Enabling shannon - The Real Housewives of Orange County (2006) Discussion

[–] Jelly-4 8 years ago

So you do think he is abusive?

It's hard to completely believe Vicki with her track record, but OTOH Shannon was very high strung.

I guess she's worried about the effect on her kids, but you're right if he's abusing her, it needs to be exposed. It was also be sad if she spent so much effort to "save her marriage" if she's not even physically safe with her husband.

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[–] fiero-49251 8 years ago

All the ladies show their hypocrisy allowing David to get away with murder, but went "tooth and nail" against Brooks who actually made Vicki happy believe it or not! 

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[–] shelbyrichards 8 years ago

Absolutely. Prosecutors don't just pursue a case unless there is solid evidence. If her story about calling the police to stop a verbal argument were true, why wouldn't she just drop the charges? Because there was clear evidence she was physically abused. I believe she did confide in Vicki and sent her photos of her bruises after a fight. It makes a lot more sense than her sending photos of bruises to show how wasted she got.

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[–] SomebodyWicked 8 years ago

I really dont believe David beats Shannon. The way Shannon nags him all the time and screams does not seem like someone that is scared they are going to get hit and David is always the one that is cowering down to Shannon. I think if anyone is abusive in that relationship it is probably Shannon.

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[–] shelbyrichards 8 years ago

That's how they are on TV... I agree with you though, she doesn't seem like she walks on eggshells around him and is very comfortable nagging him to know end. But who knows what it's like behind closed doors? Maybe she is doing what Taylor Armstrong did, agree to do a reality show so her husband wouldn't have a chance to beat her with cameras around.

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[–] fiero-49251 8 years ago

It didn't have to be a chronic problem; might have been a 1 time thing! I can imagine him losing it since she's a huge nag and is always kvetchin' about something! 

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[–] Jelly-4 8 years ago

Just bc you're not walking on eggshells doesn't mean you're not being abused. The only couple I know of where there was physical abuse involved a man who came across as very sweet, mild mannered, practiced meditation etc., and his wife is hardly meek or shy around him. He would complain about her being a nag because she didn't like where they were living at the time.

I was pretty shocked when she told me and others in our community that he had been hitting her, the last time it happened he knocked her unconscious.

They're still together and now have small kids and I certainly hope he won't do it again.

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[–] joycbeyda 8 years ago

I was going to say the same thing. Just because someone isn't walking on eggshells doesn't mean they are not being abused.
It could possibly be a viscous cycle that they are both used to. Where Shannon nags and nags until David can't take it anymore and he abuses her. Then she makes him feel guilty for it. It doesn't even have to happen often - it could be every blue moon.
Anything is possible- I've seen and heard of some strange situations.

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[–] Jelly-4 8 years ago

I should also add that my friend is highly educated and works in a job that pays well.

I would be cautious in making a link between nagging and abuse. Lots of women nag and don't get hit. Likewise I'm sure there are women who don't nag and get hit.

The abuser is at fault here and I'm seeing a what appears to be a lot of victim blaming. Shannon is not responsible for her husband's cheating or his abuse.

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[–] shelbyrichards 8 years ago

That's true. Nothing warrants abuse. If he couldn't deal with her constant nagging, he could have filed for divorce

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[–] joycbeyda 8 years ago

I don't think there is a specific link between nagging and abuse - I am simply saying this could be a possible cycle in Shannon and David's relationship. She seems like she pushes and pushes him verbally.
When she said he locked himself in one of their daughters bedrooms, that was very telling for me.
I would also never condone abuse for any reason. But some people could see Shannon's behavior verging on verbal or mental abuse.

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[–] Jelly-4 8 years ago

I've only seen Shannon push him to get answers about the affair. And most marriage therapists will say that being 100 percent honest is key to recovering from an affair.

But some people could see Shannon's behavior verging on verbal or mental abuse.

When was she guilty of that? She yelled at him unfairly after his mother said those damaging things at the concert, but later apologized, explaining she was mad at the situation, not him.

Nagging doesn't equal verbal abuse. If anything, David with his gaslighting and giving his ring back and supposedly meeting up with his mistress and family is guilty of mental abuse.

