering "John May Lives" in their computers, they'll probably find every Fifth Column program.
10. The church is worried that people will start worshiping aliens with advanced technology, even if there is no sign of such a thing happening.
11. If you keep lying and betraying and switching sides and blah blahing, eventually, your daughter will break your neck with her tail.
12. People can walk around with only half their DNA.
13. DNA can also be inserted into a person.
14. Being selected by a queen for mating really isn't all that great.

(Okay, I'm out. Continue. :) )

-
Malek: It is essentially an asexual process.
O'Neill: That why you guys take hosts?
Stargate SG-1

[–] 13 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Trioxin_Zombie 13 years ago

20. Queen Anna is the sexist and most manipulative femme fatale ever!.

21. Resistance to Bliss is futile (season 2 finale).

22. The Resistance IS NOT The 5th Column and never will be.

You have to be a V to be 5th Column. Humans can't be 5th Column no matter how many times THIS VERSION of V tells you they can. They just damn well can't be!. And it is nothing short of pure incompetence in the writing that says otherwise.

"I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire. I'd stoke her up. Burn!, bitch!, burn!."

[–] BlitzWing00 13 years ago

23. When aliens show up on Earth, no need to request a medical examination or blood test to make sure they're not carrying any harmful viruses or bacteria. Don't even make them walk through an airport x-ray machines which could give away their disguise. No, issue them passports so they can live on Earth without questioning them at all instead.

[–] hollywoodruffstar 13 years ago

I love #7!
#23 is exactly my objection to E.T. The cute alien could have given the kids a contagious disease. The government guys had the right idea, but in the wrong movie, so they're bad guys.

[–] scow79-1 13 years ago

24. If a U.S. citizen is trying to assassinate an alien species and gets caught, then the U.S. government will then just hand the assassin (still a U.S. citizen) over to the alien species with no questions asked.

[–] tom-2774 13 years ago

25. I'm too old for modern TV series.

[–] Meushell 13 years ago

26. About to be skinned alive? Well, at least you get to keep wearing pants.
27. Skinning is the only way to truly hurt a V. They react to other stuff, but it must be an act.
28. Humans don't wonder why all V's randomly stop, then look upward with an expression of calm bliss.
29. If you're going to die from a stray gun fire, it'll be multiple bullets that just happen to hit where you are standing and no where else.
30. Everyone else will stand around and watch as you are repeatedly hit with said stray bullets. Those who are supposed to protect you will stop the one person who tries to help you.
31. Injected with an unknown subtance (R6). It'll be forgotten later anyway.
-
Malek: It is essentially an asexual process.
O'Neill: That why you guys take hosts?
Stargate SG-1

[–] melecsengir-1 13 years ago

34. Never watch any US series until all episodes and all seasons are out on dvd. protects you from freaking out everytime they *beep* cancel a show you like. Which is most of the time.

[–] Trioxin_Zombie 13 years ago

That is what I did for the whole of season one. I waited til it came out on DVD this way I had the whole show to watch in two sittings rather than at the pace of one episode per week. To hell with watching one episode per week that is snail pace. I usually wait for most shows to end before watching it first. This way you can watch at your OWN pace.

"What we gotta do is we gotta snag that tall dude and stomp the sh!t out of him!."

[–] 13 years ago

[deleted]

[–] neoyota 13 years ago

That show was so bad, 100 things doesn't seems unreachable at all, well excuse my english :

35. aliens are very changing mind, first they wanted to breed with us, then destroy our "souls", then just extract DNA. Making us regret the good old times when they just wanted to eat us.
36. this was the slowest alien invasion in sci-fi history.
37. motherships with antigravity technology need human-build landing facilities.
38. hiring a priest in a terrorist cell seems to be useful as nailing your feet in the ground.
39. when you try to sabotage a mysterious device that can produce energy for entire cities, never consider it might blow up until someone recall you that blue color doesn't mean it's totaly safe to mess with it.
40. flying a shuttle across the solar system is so awesome it can makes you neglect your amazingly sexy girfriend, even if you didn't got laid for months.
41. woops, alien spiky lethal spheres are way too much overpowered, We could get rid of the resistance with just ten of them. Let's just call the cops next time.
42. you can die as the most adorable character in Lost and reincarnate in the most anoying mother cop ever created.
43. If you plan making some cash like your old friend diana, don't appear just ten minutes before the long-anticipated cancelation of the show.
44. there was a time when using blue-screen was for creating mind-challenging universes, but now we use it for making big empty grey rooms with dentist chair.
45. you can lead an assassination in the middle of the crownd yelling in your cell phone while filmed in worldwide broadcast, nobody will suspect you.

