6.8 WTF?! (spoiler alert)

How in the hell did this nonsense get 6.8?

The world has officially gone mad.

I found the attempt at least commendable and the script had it's moments, but the movie itself is garbage, but you know what's worse?

It's self-important, delusions of grandeur garbage.

The sweeping camera angles in the denouement as if the movie was revealing the discovery of the ark of the covenant was nausiating. A twist done well, revealed stylishly is a great thing. It's why so many twist movies occupy the top one hundred movies. When it's done badly however, but revealed in that self-important grandiose manner, it just leaves everyone associated with the project looking like Bush-League Rookie morons.

I could go into great detail here regarding everything wrong with this pseudo-intellectual garbage.

I could mention the melodramatic acting as if everyone had delusions of Oscar night. The raw emotion on screen with little to no subtlety or subtext.

I could mention the logistical nightmare involved in probably one of the most ludicrous twists in living memory. So Brosnan is the husband of the woman Neil is having an affair with and he and Neil's current wife cooked up an overly elaborate plan for revenge. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? Lets look at the logic barriers. You first need to have a coincidental situation where both scorned lovers need to go from being relatively normal to gun-wielding socio-paths. You need them to somehow contact each other and for one of them to suggest the most ridiculous plan of vengeance in all of human history. YOu then need to set up all these plot devices to work in perfect unison without the slight possibility of curveballs (including the possibility that just maybe Neil could have refused to leave the bank and thus not given Abby chance to stash the money....oh any mention where she got the replacement paper bundles to stash in the case? This is just one of many).

And I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when Abby first contacted Brosnan.


Phone rings. Brosnan answers in his best Irish brogue.

BROSNAN
Alroit my lover? Apples and pears. My old mans a dustman. What up g? This is Brosnan, kickin' it to ya.

ABBY
Hey It's Abby, you know your wife just had an affair?

BROSNAN
Thanks for bringing that up, Captain Tact. What of it?

ABBY
Got a plan. You're gonna love this.

Brosnan continues flicking through his 'How to speak Irish badly. Even though you're technically Irish' handbook.

ABBY
First we pretend you kidnapped my daughter...

BROSNAN
Can I stop you there...

ABBY
Then me go to the bank and pretend to burn all my husbands money. I'll keep wailing and screaming just so he doesn't suspect, although at certain times I'll continue doing it even though he's not in earshot and eyeshot. That'll really screw up the audience.

BROSNAN
Audience?

ABBY
You'll be on the back seat of the car ready. Oh that reminds me, you'll need to buy a gun.

BROSNAN
........... a gun.

ABBY
And one point ram a barrier for no reason. It's okay I fitted unbreakable headlights to the car.

BROSNAN
....have you been sniffing glue?

ABBY
Now I'll hire a baby sitter who has the ability to magically vanish for a few seconds only appearing when the front door slams. Then I'll reveal everything even though there's a good chance I'll go to prison.

BROSNAN
I thought I'd actually just stay at home. There's a Emilio Estevez marathon on TV. I got a bottle of wh...

ABBY
How good are you at stashing bibles highup on clock towers? .....Hello?. .....Hello?


Seriously think about the utter stupidity of that twist. When the less sharp among you (it's pretty obvious Abby is involved if you engage your brain for a second and look for the unlikely scenarios) have finally got over the 'shock', you'll realise that you've been conned. Why is it that idiots tend to love poor twist endings. Gotta be something to do with brain overload. It's like...

IDIOT 1
What a great twist ending. Never saw it coming

IDIOT 2
Yeah, right out of the blue. BAM! The wife's in on it.

MAN WITH MODICUM OF INTELLIGENCE
You realise that a story needs to justify a twist ending? You even entertained the logistical holes in the denouement?

A moment of bewildered silence.

IDIOT 1
Wow! I like, totally felt my stomach lurch, man. There was no way we could have known.

MAN WITH MODICUM OF INTELLIGENCE
Small F&^k!n' wonder. The movie doesn't even provide any clues. There's no foreshadow or build up to speak of. It's slap bang out of the blue.

IDIOT 2
...Best film ever. Well apart from 'Dude Where's my Car'!


It makes no sense. It's tacked on for the slow-witted audience. IT's shock value tissue-paper bilge with no substance or logic.


And even I can do a better Irish accent than Brosnan....and he's F&^k!n' Irish.