I Killed Myself After 30 Minutes of This
I took a pistol and shot myself in the face. I was taken to the hospital and died in the ambulance on the way over from blood loss. Much to my chagrin, the efficient and hardworking medics were able to resuscitate me. After several months and hundreds of thousands of dollars in bills I'll never be able to repay, I had my face partially reconstructed and I've been released, though doctors say I may never speak properly again and even typing is a laborious process requiring an extreme amount of patience. Given the choice, I would go through it all again before I watched the rest of this, the worst movie that's ever wasted film.
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