[–] Trioxin_Zombie 13 years ago

46. It's one thing to have strong female characters. It's a whole different thing altogether when they turn Eric(a) Evans into a seriously annoying *beep* "alpha female" type character. Julie from the original was a good strong character and not once was she ever annoying. This Eric(a) Evans bitch is annoying even when she stands still doing or saying nothing!.

"Suffocation waking in a sweat. Scared to fall asleep again in case the dream begins again."

[–] k-eijeriks 13 years ago

47. Despite having highly advanced technology, the V's use a simple few digits pin-code to open secret door on their ships.
48. Despite the hi-tec mentioned above, trackers of the V's make photo's of a very bad resolution, so that you cannot recognize the faces of the people they were supposed to track down.
49. The only non-Caucasian V's can be killed or are traitors.
50. The only non-Caucasian humans can be V's.
51. If you plan to bleed from your eyes, make sure your wear short dress and high black heels.
52. When you become a leader of the 5th Column, your life-values change 180 degrees.
53. After being shot in your chest in the morning and beeing unable to put on your own shirt afterwards, you can easily have a lot of satisfactory sex on the table in the evening the same day.

[–] The_Truth34 13 years ago

54. Even the V's don't have a cure for the common cold! SMH...
55. If you get impregnated by a V, you will have mad cravings, including dead mouse =P

[–] franco_xxl 13 years ago

43. If you plan making some cash like your old friend diana, don't appear just ten minutes before the long-anticipated cancelation of the show.
Ha ha!!! Yeah what a comeback. I bet Singer was down at the pub while filming last season telling all his buds that "he was back".

55. People in NYC (and other major cities) have no problem at all still paying for their expensive downtown apartments even though they're living in constant shade since the V's arrival.

[–] Nolesforlife 13 years ago

56. If you happen to like the V's more and root for them more then the humans in this series. Then the show has a problem (Me personally. I liked the V characters more.)

[–] bavaria1002001 13 years ago

56. If you happen to like the V's more and root for them more then the humans in this series. Then the show has a problem (Me personally. I liked the V characters more.)

I think nearly everybody did.

[–] mad_roke 13 years ago

57. If you want to encover a alien-human hybrid baby in human skin, make sure it looks very chubby and adorable
58. Your boss, professor and mentor will never enter your "own lab" and therefore will never ever discover the bones of a dead V

[–] tom-2774 13 years ago

59. If you have a tail that can kill people within a radius of several meters, don't use it as long as you are able to do so.
60. If you have a lot of teeth and a lot of strength buried somewhere inside your human skin, your best alternative in a fight is to keep still and dig out your teeth until you're overpowered by your heavily injured opponent.
61. Don't trust your friends if you also can betray them to your common enemy.
62. Don't be suspicious if your collection of suicide bombing vests start blinking and beeping.
63. When releasing hostages turns into chaos, be sure to shoot at the hostages which are on your side. No matter on which side you are.

[–] prinjon 13 years ago

64. Be sure to have sex when your loving husband has died in front of you a few days ago.
65. Humans have a powerful soul but lack everything else.
66. Having sex whith an alien is no difference, universal love is so easy to achieve ! (Watch out for girls' tails)
67. It is too difficult to check behind people's ears for traitors. So sensitive !
68. Visitors never got hurt in any physical accidents for decades that would show difference with humans, as statiscally it is impossible, because viewers have no brain and imagine a carebears world !
...

PS: What are the series that are looking for real life storyline please ?
I assume only Game of thrones is so far.

[–] Meushell 13 years ago

I don't think we're going to make it to a hundred. Awww.

69. When contacting your new living-on-a-ship ally, be sure to speak loud enough so he (and anyone near him) can hear you.

Lesson learned from the scene that brought us...

Joshua: *quietly* Yes?
Ryan: JOSHUA. JOSHUA, IT'S RYAN.

70. Be sure to mention his name too.
-
Malek: It is essentially an asexual process.
O'Neill: That why you guys take hosts?
Stargate SG-1

[–] theycallmebrandon 13 years ago

71) Be sure to sell the entire human race out so that you can save one person that you love.

