MovieChat Forums > The Five-Year Engagement (2012) Discussion > What is wrong with being engaged for 5 y...

What is wrong with being engaged for 5 years or more?

posted 12 years ago by blaque108
32 replies | jump to latest

I've heard of some couples being engaged for at least 2 years at the max. 5 years is a bit much, but hey I guess you marry when you get ready. That is like that one celebrity couple Jennifer Hudson and her finance David have been engaged for about 1 and half almost. Other celebrities have done the same thing hold an engagement.

In my family, I think the longest an engagement has been held was maybe until almost a year or 6 to 8 months.

[–] kreddi1 12 years ago

There's studies that have been done that found that if people are engaged for a prolonged period of time its less likely that they are going to go through with the marriage. I think its over a 2 year engagement that its not likely they'll get married.

This does not include common law marriages. Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell

[–] blaque108 12 years ago

Yeah that is true I think Goldie and Kurt is still together. I guess that is what works for them.

[–] beat 10 years ago

There's studies that have been done that found that if people are engaged for a prolonged period of time its less likely that they are going to go through with the marriage. I think its over a 2 year engagement that its not likely they'll get married.

This does not include common law marriages. Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell

link?

[–] Teamsawyer 12 years ago

I've been engaged for 9 years tomorrow. People stopped asking when we are going to tie the knot years ago.

Same thing happened as in this movie. Life. Jobs. Debt. Moving to a new city.
But I can honestly say, I've never been happier than I am right now. So there you go.

:)

[–] the_spaz 12 years ago

why arent you getting married?

"Bitch, I don't know your life!"

[–] leiastarkiller 12 years ago

Because that's called dating. If you don't want to plan a wedding and get married then don't get engaged. It's pathetic. It shouldn't take more than 2 years to plan a wedding.

[–] NathanSummers 12 years ago

Bitter much?

[–] leiastarkiller 12 years ago

Nope I'm good thanks :)

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Ostrich12 12 years ago

c-grader, I didn't get past your second sentence.

You insult everyone, and then make it clear that you don't understand the simple concept of engagement.

"Engagement is completely separate from marriage."

Last I checked people got engaged to begin planning their wedding. How are those two things separate? There is really no reason to be engaged unless you were going to begin planning your wedding, which is why a long engagement is silly.

I've absolutely never heard of anyone getting engaged to someone without plans to marry. Are you sure you're not thinking of promise rings?

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] RavishingAngel 12 years ago

You are absolutely, 100% incorrect.

Engagements/Betrothals have existed for over a thousand years and they have ALWAYS been considered a "promise to be married". In fact, getting engaged used to be the first (of two) ceremonies, often done months (generally up to a year) before the marriage ceremony.

You use the word fiancée and then claim that it has nothing to do with marriage. Fiancée means "a woman to whom a person is engaged to be married." The French verb "fiancer" means "to get engaged to be married." Engagement is the step before marriage.

If you don't plan on ever getting married you don't get engaged, regardless of how committed you are.

Sounds to me like you're engaged because you are trying to appease your fiancée, who DOES want to get married (and if she says otherwise but cared to be engaged, realize that that is what a woman dating a man like you says to bide her time thinking that he will change his mind eventually).

[–] lewiskendell 12 years ago

How did he even propose? "Will you engage me?"

[–] MysticGoddess327 12 years ago

Engagements/Betrothals have existed for over a thousand years and they have ALWAYS been considered a "promise to be married". In fact, getting engaged used to be the first (of two) ceremonies, often done months (generally up to a year) before the marriage ceremony.

Betrothals could even occur when one or both parties were very, very young with the parents standing in as proxy. In those situations, the wedding wouldn't occur until some point after both parties have come of age. In which case, when c-grader said engagements aren't a DIRECT route to marriage, he would actually be correct. You don't have to get married as soon as you get engaged.

[–] ecsyrk 12 years ago

your "fiancee" must be a d-grader.

[–] Tams8312 12 years ago

There is nothing wrong with being engaged for 5 years. I was engaged for 3 years from getting married. My husband and I got engaged out of university with the intention of getting married within the year, however, things just didn't pan out for us. I worked part time for a year and couldn't save enough money for a wedding, so we waited until we were more financially stable. We then moved to a remote place for work and had difficulty planning a wedding. Then finally after 3 years, we got hitched. Everything came into place and we had the wedding of our dreams.

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] alzanden-1 12 years ago

I obviously don't know you and couldn't care less if you ever marry your "finacee", but it makes absolutely no sense to me why you would be engaged to her if you have no plans to marry. While engagement is a different thing per se, it is the step before marriage...it is the time in which people are preparing to marry.

I mean, how did you become engaged? Did you say, will you be my fiancee? I mean obviously you didn't say "will you marry me", right? I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be judgmental, I'm just completely confused. It's like applying for a mortgage and having no plans whatsoever to buy a house. Or setting the table if you plan on eating dinner in front of the TV.

My guess is that you got engaged because that is what you feel you have to do at some point in your relationship and that your fiancee has no idea you have no plans to marry her. I hope this is not the case. Or, maybe you're an older couple who feels fiancee/fiance sounds more committed and grown up than boyfriend/girlfriend. If that is the case, it's kind of a contradiction to the whole "I don't need a piece of paper to prove my commitment" statement. If you love your fiancee, and you know you're committed, why do you need to be engaged or the special title of fiancee/fiance?

[–] tatum_tm 12 years ago

C-grader stated many times that "marriage is a religious thing, we aren't religious"

Um NO. Marriage is a LEGAL THING. It is a TAX THING. And that is why adults that love each other get married. To protect themselves legally and to get a break on their taxes.

I am an atheist as well and when I fell for my husband I couldn't wait to marry him, we were engaged for nine months.

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] claudja777 11 years ago

every girls wants to get married.even those that say they don't.especially them

[–] I_Guard_Tanelorn 12 years ago

My aunt and uncle were engaged for 14 years before they got married. I don't think it means anything. It's all about both sides getting comfortable with the idea. Though I would agree that with young attractive people with lots of options, a lengthy engagement is definitely bad news.

"I said no camels, that's five camels, can't you count?"

[–] christie_cutie 12 years ago

There's nothing at all wrong with it and having a long engagement doesn't mean a couple aren't sure about getting married.

I have lots friends who live together, have kids etc who are engaged but not married because they want to save up for a really nice wedding. They're like married couples who just aren't technically married. There's nothing wrong with that they've still made the commitment to each other.

Personally if I don't see much of a difference between being engaged and being married- being engaged is still a promise to spend the rest of your life with someone so what does it matter when you have the ceremony?

[–] jackhlnbrg 12 years ago

You just asked what's wrong with being engaged for that long and then gone on to say how no one you know has done that, contradicting yourself..

Anyway, I don't know if you've seen the movie, but it's not really about the time it took to get married, it's just about all of the stuff that they went thorough.

[–] Howlin Wolf 11 years ago

Just because they don't know anyone who's done it, doesn't make it improper!

I don't know anyone who's climbed a mountain, but it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do, even if comparitively rare.

"Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?!"