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[–] joycbeyda 8 years ago

I studied psychology in college and there are many different forms of abuse. People are not always aware they are doing it and it doesn't just have to be physical or verbal - it can be mental, emotional or psychological.
Some forms of psychological abuse include sarcasm or unpleasant tone of voice, guilt trips, hypercriticism, being subjected to extreme moods by your partner, the withdrawal of love, affection or attention from your partner etc.

Also I did not say i believe Shannon is definitely guilty of abuse- I said some people could interpret some of her behavior as signs of it.

While David is certainly wrong for having an affair- I believe that there were issues on BOTH of their parts that led to a breakdown in their marriage.
Shannon publicly embarrassed David and blamed him for his mother's horrible behavior - and it doesnt seem like her blaming/guilting him for things that are not his fault is something new to her.

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[–] Jelly-4 8 years ago

Issues in a marriage doesn't cause cheating. If it did, they both would've cheated. A willingness to cheat causes cheating. Cheating stems from a sense of entitlement and poor coping skills.

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[–] joycbeyda 8 years ago

Different people handle their problems and cope in different ways.
Issues in marriage also don't cause someone to be psychologically abusive. So I understand your point that their personal issues can't be blamed on their failing marriage.
But a failing marriage or marital problems can cause whatever a person's issues/weaknesses may be to brought to light.
I have a friend who cheated on her husband. After years of begging him for love and affection proved to go nowhere - she had an affair.
While I don't condone her choices, I do understand that they both had issues and both took part in destroying their marriage through their behavior and the choices they made.

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[–] fiero-49251 8 years ago

Verbal abuse can lead to so much more! I've seen it happen; a chronic nag finally went too far and now she's gone! Hard to believe something like that could possibly happen in the circle I traveled! 

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[–] tearsnhoney 8 years ago

Just curious, what does having a good job that pays well have to do with anything?

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[–] Jelly-4 8 years ago

Meaning she will be fine financially if she leaves him. She's not dependent on his income.

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[–] shelbyrichards 8 years ago

I think alcohol also plays a role.. remember their first season on the show at Heather's breaking ground party, Shannon was upset he was drinking tequila. It made no sense at the time why a lush like Shannon would have an issue with him drinking.. it makes sense if it makes him violent

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[–] fiero-49251 8 years ago

Just saw clip on You Tube where Terry went off on David reacting to a drunken comment he made to Heather about "spreading her legs!" Terry said he was either drunk or stupid and David admitted "probably both!" Well at least he knew! Still looking for a clip where Slade shut Tamra up good at a reunion! It had something to do with him saying Tamra was "$#@king off Eddie" among other guys to get ahead or snare! She stormed off the set and could only do her usual rant and raving being as profane as any navy skank of the high seas! The woman is vile! 

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[–] Jelly-4 8 years ago

Actually she said at the reunion that it was his changing behavior that was alarming because he hadn't been into tequila previously. That's usually a red flag that someone is having an affair-- they start liking new things (new music, new workout routines) and start paying more attention to their appearance.

She also said he had bought $700 sunglasses.

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[–] jcdc18 8 years ago

"I really dont believe David beats Shannon. The way Shannon nags him all the time and screams does not seem like someone that is scared they are going to get hit and David is always the one that is cowering down to Shannon. I think if anyone is abusive in that relationship it is probably Shannon."

I agree with this assessment completely!!

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[–] jocietay 8 years ago

I think he might've hit her once, due to Shannon's hysterics, antics, to calm her down, and now she feels like it was her fault so she doesn't blame him. But I believe he was physical with her, and maybe it was just a one-time thing. She seems really emotional about it, like it was a really bad night.

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[–] Jelly-4 8 years ago

It's more than once--- there's the incident in 2003 when she called the police (and says it was to end an argument) and the time more recently that Vicki is referring to, which sounds like it happened.

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[–] jocietay 8 years ago

Shannon is very insecure, and I'm sure she thinks David is a prize and will protect him to help her own self-esteem. On the show when he abruptly closed the door between them and their daughters reacted oddly, makes me think he is pretty impulsive and suspect.

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