72) Reptiles apparently evolved into ape like creatures, just with scales and tails.

73) Humans will not mind if an alien race parks a massive ship above their cities. What could go wrong?

74) Even if the whole human race is on the verge of being annihilated, your romance life is still very important!

75) Even if you know that your son's girlfriend is a reptile and that her race wants to kill your race, don't tell your son just let him carry on working for them. What could go wrong?

76) During an alien invasion, stay away from minorities! They are always aliens!

77) Alien races that have the technology to transform their bodies into anything cannot create a better hunter than a humanoid.

78) The US military can track a person's voice used on a cell phone and blow them up with a missile, but aliens have to actually chase them down and attempt to kill their prey with knives.

[–] 13 years ago

[deleted]

[–] mclovin6009 13 years ago

79)Finding an alien/human hybrid becomes the first priority so you send out 1 soldier.
80)Anna can mate and create a race of super soldier eggs in like 3 seconds.

[–] preZito 13 years ago

"63. When releasing hostages turns into chaos, be sure to shoot at the hostages which are on your side. No matter on which side you are."

Glad someone wrote it!

[–] bainf 13 years ago

81. A technically superior race will still wear uncomfortable high heels all the time
82. The V's technology is so amazing they have managed to create undergarments that conceal womenly flaws, even huge tails
83. When looking directly overhead at a mothership, you will still not be in shade
84. When picking a mate for the eventual leader of your race, do your research and don't pick the son who's mother becomes a counter terrorism expert
85. There is no such thing as ugly unfashionable alien women
86. Just like in horror movies, young people having sex will generally result in one of them dying horrribly
87. Beware!, Tails are common killing weapons for attractive Transformers, aliens, visitors
88. An imprisoned former queen has no problem organising to have secret escape shuttles hidden on the mothership
89. Have sensors that can tell when to open a spaceship door, but if you want to hide in an off limits room definitely don't have security sensors for that

getting close to 100

[–] mclovin6009 13 years ago

90. A hardened mercenary hell bent on destroying the aliens becomes a traitor for the resistance when an alien tells him his old flame is still alive-a whole 5 years on.
91.A human/alien hybrid baby doesn't need milk ,just bliss.
92.Both aliens and humans don't bother following the 4 main human resistance suspects to their secret hideout.
93.Alien leader stays in an opulent mothership while her mother stays in a cave with a cocoon.

[–] sensucht23 12 years ago

If 91 is valid then i can use this one

98. Vs and humans do not defecate

ok

99. If you are an fbi agent feel free to leave a crime scene just because you need to see your teenage son

100. The enlightenment reached by buddhist monks and other really amazing people is a lie, there's no freedom, no peace, no soul evolution, just a lie created by some alien queen to make us slaves

101. Humans need an external entity to save them, are eager to welcome a saviour

[–] angelcgm 12 years ago

94. In spite of having "just arrived," aliens speak flawless and unaccented English, and have a thorough grasp of idiom.
95. The same cannot be said of their French.
96. No one needs to ask how a completely alien race that's supposedly just encountered us knows everything about our world's problems, and how to solve them with no unfortunate side effects. They can just go ahead and tamper with our bodies and our ecosystem, because they probably know what they're doing.
97. Aliens have no emotions. But they still change their facial expressions all the time, even with no humans around. For fun.

[–] ssimpson-10 12 years ago

102. If you're an ex-alien queen in a ship's filthy dungeon, don't worry, your hair and clothes will always be perfect.

[–] joey-162 12 years ago

98. You must stop the guy who kills innocents, until he gives you his job.
99. Your neckline will get lower in the second season.
100. Urgent cliffhangers may not seem all that important in a week's time.
101. When told to take the shot "now", wait 12 seconds for someone to get in the way.
102. Any evidence of clandestine meetings with a priest will disappear if you are taken hostage by bad guys.
103. The bodies of reptiles are shaped like humans, until they remove their human skin.
104. Do not kiss your estranged husband, or he will sneak INTO a highly secured hostage situation the next day and get himself killed.
105. Blue energy reactors don't need any engineers watching them.
106. Human emotion comes from the skin.

[–] Jaxotea 12 years ago

107. When you are part of a secret resistance and an FBI agent at the same time constantly meet your co-conspirators in the open so you can be photographed and seen by everyone. Take absolutely no evasive action or surveillance counter measures at all.