MovieChat Forums > Orphan (2009) Discussion > Who ever adopts without running it by th...

Who ever adopts without running it by the biological kids first?!!!

posted 9 years ago by al666940-3
17 replies | jump to latest

Seriously.

According to the film, the kids were never even asked whether they wanted an adopted sibling.

It's one thing to give birth to a new family member (you don't need to run that one past the kids), but quite another to adopt a freaking grown kid (9 years old) who's a total stranger and the kids will have to interact and deal with form now on.

Doesn't anyone think they deserve a say, or at least MEET the possible new addition to see if they actually get along before adopting the new kid?!!!!

I mean, divorcees or single moms with kids do precisely that (making sure their kids get along) before considering marring other people with kids of their own.

[–] PopSixSquish 9 years ago

Agree 100%. It felt terribly wrong to pick her out all by themselves and essentially go, "Surprise! You're stuck with this girl as your new sister, whether you like it or not."

It's not about them being unaware of their parent's intent to adopt, but a matter of whether they were both accepting and welcoming of the idea AND of the specific child.

[–] al666940-3 9 years ago

I'm not sure, is that a usual practice among serial adopters (like say Pitt and Jolie)? I don't imagine her (she's the crazy one) running her new ideas past her adopted or blood kids for approval (only past Pitt, since he's the actual breadwinner and thus cannot be ignored or blindsided). Nor Madonna, or any other celebrity in the adoption craze. The only normal people I know who have adopted are childless couples, never couples whom already have kids.

[–] PopSixSquish 9 years ago

Possibly...I'm not sure how Brangelina and the like handle it, but I would think that MOST adoptive parents are childless couples...and that most who DO already have children would take their wishes and feelings into consideration when making the decision.

[–] al666940-3 9 years ago

Do you know adopters whom get to adopt actual babies, or just kids (grown kids, as in +5 years old)?

I only know the latter (only rich people seem to be able to shop internationally to score a healthy non minority baby, because at least according to the news, black/brown babies in the US available for adoption ain't exactly flying off the shelves). One of the in particular got a 7 year old boy who's turned out into a nightmare (hysteric, allergic, afraid of dark, etc). Not his own fault (he's apparently mild mannered and likeable), but a full load of medical conditions that just weren't obvious at first. The parents never admit regret but I can see it in their eyes, the ongoing "was it worth it?" mental torture (too late for regrets, no do over) since now pretty much all their lives revolve around his afflictions.

That's the thing about adoptions of grown kids: you're taking a HUGE gamble (if the kid is damaged goods, mentally/emotionally or physically). And it's not like you can go back and return/exchange it (like in the movies).

Maybe that' why the Romans usually adopted teens or adults (you pretty much know what you're getting at that point).

[–] PopSixSquish 9 years ago

I don't actually know someone who's adopted, but from all that I've read/heard about it, getting selected and then placed with a child is supposedly a lengthy and arduous process. I'm very familiar with adopting animals, which is similar in some ways--even getting an adult one, where you figure "what you see is what you get," issues that were not apparent at first can unveil themselves after a time. Likewise, you need to consider any other animals already established in the household. My dad's always preferred to bring in new puppies as opposed to adults so that you can raise and train them within your personal environment, rather than trying to remold a set-in-its-ways creature with potential baggage to fit your lifestyle and family. Sadly, with nonhumans, there's a lot more room for "returns" when it simply doesn't work out.

And yeah...I don't doubt that a large portion of available kids in the US are minorities, and many people in the "market" for adoption would prefer to shop around for their "ideal" child.

Oh, that's a really rough situation with the poor 7-year-old. :( I think if I were to look into adoption, I'd hope to be able to get either a baby or a teen... ><'

[–] al666940-3 9 years ago

If I were ever to adopt, I would do like Woody Allen: get me a 17 year old sweet thing from Asia.

[–] PopSixSquish 9 years ago

😝😁

[–] duongdogg 8 years ago

He took photos of her when she was 7-14 apparently. Too many pedos in hollywood. It is so wrong but the messed up thing, is that he is still respected.

[–] whitespirit26 8 years ago

You mean bad photos?

[–] duongdogg 8 years ago

Yep she was in underwear and stuff.

[–] rj-27 9 years ago

We adopted a 20 month old boy from Russia and 4 years later adopted a 7 year old girl.

I would do the boy all over again in a heartbeat.

I only know the latter (only rich people seem to be able to shop internationally to score a healthy non minority baby, because at least according to the news, black/brown babies in the US available for adoption ain't exactly flying off the shelves).

We are not rich. It does cost close to $20,000 to adopt internationally. More depending on what country and what agency you choose to work through.

The reason black babies, or other non-white children, are not "flying off the shelves" can be attributed directly to the state sponsored agencies that are responsible for placing these children. They will not, repeat will not, place a "minority" child with a white couple if there is any chance that child can be place in a household of the same ethnicity. We tried and were rebuffed.

Democracy is the pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. H.L. Mencken

[–] fivestarhobo 9 years ago

Not the girl? O.o

[–] rj-27 9 years ago

No.

Democracy is the pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. H.L. Mencken

[–] UpperEastSider 9 years ago

I'm not sure about this. Just because there wasn't a scene showing the parents sit the kids down and explain their plan to adopt, doesn't mean that the kids weren't aware of it.

It seemed pretty obvious that they knew they were getting adopted sister. As another user already said, Max seemed eager to greet her (she was expecting her) and Daniel just blew her off (he couldn't care less).

Whether or not the parents adopt isn't really up to the kids, anyways. It's up to the parents.

Respect what you have 🌌

[–] 9 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Miss_Georgia 9 years ago

I disagree with you 100% and I am not trying to sway you but I am going to play devil's advocate.

Do parents run it by their children before they attempt to conceive? No because certain things are not up to the children. That is why there are parents and children. Yes, I hear what you are saying about her being 9 but 9 is still young, shes hardly collecting social security, lol. Babies are time consuming, loud, they need everything done for them and yeah if we are going to be practical a baby would take the spotlight off the other kids.

I can't imagine asking a child if the color I chose for the wall is to their liking. Never mind a serious decision on my end like adding to my family.

My fiance and I do not have children but we have looked in to adopting via foster care and made our decision to proceed that way. Now Ester's adoption was similar in that she was at a convent orphanage. From what I have seen, when you like a child you have to act fast. Healthy, white babies go fastest and a healthy, white child is the equivalent for those of us adopting but don't have unlimited amounts of money. From that perspective they couldn't drag their feet and wait for their children's blessing.

Anyway, not trying to sway you just offering my perspective. No one ever asked me how many siblings I want, no one I know was ever asked and I personally can't fathom asking a child if it is cool with them to add to the family.

[–] wittnerfamily 8 years ago

My husband and I are adopting a group of siblings we are white middle-class people adopting minority children. We are not adopting them because we need children, we are adopting them because they need parents. We do have biological children and the youngest one is only four years older than the oldest of the children we are adopting. While we discussed this with their kids, we certainly did not ask for their approval. We did not involve them in the selection process, as there was no selection process. These children came into our lives, needed a family and we decided to help. I agree with the poster who stated that this is not a decision for the children.