irritating and mostly a waste of time

This movie is laughably overrated. It's sloppy, misguided, amateurish, slow, anachronistic, and all the characters do things that make no sense. I get the feeling this film was supposed to be a period piece, but when they realized they couldn't afford that, they forgot to update the script accordingly.

Here's the actual plot:
Some dbag has supposedly "run away" from his wife and vanished. He can't even be arsed to call her or anything despite her agony. It's been years and he is about to be declared dead. He has no money, absolutely no means of supporting himself. And yet he is discovered to be "saving" orphaned children by escorting them *one by one* across the country and dropping them off at some fucking drug lord's shack in Mexico??? (WTAF.) A painfully incompetent and inexplicably dysfunctional PI is hired to follow this man by a person or persons who ALREADY KNOW where the man is and what he's doing at all times??? (WTAF.) The detective is an alcoholic who spends most of his screen time just grumbling incomprehensibly and for no apparent reason. Maybe he's suffering from being stuck in this movie just like us, the audience. The capper? This whole long slog leads up to a needlessly confusing and pointless ending which feels like the filmmakers are basically laughing at you for having trusted them to pull things together by the end. They do not.

As bad as the movie itself is, perhaps the worst part, however, is the soundtrack: an endless parade of jarring, inappropriate, and poorly mixed musical pieces that actively hurt the film. Truly a stunning display of incompetence on the part of whoever chose or allowed these pieces to be used.

If you want to get super drunk and try to find deep hidden meaning between the lines of this snoozer, knock yourself out. Then you can come back to this site to gloat about how enlightened you are and how the rest of us are so ignorant for missing the amazing message that you alone have discovered buried under a pond of diarrhea. And if so, congratulations. I am sure the filmmakers undertook this endeavor with the aim of saying SOMETHING of meaning. But the reality is they failed so many times and in so many ways. This juice is not worth the squeeze.