MovieChat Forums > Grey Gardens (2009) Discussion > Big Edie wasted her daughter's life

Big Edie wasted her daughter's life

posted 12 years ago by zuzupetal_99
10 replies | jump to latest

I watched this last night, and I think I cried non-stop through the entire second half of the movie. It was very depressing to know these people were real, and for the most part, these things actually happened...

Big Edie ruined her daughter's life. At least Big Edie had a life before Grey Gardens, had a family and who knows what all she did. Little Edie had one chance out "on her own" - but she was still supported by her father. A lot of posters said Edie went back out of her own choosing. For the most part I disagree. When she confronted her lover at the hotel and he dumped her on the spot, that was devestating to the young woman. Her mother manipulated her into coming home & missing her big break with that audition she managed to get. Big Edie even told on little Edie to her father about having a married boyfriend and got little Edie sent home in the first place. On top of all that, little Edie's father's death and the non-stop manipulation and put-downs from her mom, I think really made little Edie resign to living with her mom. And the more she stayed, no matter how much she wanted to leave, the more she was stuck there. She didn't know how to change or how to take care of herself, and her father & her lover weren't around anymore to help her. Her hair falling out, just sealed the deal - who'd want her now? She was getting older, balding, and life was passing her by. Maybe it was easier to dream about the life she wanted, instead of going after it and being disappointed again, or finding out she wasn't good enough to succeed as a dancer.

Big Edie was beyond selfish. She was so selfish she destroyed her daughter by keeping her around, like one of her cats. Who knows what Little Edie could've achieved or been, had she been brave enough to escape her mother earlier in life or if her mother would've let her go......That quote at the end of the movie about Little Edie's mother giving her a priceless life was sad, b/c I think instead of priceless, she meant worthless. Just seemed like such a waste.

"Are you going to your grave with unlived lives in your veins?" ~ The Good Girl

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] megmarch2003 11 years ago

On some points, I don't agree. I don't think there is any indication that Little Edie had any real talent. I doubt she would have gotten a movie role had she stayed in NY. Her affair with the married man showed her naivete and lack of judgment. Her only real chance to escape her mother's house would have been to marry for money and title as her father had wanted her to do.

"You can't tell me nothin' if you ain't had an 8-track." -Sinbad

[–] susanemccool 11 years ago

Maybe it was easier to dream about the life she wanted, instead of going after it and being disappointed again, or finding out she wasn't good enough to succeed as a dancer.
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Well put, zuzupetal! This is a sad story of a selfish, manipulative mother, IMHO. Whether she had real talent or not, Little Edie deserved Big Edie's support and encouragement.

[–] CoSMiGoNoN 10 years ago

Little Edie wasted her own life. She was a grown ass woman. Nobody pointed a gun to her head to stay at her mother's. If she had wanted it she could've at least look for a job but she didn't. In the end she led the life she deserved.

[–] Laser24 10 years ago

I don't think a lot of people understand that having a manipulative/codependent parent makes life and decision making VERY difficult. Speaking from personal experience, when you grow up with someone who views you as an extension of themselves you begin to feel helpless. And when devestating things happen (like little Edie being dumped, her dreams not working out for her) it's easy to run back to what you're familiar with even if it's not the best thing for you.
So it's easy to say that little Edie ruined her own life but from a psychological standpoint she was doomed from the start.

[–] Sandy0095 9 years ago

I agree with you laser24. I think Edie had dreams that she planned on (at least) attempting. Maybe she would've achieved them, maybe she would've failed. I personally thought she was more personality than talent, but the point is, she didn't try because she went home. And I definitely think the mother was at least partially to blame for Edie's life going off the rails. She manipulated the situation in her favor, mentioning the hair loss, saying her personality was for certain people, etc. That will prey on you after a while, and your confidence, and suddenly you can't make decisions without the others approval.. It was sad for sure

-How many times do you have to make the same mistake?
-Till I get it right.

[–] CoSMiGoNoN 9 years ago

That's where darwinism comes into play. A stronger and smarter person would've left even with the psychological manipulation. Weak minded people like lil Eddie felt she could do nothing, did nothin about it and in the end she never got married, had kids, etc. So at least we know the stupid genes didn't get passed on to another generation, and that's a good thing.

[–] cathy-creswell 9 years ago

I agree. Easy for the other posters to make their claims when they have NO IDEA how the co dependency works and what effects it has. As for talent, I've seen not so talented people have careers because they have a lot of help. Dance teachers, the best choreographers, voice lessons, etc. You never know what Little Edie could have done.

[–] Nova_UB313 9 years ago

I agree, OP. I enjoy the documentaries and the film very much, but I'm saddened by little Edie's losses. Like someone else mentioned, win or lose, she deserved the opportunity to at least try. And that's what she wanted, to try. But after Big Edie lost Gould (her companion)--she had other plans for Edie, and that was to take Gould's place in her isolated world of singing, dancing and reminiscing.

Little Edie stepped into her mother's world (as unstable as it was), and it became a part of her in the long run. She gave up her hopes and dreams to take care of her mother, and to be her companion. I believe that she did her best, but her mother's problems, isolation and peculiarities ended up consuming Little Edie as well.

He mother was indeed domineering, manipulative and co-dependent. There were many scenes in the two documentaries where Big Edie is heard saying such demeaning things to her daughter--ridiculing her looks, her singing and her dancing. Just heartbreaking to watch.

Also, we cannot say with the utmost confidence that Little Edie was not talented or would not have made it in Hollywood. Many successful Hollywood actresses of her time were not talented, but were groomed because some entertainment bigwig got a kick out of them. Max Gordon truly liked Edie, and that might have been her chance. And if not, there most likely would have been other chances. She was gorgeous, had a magnificent figure, and a lot of spunk! She could also name drop, as her bloodline wasn't chopped liver. With all of that said, Little Edie was vivacious and had a wonderful fashion sense. She could have been a key player in the fashion world, or even a designer.

[–] cathy-creswell 9 years ago

I agree with everything you said. it's heartbreaking to watch her life snatched from her, only to read others comments that she was weak, untalented, and wins the Darwin award.